Where Fore Art Thou, Cas?
by PyroQueenOfFire
Summary: Mae has just woken up and has no idea what happened while she was possessed by Lilith for the last 8 months. With love, demons, angels and death, Mae's little world is suddenly upside down, and her angel might never be completely hers. Cas/OC
1. Come Again, What?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I've been writing this for a bit.**

**I love Castiel.**

**Who doesn't?**

**He's hot, commanding, sexy, intriguing, beautiful, prolly exceptionally amazing naked--anyways…my point is I decided to post this.**

**It's a little controversial—Cas is after all in the body of a married man with a daughter.**

**But you'll see how that controversy fits in later.**

**=)**

****

_**This story is dedicated to three of my favorite people: Kalli, Kate and Jimi.**_

_**ENJOY!!**_

****

_Try not to move_. The voice instructed.

She lay there—still—not able to move even if she wanted to. She was in a lot of pain, and wasn't quite sure who was speaking to her. Last thing that she knew, a knife had been carving into her flesh. She hadn't done anything too much to deserve that, she was almost sure of it. Now she was in a state of deep consciousness, and had no idea what to do.

_Have faith_. The voice whispered. _All questions will be answered._

She would have nodded had she been able to move her body, but she was still paralyzed. Where was she? Was she even still alive? Supernatural things had happened to her before, but never like this. She needed to figure out who was talking to her, and she needed to figure out what was going on.

_This will just take a moment_. The voice told her.

It had been his job to find her, and he had. He was amazed that he hadn't had to fight off Lilith, but it seemed Lilith was done with this body and he didn't know why. She was breathing, her brown hair damp, beads of sweat on her brow. He needed her to help him with the coming war, so he needed to heal the wounds that had been dealt t her while Lilith possessed her.

Suddenly she felt firm, warm hands run up and down her legs. It shouldn't have been a pleasing feeling, but it was. It was warm—fuzzy even—and pleasant. After a moment, she found herself no longer feeling pain, and she opened her eyes to see what was going on around her, and to whom she was speaking to, and the figure leaned in a little to assess his success and looked at her with a blank stare on his face.

At first her vision was hazy, at best, but soon the image of the face leaning over her was finally clear. The man had electric blue eyes, hard and yet caring, and brown hair that rested on his troubled brow. It was apparent that this man had been through God knows how much, and now he was helping her. Why? And better yet…why didn't she remember what had happened to her?

"All in good time." He told her, his face solemn and steady as he read her facial expressions—he noticed that she was full of them.

"How did you speak to me in my mind?" She asked him softly.

Realizing that she was well enough to ask questions, he started to walk away from her so she sat up quickly, holding her head as the room began to spin. Come to think of it, she wasn't really in a room, room—she was in some sort of cement room. There were symbols drawn everywhere, and looking down she saw a Devil's Trap…that had to do with demons she knew, but she scrunched up her face in dismay as no memories came flooding back to her about why she was there.

"They will come back on their own, all in due time." He explained to her.

She nodded. "So…you can read my mind, then? What exactly are you?"

He turned to look at her. "I am Castiel…I am an angel of the lord."

****

"Are all of the angels as hot as you?" She asked him as she sat down to drink some coffee that two boys had brewed.

"There are supposed to be two of you." Castiel said without acknowledging her question. "I have to find the other one before the demons do."

With that, he was gone, and the shorter of the two came over and sat next to the girl, checking her out cautiously. She was a brunette, her hair shiny and soft, and a lot prettier than most of the women he and his brother came into contact with. He smiled at her to make her feel a little bit more at home, the taller one running his fingers through his hair, and she studied them too—hunters. She remembered that much. She actually remembered quite a lot about her life—it was the last few months actually that were hazy—a flash here and there.

"How long have I been possessed?" She asked them point blank. "It's the only logical explanation for the black out that I can think of—then add in waking up over a Devil's Trap and by George I think we got it."

"8 months." The taller of the two informed her. "Do you remember anything at all about what happened to you?"

She shook my head. "No…I mean there's a flash here and that, but no—mostly I just don't remember anything that's happened since…well before I was possessed."

The taller one didn't like the way she had said what she had said, but if Castiel was trusting her enough to help her, then he had to trust her. Castiel had never led them astray, and with his practically screwing her with his eyes, he knew that she was going to become their charge.

The one sitting next to her nodded at her. "I'm Dean…and that's my brother Sam."

Sam looked at her from his stance by the door and tried to smile. "We have reason to believe that you were possessed by Lilith, and that somewhere in your head are memories of her plan that we need."

"Lilith? Seriously? So how the Hell did you plan on extracting these memories that may or may not be there?" She asked them.

"That's the problem…we can't even begin to imagine how we'll do that." Sam told her, walking over to the table and leaning his hands on it. "I don't even think that it's possible."

She nodded slowly as it sank in. "All right then—I'm going to go now."

"You can't just leave." Dean said. "Not yet."

"Am I a prisoner then?" She asked.

"Well…no—" Dean replied.

"—good." She nodded, cutting him off. "Then you guys can hunt me down or something, but I'm leaving now."

Dean sighed. "Do you remember my face?"

Mae turned to look at him. "No."

"I remember yours." Dean said.

Sam took a deep breath and I knew that the situation was uncomfortable for him. I looked Dean over hard, and then right when I realized what was going on, Castiel reappeared. He came towards me and looked me in the eye, obviously not understanding the concept of personal space. Lucky for him he smelled terrific, and I kind of wanted to grab his face and rub my face up against his stubble—maybe sneak a kiss from his lips.

"I found her." Castiel told her, grabbing her hand as he suddenly appeared in the room out of nowhere as he always seemed to do nowadays. "We have to convince her to come back with us."


	2. Traitor

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**All right, so here is the second chapter.**

**Raise your hand if you love Castiel!**

**Now if you didn't raise your hand…I feel sorry for you…and I'm wondering why you're reading a love story about Castiel…**

**=P**

**Oh, and I apologize ahead of time for short chapters.**

**They'll get longer later.**

****

Who was he talking about? He'd found her? Found who? And why did she have to go with him? Then again…why _shouldn't_ she go with him? She was already thinking wicked, dirty thoughts about him. He was beautiful—and his hands were strong and soft. Even just the firm hold on her hand was making her insides quiver happily—who cared if he was an angel of the lord? He was breathtaking.

"Where are we going?" She asked him suddenly, knowing she should be paying attention to what he was trying to bring to her attention.

Castiel looked at the boys. "I will bring her back. For now, lay low."

"Cas, what's going wrong?" Dean asked him.

"You will be informed later." Castiel replied.

"Cas, we're not just going to sit here." Dean told him.

Castiel shot him a look. "You will do as you are told."

With that Castiel and his new charge were suddenly somewhere else. There was a slight head rush with suddenly being somewhere else, but for some reason, it felt to her like this happened a lot. She sighed at that realization that came with just a feeling and no memory of ever doing it before, and she looked around the warehouse where they were and looked at the girl tied to a chair. The chair was over a Devil's Trap, and she cocked her head to one side. Was she supposed to know her? Remember her? What was going on?

Castiel saw the internal struggle written all over her face, noting again that this girl scrunched up her face a lot when she was confused. She was trying hard for him to remember, but she wasn't getting anywhere—Castiel was aware of that much. He stood there silently though, hoping she would be able to pull something out of her head, but when she turned to him shaking her head, he knew he'd have to go about this in a different way.

"I can't remember." She told Castiel out loud. "I just…I can't remember a lot of things."

"Lilith brought you out of Hell into your old body." Castiel explained. "You…and Rae here."

She nodded. "Yes…I remember dying, and I remember Hell, and I remember Dean."

Castiel looked at her. "It was not my orders to let you out of Hell."

"I don't care." She told him, wishing she still didn't feel the want to touch him.

Since he had brought her there, his hand had left hers, and she had wanted him to hold it again. His hands were old and calloused, but still soft. They'd been through a lot, yet the man before her couldn't have been that old. She looked at the girl gagged and tied to the chair and stepped up to her. Had she known her in Hell? Had she just known her here when she was apparently brought out and possessed by Lilith? She hadn't even climbed my way out of her grave.

"You are the only one who can get through to her." Castiel told her.

She looked at him, bewildered. "I don't remember, Cas. How the Hell am I supposed to get through to her?"

Castiel just looked at the girl as he stood next to her. "My orders were to find Rae and bring you here. She is part of you. The witches have done quite a number on you. You are important in the course of the apocalypse."

"This is just fucking great." She mumbled in a frustrated voice. "Apocalypse…can't you just send me back to Hell?"

Castiel shook his head, and she sighed—fine…what did Rae have to say then?

****

Castiel left the room in the empty warehouse, and she looked at Rae and she looked up at her with pleading eyes. She took the gag out of her mouth and looked at her hard, closing her eyes as Rae spit in her face. She wiped it off and backhanded her face, cringing a little and holding her hand. Oh yeah, that's great—she was weak.

"You betrayed all of us! I can't believe you're working with the angels now!" Rae yelled.

"I don't know who you think I am, but I'm not possessed by any demons anymore." She told her.

Rae looked at her hard. "You swore your allegiance to Lilith, and you betrayed her."

She took a step back. "I don't know what you heard, but I did no such thing."

"Just because you can't remember it, doesn't mean that it didn't happen." Rae told her, laughing. "You're going to be sorry you turned your back on her. When Lucifer rises, you will be sorry."

"Castiel will never let that happen." She said.

Rae laughed. "You have no idea what Castiel is capable of."

"Well to be fair I _wish_ I did. Have you _seen_ him?! I bet he's amazing naked…sorry. Are you still threatening me?" She asked Rae.

"I have nothing more to say to you, Traitor." Rae said, and her eyes went black.

Maybe it wasn't the demon she was supposed to remember…maybe it was the girl being possessed by the demon. So she started to chant the Latin that she remembered from the life that seemed so far away, and the demon went back to Hell. The girl's head lolled to the side a little, and then slowly, Rae looked up at her and smiled. She didn't know what was going on, but she smiled back—this one wasn't spitting on her.

"Nice to see you're alive." She told Rae.

She nodded. "You too, Mae."

Mae looked up as Castiel was suddenly right next to her, aware of what had happened. Rae smiled at him too, and he nodded at her safety, looking at Mae. Mae couldn't help but be pulled in by those eyes. He may not show the emotions on the outside, but he was full of emotions. His eyes were beautiful, and then he started to talk to her but she wasn't paying attention. She just wanted to touch him—kiss him—and he was trying to get her to snap out of it, her eyes glazed over a little as he spoke to her.

"Mae?" He asked her again.

"What? Yes?" She asked him, trying to focus on what he was saying, instead of the lips that the words were coming out of.

"You and Rae will stay with Sam and Dean until further instructed, is that clear?" He asked her firmly.

She bit her lip at how hot the commanding tone in his voice made her feel. "Crystal."


	3. I Dream of Cas

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Just to clarify, Mae is lusting after Cas right now, lol.**

**There's no exchange of feelings between them.**

**Cas doesn't even like her or anything yet, she's just his job.**

**Just so you know.**

**Oh, and there's a little scene in here that you'll all enjoy.**

**=D**

****

"_I don't think that you understand your importance." Castiel told her._

_Mae bit her lip and sat on the bed. "I don't think you understand yet that I don't know what happened. How are you going to unlock my memories?"_

_Castiel took a step toward her. "I'm going to show you what happened while you were in her body. Hopefully, that will cause some memories to surface."_

_Mae nodded, and as Castiel reached his hand out to touch her forehead, her hand stopped his. She ran her fingers along his worn hands, and kissed them softly bringing his hand to her heart so he could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his palm. Castiel stared at her with a blank expression on his face, his hand brushing against her breast as Mae stood up slowly, closing her eyes because she wished she could feel more of him._

"_We could just make new memories…" Mae suggested with a shrug. "Right here…right now…"_

"_I am only here on business, Mae." Castiel said, but she kissed him._

_His lips didn't budge until Mae brushed her body against his, and then he seemed to give in. His kisses set her body on fire, and Mae slipped his coat off of his shoulders and tried to get his tie off as his hands reached for her shirt. He started to tug at it, pulling it off over her head. Suddenly things started to get a little fuzzy, like she was falling away from the scene, still feeling his hot breath on her face._

"Cas…keep going…please." Mae mumbled, and then opened her eyes…dream.

Mae groaned and put one of the extra pillows over her head, screaming softly into it. Why did it have to be a dream? Why the Hell did she have to be attracted to a friggin angel? Why her? Why couldn't she have just stayed in Hell and took her punishment for hery life like a normal person? Son of a friggin bitch.

Mae got up reluctantly and headed into the kitchen, grabbing some coffee. Castiel had put Rae and her up into a Safe House, and Sam and Dean did some hunts, but mostly stayed around the house because Castiel had ordered them too. Dean came out into the kitchen as Mae sipped the cup of coffee, standing next to her as he poured himself some.

He chuckled. "Someone smells like they need a cold shower."

Mae smirked a little. "So you have your fair share of wet dreams too, huh?"

"I do." Dean replied, and sat at the island counter to research on his laptop. "Hope I didn't do anything to you that you didn't want done to you."

Mae rolled her eyes. "Please…the dream had nothing to do with you."

Dean noted the playful tone in her voice, but could also make out that she really wasn't attracted to him. There was something different about this girl—she was strong willed and she knew what she wanted and she set her mind to get it. Dean smiled at her, loving that he could joke with her like this already, and she loved it too.

Dean nodded. "Ah…so you like it Sam's way?"

Mae laughed and sipped her coffee. "I like it Cas' way, thank you very much. Consider me wishing I'd been groped by an angel…how is that by the way? Did it feel good?"

Dean spit his coffee everywhere and Mae laughed, rolling her eyes and leaving him to contemplate his hand print in a whole new way. Mae ran into Sam as he came in from outside, Rae sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV. She didn't want to sit around here waiting for Castiel to come back—she just wanted him to show up again…three days was far too long to wait for him.

"I think I found something." Sam announced as he came in.

"Oh God, please." Rae said, getting up off of the couch in a hurry. "I really need to get out of this house!"

"Don't we all?" Mae agreed.

Sam nodded. "Well…I bet the four of us could get it done quickly."

Mae smiled. "It's settled then…I'm going to shower first though…I smell like sin."

****

The car ride was made up of silence for a little while, Sam squirming just a little. He was aware that everyone wanted to know, but no one had asked her about it. Dean probably knew since he'd tortured her in Hell, but he wasn't sharing. So Sam took a deep breath, and asked the question.

"So, Mae…why were you in Hell?" He asked her.

Mae smiled a little and shrugged. "Lust, Envy, Greed…my best and worst sins."

Rae looked at her, both of them in the backseat. "I'm sure he wants to know what exactly sent you there…besides obvious sins."

"Maybe it was the wet dreams about angels." Dean joked.

Mae rolled her eyes. "In the bible is specifically says 'thou shalt not commit adultery'…too bad I did."

Sam nodded. "So…you don't even hate Dean a little for slicing into you?"

"I'm over it." Mae told him. "I deserved every bit of torture I got down there. I knew I was going to Hell when I cheated with a married man, but I did it anyways."

"And now angels get your rocks off? Whole other level of Hell, sweetheart." Dean told her with a smile as he looked at her from the front seat,

"Guys…I think Dean's trying to tell you guys I'm lusting for Castiel!" Mae said, pretending to be surprised and embarrassed.

Rae rolled her eyes. "It's obvious."

Sam chuckled a little. "Cas? Really?"

"Oh come on…he has to get _someone's_ rocks off. And Dean was lucky enough to get groped by him!" Mae pointed out.

Dean coughed nervously. "I was not groped by him!"

Mae laughed. "Oh you liked it."

Dean changed the subject deliberately as they pulled up to the warehouse, smiling a bit and handing everyone some weapons. Easy vampire case—in and out, and so it gave them some time to hunt together and then go back to the house and be bored again. They wanted to make this hunt count though…wanted to make this special. And then Castiel showed up…and Mae couldn't help but bite her lip and smile.

"Something more important is at hand." He said.

I smiled. "And that would be?"

"Getting back your memories." He replied.

"Fine…but you keep your hands to yourself." Dean told Mae, pointing at her.

"I have to touch her forehead to get her to remember." Castiel protested, not having seen Dean pointing at Mae.

Dean laughed a little and rolled his eyes. "Not you, Cas…Mae."


	4. Other Half

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I suggest going back and reading the first three chapters over again.**

**I've changed the story from first person to third person.**

**I've realized it keeps slipping into that, and I liked it better, and need to get better at that kind of writing anyways, so there are some added things in the other three chapters.**

**Also, though this isn't exactly a love triangle…one of the Winchesters will be getting a bigger part soon as far as Mae is concerned.**

**That said…here is chapter four.**

****

Mae smiled as she sat on her bed—it was reminding her of her dream, but she was certain that this Castiel wouldn't cave as easily as the one in her dreams would. Nevertheless, Mas looked up at him with bright eyes, pushing her brown hair off of her shoulders as she stared at the beautiful man in the tie and coat, walking towards her.

"I don't think that you understand your importance." Castiel told her.

Mae bit her lip and shifted her weight on the bed. "I don't think you understand yet that I don't know what happened. How are you going to unlock my memories?"

Castiel took another step toward her. "I'm going to show you what happened while you were in her body. Hopefully, that will cause some memories to surface."

Mae nodded, ignoring the déjà vu as Castiel reached his hand out to touch her forehead, and her hand stopped his. She ran her fingers along his worn hands, and kissed them softly bringing his hand to her heart so he could feel the rise and fall of her chest against his palm. Castiel stared at her with a blank expression on his face, his hand brushing against her breast as Mae stood up slowly, closing her eyes because she wished she could feel more of him.

Castiel wasn't quite sure what he was feeling. She was his charge, and he wasn't even attached to her yet. He knew that she was trying to arouse him, but he was no human male, even if he was inhabiting the body of one. He was an angel with duties and orders, and he wasn't about to sleep with her even if she thought that he was going to cave. He wasn't going to cave—that would be a sin.

"We could just make new memories…" Mae suggested with a shrug. "Right here…right now…"

"I am only here on business, Mae." Castiel said, and took a step back as she tried to kiss him. "I am here to unlock your memories and nothing more. There are humans that you can sin with Mae, but I will not."

Mae nodded and stepped away from him. "Right…touch away."

Castiel knew that she was upset, but she was putting up a front that made him think of Dean—both Dean and Mae seemed to be able to mask what they were feeling. Nevertheless, Castiel had a job to do, so he put his fingers to her forehead and Mae found herself waking up somewhere else—she found herself watching herself.

Mae wasn't sure exactly _when_ this was all occurring, but she knew one thing—her eyes were white. Lilith was definitely possessing her, and a woman with blonde hair was backing away from her, but ended up against the wall. Lilith reached out to grab her throat, the woman gagging a little and gasping for breath. Lilith smiled a little and socked her head to the side, examining the woman in front of her.

"Explain to me how this works again, Farrah." Lilith told her, fingers coiled around the woman's neck.

"Lilith…" Farrah breathed out. "I can make her into two—split them up, and hide the plans in one."

"This had better work, Farrah—one more screw up and you're going back to Hell." Lilith explained. "I need this to work. I have seals to break, and I have a man to infect."

Farrah tried to nod, succeeding when Lilith let go of her throat and straightened out the clothes she was wearing on my body. Mae found the scene fading away, and she looked into Castiel's warm, blue eyes. He nodded slowly as the realization hit her—Rae was part of her. Castiel had said that the moment that they had met, and so inside of one of them was the key to Lilith's plan. But then why leave the bodies? Why would she leave them? Did she have to become one with Rae again? Why was this so messed up?

"That only answers one question." Mae told Castiel finally as he searched Mae's eyes for something. "Nothing else is flooding back. Why did they separate me into two? How did they do it?"

"It's a trick Lilith has picked up over the years…this is the first time it has worked." Castiel admitted. "I need you to stay here until I can find Farrah—she's still alive, and she knows how to get your memories back…some of them might also be in Rae."

Mae sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "Great…this is just fucking great!"

Castiel looked at her, and when her eyes met his, he spoke. "I will be back when I find her."

****

"I brought Hagen Das—coffee flavored." Sam said, handing it to Mae as she sat on the couch.

Mae smiled at him. "Thanks, Sam."

Sam smiled at her too and handed her a spoon, sitting down next to her and studying her. She was upset, and she was trying to figure out how to deal with her new situation. She'd been through a lot, and Sam wished he could make it easier for her, but he didn't know what to say. Mae looked up at him and stuck a spoonful in her mouth, laughing a little as Sam studied her.

"Like what you see, Winchester?" She asked him.

Sam blushed. "What? No—I mean yes! I wasn't checking you out."

Mae laughed. "I'm aware—the blushing thing is hella cute, by the way. Tell me…what's it like having psychic powers?"

"How do you know that I have psychic powers?" Sam asked her.

Mae shrugged. "The flashes here and there…I know that Ruby wants you to unlock your powers…I know she's been with you…since Dean died. How is it, banging a dead body anyways?"

"You have a mouth on you." Sam replied, hushing her. "Just like Dean…and he has no idea about Ruby so…"

"My lips are sealed, Necro." Mae told him, eating more ice cream and then resting her head on his shoulder. "Do you think Cas can feel?"

Sam chuckled and Mae realized just how long she'd gone without any kind of good human contact. His whole body rumbled, and even though she hadn't snuggled into him completely, she found the sensation welcome as it hit her. She ate another spoonful of ice cream to get her mind off of it and Sam shrugged ever so slightly, taking her spoon and eating a spoonful himself.

"I think he chooses not to." Sam replied, chuckling more at Mae's shocked look as she took her spoon back and pointed it at him playfully.

"How'd the memory session go?" Dean asked, walking into the house with a large paper bag in his hand.

"Fine." Mae said with a shrug. "Cas and I got real close to recreating my dream, but he had to back off of course."

Dean laughed loudly as he went into the kitchen, not aware of Sam and Mae leaning against each other and sharing a spoon. Mae handed the spoon over this time and Sam took another bite, realizing that he'd been devoid of good human contact too. Ruby didn't compare to a girl that was a good—if not horny and abrasive too like his brother. Sam chuckled at the thought, Mae biting her lip a little, wishing Castiel's body was chuckling against hers.

"Poor guy just doesn't understand that when a horny woman wants to be serviced, you do what she tells you to do." Dean said, coming out with a slice of pie on a plate. "What's going on here?"

"Sam brought me ice cream." Mae responded with a shrug. "No big deal."

Dean nodded. "Riiiight…hey…where's Rae?"


	5. The Sins Just Keep on Coming

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okies, so some things are going to get a little confusing.**

**Friendships will be formed.**

**And a certain angel will get a new charge…and make the other charge jealous.**

**=P**

****

After a couple hours of looking for her, Mae, Dean and Sam stopped looking for Rae. Mae hadn't quite told them yet about her little trip down Lilith's memory lane, but she knew that eventually she'd have to. She took a deep breath and smiled a little when Sam absent-mindedly reached out to stroke her hair to calm her down, Dean looking at them with a twinge of jealousy in his stomach. Why was it that Sam always got so close to everyone first? Why was he so trusting? Why couldn't Dean open up like that?

"I'm a little worried about not finding her." Mae admitted, feeling a twinge of guilt creep through her.

"Why is that?" Sam asked her, his fingers leaving her dark brown hair and starting to massage the base of her neck.

"Because she's part of me." Mae said lamely as Dean raised an eyebrow, the massaging from Sam's strong hand continuing. "Let me explain—a group of powerful witches split us into two and hid information away in our minds. Weird? Improbable? Welcome to my world, boys."

Dean and Sam were completely stumped—how the Hell did one split someone into two different people? They'd seen a lot in their years of hunting, but never something quite like that. Rae and Mae were…the same person? They did look like they were related in a strange uncanny way but…the same person? They couldn't be! That was impossible!

"A little harder, Sammy." Mae groaned out softly.

Sam chuckled which made her smile, and he set down his book and used both hands to massage her neck and shoulders. Dean again felt a twinge of jealousy in his stomach, but he wasn't sure why this time. He was physically attracted her, sure—_women_ was his type—but for some reason he felt jealous for not a sexual reason. What the reason was, he had no idea, but he knew he was jealous of the two of them, especially when Mae went to flex her fingers as her left hand on the leg of Sam's pants as they sat on the couch, and stroked Sam's crotch unintentionally.

"God, I'm sorry!" Mae exclaimed, pulling her hand away. "I relaxed and felt all pleased and my hand was on your thigh just resting and my fingers—I'm sorry, Sammy."

And what was with her calling him, 'Sammy'? Why was he upset? Dean shook it off and left the room as Sam told her it was fine, she didn't mean to. Dean found himself smiling just a little as Castiel appeared in the kitchen, holding his hand up to not signal for Mae. Dean nodded and stepped up a little closer to him, wondering what the angel had to say.

"You have to protect her." Castiel told him. "You have to protect her no matter what—her death with bring about the breaking of a seal. Lilith does not know that yet, but eventually she will find out. The witch is eluding me, and I may be summoned back up to Heaven shortly."

Dean's head was reeling a little from the information. "So Rae…she really _is_ just Mae's other half? Seriously?"

Castiel nodded. "Farrah—the human name she gave herself when Lilith brought her out of Hell—is a very rare and strong witch. My orders are this for now—Find Farrah, and look after Mae. She is my new charge."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing—Mae was Castiel's new charge? What about him? Castiel had dragged him out of Hell—him _not_ Mae. So why was it that suddenly Sam wanted to spend more time with Mae, and Castiel wanted Mae as a charge instead of him? It was ridiculous—truly ridiculous.

"So what? I'm no longer your man of the apocalypse?" Dean asked him.

Castiel looked directly at him. "Dean…you are not being _replaced_ as my charge—you are simply being given more duty _as_ my charge."

Dean nodded. "That's more like it. I'll protect her—or Sam will."

Castiel nodded, wondering why he cared if Mae and Sam got closer together. He did not crave her or anything like that—he was simply curious as to how she could come onto him and then go straight for Sam. His interest was peeked as he heard a soft moan escape her lips, and he walked out into the living room to see Mae sitting on the floor between Sam's legs, Sam's hands massaging her back.

"You're incredibly tense, Mae." Sam told her, applying a little more pleasure pressure.

"Where the Hell did you learn this, Sammy? It's amazing. God…so good." She moaned, and giggled lazily. "You must get laid a lot, Sammy."

As Sam blushed Dean went, "I expect some really messed up babies to come out of this."

****

"Sam just go in already." Mae told him in an annoyed voice. "I've been waiting for you to go in for like ten minutes now."

"I can't just go in!" Sam protested.

Mae raised an eyebrow. "Sam…I told you to. Trust me…I want you to."

"And if you get hurt?" Sam asked her, genuinely concerned for her.

Mae sighed loudly. "I'm a big girl—just do it, please?"

Sam nodded and cocked his gun, kicking the door to the warehouse in and going inside. Mae had been trying really hard to focus on finding Rae, and she was pretty sure she had. The thing about Rae was that even though not possessed, Mae was pretty sure that there were traits in her that she was missing. It was like when they split apart, all Mae was horny, loud, and outgoing. She didn't feel balanced, and she wanted to be whole again.

To top it all off, Castiel had tried to contact her through a dream, but Mae had been rudely awakened. Dean had confirmed that he was worried about Castiel, and so splitting up into Dean as one group and Mae and Sam as the other, they went in search of Rae _and_ Castiel. Castiel had managed to give Dean coordinates, and then come to Mae in a dream because she was his charge now too. Castiel's charge, eh? It made her think of dirty things, and she wished to God she could get some of her other emotions to filter through.

"Are you worried about him?" Sam asked her.

Mae nodded. "Yeah…I'd really, _really_ like it if we could find him and make sure he's okay."

"Agreed." Sam told her, and they headed further in, running into Dean, who had found Rae and tied her to a chair over a Devil's Trap.

Mae rolled her eyes—she wasn't possessed anymore…was she? How could she have been? Then again, she'd been gone for a long while—anything could have happened to her really. And why would Mae's life be easy anyways? Why? Oh wait…it wouldn't be. It never had been easy, and it never would be easy. Why did the boys even tolerate her? And why was an angel helping her?

"I found her over Cas' body." Dean grunted, shaking his head at her.

"What do you mean over his body?" Mae asked, wondering why she felt so guilty and scared for a man she was only lusting for.

Dean sighed. "I mean he's not so much Cas anymore as he is…"

Dean stopped as the man walked into the room they were in, brushing himself off and little. Sam nodded because he understood, but Mae hadn't quite caught on yet. What was going on? How was it not Castiel if it was moving around? Oh wait…angels possessed bodies. Well no wonder Castiel hadn't caved—he was in some other guy's body. Well then that was her way in! She had to seduce the man so that when the angel was in his body, it was totally 'legal' for her to go there!

"Mae." Mae told him, holding out her hand, Dean rolling his eyes at her rebound ability—it was almost better than his.

"Jimmy." Jimmy told her, and Mae shook his hand.

"Jimmy." She replied with a not—it wasn't Castiel, but it would have to do.

Sam stepped up to them all. "Nice to meet again, Jimmy."

Jimmy shrugged and his stomach rumbled. "I could do with some food."

Mae smiled—her exact kind of man. So they all headed back with a gagged and bound Rae, and went into the Safe House. Mae watched as Jimmy started to scarf food down hungrily. What? Did Castiel just never feed the poor man's body he was borrowing? What kind of hospitality was that anyways? He was practically making Jimmy starve.

"So…Jimmy…how exactly did you become a vessel for an angel?" Mae asked him.

"He chose me, and I accepted—it's in my blood or something like that." Jimmy said.

Mae nodded. "Ah. So…"

"I'm married—flattered…but married." Jimmy told her, his mouth full of food, quite aware she'd been coming onto him since they met.

Married? Awesome. Just another married guy on her record of sins. Why did this keep happening to her? As much as it didn't bother her, it felt like it was almost fate that she kept getting tempted by men with rings on their fingers. Still…she was in it for the angel and not the man. Biggest sin ever—sleeping with an angel in a married man's body. Was she ready for that? Oh well…she was going to Hell anyways.

"Honestly? Never stopped me before. I'm in this for Cas." She admitted.

Jimmy nodded. "Sin isn't an issue for you, is it?"

Mae shook her head. "Not at all, Jimmy…not at all."

**Note: Mae and Rae ARE split up with different personality traits. So expect a bit of a change to her character when she and Rae get put back together as one person—spoiler that it will happen, but I assume most of you were expecting that.**


	6. Blessings

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So Jimmy's around, eh?**

**Where Fore Art Thou, Cas?**

**;)**

****

Two days with Jimmy and no Castiel, Rae making a fuss but not being released. Mae and Sam had been spending a lot more time together, and Dean wanted closeness too—he was feeling less important than before. Why was it that some beautiful girl had to show up and ruin things? He had been top charge and top hunter with Hell connections before Mae had shown up to counter all of that. Maybe when she was reunited with Rae, he's get his spot back.

"Whatever, Mae-Mae." Sam told her, rolling his eyes and entering the room he was forced to share with Dean since Jimmy was here, Mae heading to her own.

"You are definitely tapping that." Dean said dismally, wishing he could feel happy for his brother.

Sam rolled his eyes. "I am _not_ sleeping with Mae for the eightieth time, Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes too—he was good enough to know when two people were sleeping together…or not sleeping together. He had to keep telling himself that he still had that talent—unless his jealousy was throwing that talent off. What was wrong with him? So what if Cas had a new charge and Sam had a new special friend? He was still the man of the apocalypse, and Sam's older brother—the guy Sam looked up to and respected.

"Dean? If you want to sleep with Mae, you have to go for her yourself—and remember that you have Cas to contend with for her affections." Sam told his brother with a laugh. "Face it, Dean—you're no angel."

Dean smirked. "The women don't seem to mind that."

Whoa, whoa, whoa—wait a minute. Sam thought that Dean was interested in Mae? Why would he be interested in Mae? Sure she had sparkling eye and a great body. Sure she spoke her mind and probably had the sexual prowess of a goddess based on the way she asserted herself. Sure she had raunchy humor and no need for commitment—wait…_why_ didn't he want her again? Just the fact that she wanted an angel screamed hidden fear of commitment to him.

"I don't want someone who kneads your crotch every time you massage her shoulders." Dean told his brother with a shrug.

Sam sighed. "She touched me there _once_, Dean and there was no kneading—it was an involuntary flex of the fingers."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah because if she can't have the angel, she'll settle for the giant."

"Close enough to Heaven for her?" Sam asked his brother, knowing him well enough to know the joke coming next.

Dean nodded and Mae sat in her short boxers and tank top on the couch next to Jimmy. After changing into her pajamas, she'd come down to talk to him. She wanted to understand him—wanted to get his blessing. His blessing or not she was going to try to seduce Castiel, but it would be nice if Jimmy would 'okay' the violating of his married body.

"How good would you say you are at seduction?" Jimmy asked her calmly as he flipped through John's journal, trying to get better acquainted with demons, ghosts, monsters and the Winchesters.

"I don't know—you tell me." Mae replied, trying to get a reaction out of him.

Jimmy looked up at her and then reached for his hot chocolate to sip. "I will answer any questions that you have."

Mae beamed—she did in fact have quite a few that she could ask. There was so much that she wanted to know about Castiel and Jimmy that she didn't know where to start. What was Castiel really like? How was talking to him? Was Jimmy conscious while Castiel was? Could Jimmy feel what Castiel felt? Then it came to her—the _perfect_ first question.

"What's it like to have Castiel inside you?" She asked him excitedly.

Jimmy choked on his mouthful of hot chocolate and dribbled down his front. Mae reached out with a napkin from the coffee table to help him wipe himself off, knowing she wouldn't mind having his body on top of her…his arms wrapped around her. The only thing missing was Castiel in his body making her body hum. Why was she even lusting after an angel anyways? Was it her weird attraction to sin? She didn't even know him.

"Do you really—" Jimmy tried.

"—have the natural born talent to make simple questions sound naughty? Yes, yes I do." Mae told him with a smile.

Jimmy looked her in the eye. "If you love him…I give you my permission to violate my body for Castiel."

****

Mae was the most surprised that Jimmy had given her his blessing. Had that seriously happened? Had he seriously told her that she could molest his body? Because in all reality that made this easier for her, because she _wanted_ to molest the body—just with Castiel in it. But love…Jimmy had said she could if she _loved_ him. Great…Mae couldn't do the whole love thing again.

"What are you like blessed?" Dean asked her when she told them, Jimmy in the bathroom taking a shower.

"Apparently." She said.

He sighed. "Apparently. Hey…any word on this Farrah chick?"

Mae shook her head and she sighed a little—she would really like to be whole again. It wasn't that she felt the need to be, it was that she badly wanted to be able to feel like she wasn't missing part of herself. Her sensibility, her compassion, her logic, her calm nature—she just wanted to feel whole again. Was that way too much to ask?

"What's wrong, Mae-Mae?" Sam asked her, stroking her hair.

"Nothing Sammy, just…I don't think I can love." Mae told him, leaning against him and running her fingers along his knee as they sat on the couch.

Dean raised an eyebrow as he looked at the two—what the Hell was up with them? If they weren't sleeping together than they should be. It had become quite obvious to him that Sam and Mae had become completely attached to each other so why not just go for each other? Sure Sam was kind of off the girl radar right now and Mae wanted Castiel with pretty much all the lust she could muster, but was that all there was to it? Just lust and taking a break? Did that mean they couldn't be happy with the person they were becoming attached to in their time of need?

"I bet you can love just fine, Mae-Mae." Sam told her, kissing the top of her head and then noting the look on Dean's face. "I'll go grab you some ice cream and fill Dean on in the new hunt I found. You find a movie on TV and I'll watch it with you in a minute."

"Just hurry back, Sammy." Mae replied, and stopped touching him so he could get up.

Dean had noticed the blatant attempt to get him to come into the kitchen, and so he did. Was Sam going to confess? This could get really awkward if Mae and Sam just suddenly started hooking up, but didn't they deserve it? Dean _had_ cut into Mae and started the apocalypse and Sam needed some happiness in his life. To top it off, Dean wasn't entirely sexually attracted to this female version of him—but he had admitted to himself already that he was a little.

"I've noticed your looks, Dean—stop." Sam told his brother firmly.

Sam was very aware that Dean was thinking of the sexual tension but there wasn't any—or was there? Sam was simply trying to make Mae feel welcome, and though attached to her, he was not his brother—at least he hadn't used to be. He used to be a gentleman—used to shy away from demons and only focus on his family and the right thing to do. Ever since the seals had begun to be broken, Sam found himself breaking a little too—becoming someone he hadn't really wanted to become. Mae made him feel like the Sammy he used to be once upon a time.

"I'm sorry if it's embarrassing." Dean said, and took a step back when Sam slammed the container of ice cream down on the counter.

"Dean, that's not the point! Mae has been through something really traumatic and she's trying to cope. I want her to feel safe with us and completely welcome. She's my friend already, and I know I'm attached, but I'm not just going to use her like you use women!" Sam exploded. "You're my brother, and I love you, but please stop making _her_ feel uncomfortable with your looks and jokes about she and I having sex."

Dean swallowed. "Sorry, Sammy, I just—I don't think she's the kind of girl that would care…she's a lot like me, you know?"

"Mae is only one half of who she used to be." Sam reminded him calmly as he grabbed a spoon.

Mae was quite aware that the row in the kitchen was about her, and so she sighed—Dean was right about her not caring though. She was definitely attracted to the boys, but it was less lust and more just loving being around them. Love. That word had so many connotations to it, and she wasn't ready to let love in again—not after her affair that sent her to Hell. Love…how worth it was love? Hooking up was easier, and there were no strings attached—you didn't have to see the person again, so you wouldn't have to get your heart broken if you just didn't let the love in.

"I should just have fallen for a Goddamn Winchester." Mae muttered to herself, looking up as Jimmy walked into the room, but his expressions were now nonexistent. "Cas?"

Castiel nodded. "Yes…I have found Farrah."

"Really? So…so I can be whole again?" Mae asked him, smiling at him happily. "That would be fantastic."

"Cas?" Dean asked, coming into the room. "So you found the witch?"

Sam entered the room and he knew that Mae was going to get what she secretly wanted—the feeling of peace and of being complete. That was all he wanted for her, and he wondered why it made him so happy. He wasn't sexually attracted to her—she was simply the best friend he'd never had a chance to have…wasn't she? Was he falling for her? He couldn't…even if he was…he couldn't.


	7. Whole Again

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Well here is chapter seven.**

**There's a flashback, as well as Farrah.**

**Who is excited about Mae being whole again?**

**I know I am.**

**=P**

****

Mae was definitely nervous to meet Farrah. The woman—or witch, really—was thousands of years old, whether in a younger body or not right now. Rae was still tied up and Castiel had brought Farrah to them, but Mae had yet to meet her. What was Farrah like? Would she betray them? All Mae could think about right then was what she and Jimmy had talked about the first morning they had spent together.

_Mae came down the stairs past the boys' room and sat at the island counter as Jimmy poured himself some coffee. When he turned around he rolled his eyes and poured Mae a cup of coffee as well as she wiggled her eyebrows at him. All she wanted was to seduce this man in front of her, and he wanted to know exactly what she was going to do to get to Castiel. Why she wanted Castiel, he didn't even know, but he was pretty sure he could guess, and it would mean using his body. He wasn't really sure if he wanted that to happen or not—whether he was in control or no._

"_Thanks Hotness." Mae told him and Jimmy smiled and sat across the counter from her, sipping his coffee._

"_We touched on sin earlier last night, Mae…what exactly is your story?" Jimmy asked her._

_Mae smiled. "Well I like it rough, and I'm not afraid to try new things."_

"_Ah, so you're a seductress then?" He asked her._

_Mae smiled and winked, but then she shook her head. She'd never been a seductress really—just desired. Michael had come to her, and she had fallen in love and then she had helped him to commit adultery. The farther she got in, the harder she fell, and then his wife got pregnant and he ended it all. He wasn't in love—he was just bored or horny or something to that effect. So what did Mae do? She killed herself in a moment of weakness and then Dean had cut into her in Hell, breaking the first seal._

"_I'm simply a sinner." Mae replied, but tried to keep up the charade. "I sinned, I went to Hell, and now I'm back. I don't know why Lilith brought me back…in fact I'm starting to think that these hidden memories are in Rae and not in me."_

"_Hidden memories? You guys certainly need Castiel." Jimmy told her with a smile. "So…if you were going to seduce me for him where would you start?"_

_Mae shrugged a little. "I'd probably simply hit on you until you cave—maybe streak. I'm not quite sure yet."_

_Jimmy laughed. "You really are shameless, Mae."_

"_I'm lonely…and not whole." Mae replied._

_Jimmy nodded, quite aware that the girl in front of him was completely in need of being whole. He remembered snippets while Castiel was inhabiting his body, and he knew of Mae's importance. What he didn't know was why she went to Hell, or why Lilith brought her out, or anything about this witch that Castiel was off trying to find. All he knew was that Mae was important to the bigger picture—she could stop the second plan or Lilith's…but that may not be enough to stop the apocalypse from coming._

"_Coffee!" Dean exclaimed, coming down in the kitchen, Sam following him and stroking Mae's hair as she smiled at him._

"_Well I need to shower—wet dreams about Castiel just take so much out of me." Mae told Jimmy with a wink, making Dean chuckle and Sam roll his eyes and laugh._

Mae smiled a little when she thought about Jimmy—he knew a lot about her but had never once asked her about why she had gone to Hell. In fact, no one had ever asked her to elaborate on what had happened. Looking up, Mae watched as a redhead with vibrant eyes came into the basement, and Castiel untied Rae, her taking her place next to Mae. Farrah smiled a little at Mae, who felt uneasy as Sam and Dean began to leave the room.

"Will you stay here with me, Sammy?" Mae asked him.

Sam turned to look at her. "I really think that Cas has this under control."

Mae looked up at Castiel whose eyes met hers. Even though they were technically Jimmy's eyes, she could see Castiel behind them almost. Castiel was so calm and so strong and Mae found herself smiling at him which made Sam feel conflicted again. He was happy that she was enthralled by Castiel, but he also wanted to still feel like she needed him. Part of him had wanted her to protest and ask him to stay anyways, but he was pretty sure by the look on her face that she was good with Castiel.

"Stay just outside the door where I need you." Mae told Sam, smiling at him as he smiled back and nodded. "All right Cas…make me whole again."

"We'll be just outside, Mae." Sam said softly.

Mae smiled. "Thank you, Sammy."

****

"You're too attached to her." Dean told his brother, but he smiled a little. "Cas has it all under control."

"I know he does, Dean—I'm not in love with her or anything so stop making it sound like I am." Sam said defensively.

Dean nodded. "Sorry, Sammy. You know…I think I like her. When she's whole we should let her hunt with us. When she's whole we won't have to be hold up here anymore and we can all three of us go and stop Lilith."

Sam looked at his brother and arched an eyebrow. He had no idea what was going on in Dean's head right now, but he knew that Dean had an ulterior motive—he always had one. Sam ran his fingers through his hair and stood right by the door, wishing that he could stop worrying about this. How was the merging going to work? How was Mae going to feel afterwards? What was she going to be like? Sam had grown quite accustomed to his new friend and he wanted her to stay.

"Wait—can we trust her?" Mae asked suddenly, standing up from her chair.

Castiel reached out to touch her shoulder. "I trust that she will put you back the right way."

Mae was surprised at the human action, but nodded and sat down. "If you trust her then I guess that I do."

Mae smiled at him and then put her hands in her lap, flinching a little as Farrah took her hand silently and sliced a knife over it. Then she did the same thing to Rae and put their palms together. She started doing movements with her hands and chatting under her breath which made Rae raise an eyebrow, and Mae looked at Castiel. Castiel just nodded at her, but Mae wasn't sure about this.

"It honestly looks like she's doing spirit fingers, Cas—is she legit?" Mae asked.

Castiel looked directly at her. "Let her do her ritual…she is the only one who can put you both together again."

"Just let her do it." Rae said with a puff of breath. "What other choice do we have?"

Mae swallowed. "I suddenly feel like talking to you is really me talking to myself."

Rae laughed a little and then Farrah began to talk to them, chanting in a language that Mae and Rae did not understand, but the searing heat was something they understood. They found their hands locked in place, their nerves on fire as they held on. Rae was the first to whimper, Mae not wanting to show Farrah that kind of satisfaction. As the pain began to move to her entire body though, Mae's scream mingled with Rae's.

Castiel had to hold Sam and Dean back as Sam came bursting through the door first at the sound of the pain that Mae was in. Rae had already started sobbing as Farrah's chanting grew louder, Sam wishing he could get to Mae and stop the pain. He'd had time to think and he knew it wasn't the love for a lover that he felt for her, but it wasn't love for a sister either—he just needed her to be safe. Dean had realized this and only wanted to help, hoping that the need to help would outweigh his jealousy.

"What is she…doing…?" Sam started, but trailed off as Rae began to flicker in and out.

"They are becoming whole." Castiel replied in his soft and monotone angelic voice.

Mae bit her lip as the tears streamed down her face, throwing her head back as Rae flickered out of existence for once and for all, memories flooding in all at once. Her head was throbbing in pain and though she had thought of Castiel first—Castiel and his beautiful eyes—her whimper of need was not Castiel's name at all, and Castiel actually found himself wishing that it had been. The minute she had looked in his eyes before he had found himself needing to protect her, and he wanted her to need his protection as much as he needed her safety.

"Sammy." Mae whimpered her head lulling against her chest as the tears streamed just a little bit more.

Sam hurried to her side as Farrah dropped her hands and collapsed on the floor from the exhaustion of the spell. Dean went to check on her, telling them that she was alive and Mae found that being right was not always pleasant. Yes, Rae had been the half of her with the memories, but now that they were back Mae found that she didn't want them. She knew too much, and had absorbed too much of Lilith while Lilith was in her, and she wanted Castiel to take it all back. Why couldn't she be two people? She didn't want to feel this much…there was too much pain.

"Mae, it's okay." Sam told her, stroking her hair and holding her to him as she cried into his chest.

Mae shook her head. "No, it's not. It's _not_ okay. Promise me you won't do it anymore, Sammy—promise me."

"Mae-Mae…" Sam tried, aware of what she was hinting at.

Mae shook her head again and looked him in the eye. "Affection will get you absolutely no where with me right now, Sammy—promise me."

Sam wasn't sure that he _could_ promise her what he knew she wanted him to promise. How could Lilith possibly know that Sam had started to drink demon blood? He hadn't wanted to, and he didn't like it, but Ruby had said that it was the only way to defeat Lilith. Was it possible that Ruby couldn't be trusted? Was it possible that Mae knew enough to know what was right for him and what wasn't even though _he_ didn't?

"I promise." Sam told her reluctantly.

Mae nodded and then looked at Castiel as Sam wiped her tears away with his thumbs. "You and I need to talk Cas…preferably alone."


	8. Serious Mistake

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay so this chapter is called "Serious Mistake" for a reason.**

**It's dark, but the Cas/Mae romance is also starting to blossom as an actual romance.**

**Not just lust.**

**Oooooh!**

**You're excited for that, right?**

**But first, it's the dark stuff…and not all of you will be happy about it, but it's a big part of the relationship development for Sam, Mae, Cas and Dean.**

**This is also the longest chapter yet.**

****

"Make sure that she doesn't get away anywhere—we still need her." Mae told Dean, and he nodded, picking up the passed out Farrah and tying her to the chair that Mae had been sitting in. "Cas? A word please?"

Castiel nodded at her and followed her out of the room, Sam looking after them and sighing a little bit. If Lilith knew about the demon blood, then that meant he knew a lot more about Ruby's plan than she was letting on. Did Ruby know that Lilith knew? She was supposed to be getting information through the grapevine…she was supposed to be on his side trying to stop the apocalypse…she was supposed to be good. Maybe he needed to go and talk to her.

"Sammy? A little help here, please?" Dean asked him.

Sam nodded, knowing that right then he was needed here. He needed to flip through some of those books they had on witches and figure out some binding spells. Dean couldn't be left to that kind of stuff by himself—that was why they were a team. Sam had all the random facts and language knowledge and Dean had all of the know-how and gung-ho attitude. Without each other, they'd both be completely lost.

"I'm on it." Sam told him, heading for the book as Mae ran her fingers through her hair.

Mae had been feeling different since she and Rae had become one again. With all of the memories floating around now and the feelings, Mae was feeling a little sick. She still felt vivacious and vulgar…but she also felt guilty and like she should restrain herself. There were more important things at stake—there was an entire world to save. Besides…Mae couldn't let a man break her heart again. Man…_or_ angel.

"You should be resting." Castiel told her, knowing he was feeling concern for her.

Mae was incredibly strong, and he knew that she was feeling drained, but he didn't know how to help her. She was his charge, and only his charge, but he felt compassion for her and her suffering just as he did for Dean. The two of them were so strong on the outside, but so fragile on the inside, and Jimmy was right—she deserved to know real love. She deserved to be able to feel what it was like to have someone be there for her and not betray her.

Jimmy's feelings were known to Castiel when he had entered back into his vessel, and they were conflicting with his job. Though Jimmy himself was not sexually or romantically attracted to Mae, Jimmy had seen the pain written in her eyes. The only reason he'd caved so fast to give Mae his blessing, was because he'd felt Castiel's need for love as well. But Castiel knew love—he had the love of the father…he didn't need any other kind of love…he was completely satisfied…right?

"You look like _you're_ the one that should be resting." Mae told him with a smile. "What's got you all frowny and contemplatey?"

Castiel looked at her. "What is it that you needed to talk to me about?"

Mae took a deep breath. "Sam has been drinking demon blood. It's not like a regular thing yet, but it's big—Lilith _needs_ him too, which means we have to stop it. I care about him way too much to just let him fall."

Castiel nodded and ignored the twinge of jealousy at how much Mae cared about Sam already. He was aware that this woman was very skilled at forming incredibly strong bonds with people, but she and Sam had only known each other a little over a week. How could she already be emotionally attached to him? How could he, Castiel, already be emotionally attached to her too? Why was he feeling human with her right now? Was it her sad eyes, or the way he could feel the pain of her throbbing head and hand?

"Let me heal you." Castiel told her and reached out for her hand but she pulled it away.

"I need to live with the pain." She replied. "I just…it's something I need."

Castiel looked at her. "You have been forgiven for what you did."

Mae scoffed softly. "I highly doubt that."

Castiel searched the pain in her eyes for an answer and found her looking away from him as the tears started to come. All she could think about in that moment was Michael and how he'd made her feel…how he'd betrayed her…and how she had in turn betrayed a woman she didn't even know that didn't deserve it.

"_Michael, Baby…what's wrong?" Mae asked, sitting on his lap._

_She was straddling him as he laid on her bed, and she nibbled on the hollow of his throat because she knew that he liked that. He was stroking her hair and running his fingers along her bra straps, trying to figure out how to tell her that he was married. This had been fun for him, and Mae had been pretty willing but it was getting too deep for him and he had to get out—he knew she loved him. He knew there was no way that he could ever love her back. She was simply the fun, sexy girl he'd needed to keep his mind off of his responsibility. How could he lose her?_

"_You feel like you're a million miles away." Mae said, smiling as he moaned a little._

"_Baby, I have something I gotta tell you." Michael told her softly, and smiled at her in the loving way he was so used to plastering on his face to get his way. "You may not forgive me for this."_

_Mae sat up and shifted a little making Michael hold back a groan as he felt the movement against his crotch. How could he tell her? She'd stop putting out and he needed that. Still…his wife was suspecting and he needed her to know she had to be a little more careful. He could lie! He could just tell her that he was separated and needed to finalize the divorce. Perfect…she'd understand __**that**__._

"_Michael…I could never love you any less than I do now, no matter what you say." She smiled and stroked his bare chest, making him sigh a little._

_Michael looked her in the eye. "This whole time I've been separated from my wife and we're finalizing the divorce…I'm…I'm married, Mae."_

Castiel reached out to touch her but Mae shied away, Castiel nodding and disappearing as angels tended to do. Mae reached up to wipe a tear away and then she perked up a little. What was that sound she'd just heard? Car, yes, but with all of the memories and the feelings that Lilith had been able to feel residing in her now, Mae knew that feeling…a demon was near. That was it—Operation: Save Sammy now had to commence.

****

Even though Mae had now only known Sam, Dean and Cas for a month and a half—Dean a little longer if you counted Hell—she felt like she had been inducted officially into the Winchester family. She and Dean were now getting along more than they used to, and Dean had found that since she was whole, he found himself less jealous—but only because now Dean was back on the top of Castiel's list. He had noticed the fleeting looks between the two but ignored it because Mae had been following Sam around quite frequently.

What Dean didn't know was that Mae was simply trying to stop Sam from drinking demon blood. He was important to her, and him being demon blood free was important for the stopping of the apocalypse. In all fairness, keeping Sam close and away from Ruby was a win-win situation for her…but she missed Castiel. She knew that Castiel and Dean both thought that there was more to Sam and Mae than there was, and for now, Mae was going to have to live with that. She adored her guardian angel and her pseudo big brother…but they just couldn't understand why she and Sam needed each other so much.

"Ruby, I have to look at every possibility." Sam told her.

Ruby was beyond pissed that Sam would even point the finger at her. She knew that she was deceiving him, but he wasn't supposed to know that. Mae was standing in the way of progress, so it was up to Ruby to go about her feminine wiles. Forget Mae and hers—Mae would lose to Ruby. If it came down to killing her then so be it, but for now, Ruby had to convince Sam to leave the motel with her and let Mae and Dean finish the hunt on their own…she didn't care that Mae blamed her for Farrah's escape…and rightly should blame her too.

"I cannot believe that you believe her over me! If Lilith found out about it, then that's our bad because we've been careless, but I did not simply run along to Lilith and tell her! She wants me dead, remember?" Ruby asked him angrily. "Or do you not remember whose side I'm on?"

Sam ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "I just…I promised her, Ruby. I'm not doing it anymore—I want have anymore."

Ruby scoffed. "She has got you completely whipped and you hardly even know her. Do I need to remind you who was there for you while your brother was in the pit?"

Sam gave her a look. "Don't try to guilt trip me, Ruby."

"What the fuck is she doing here?" Mae asked as she came out of the bedroom part of the motel. "I don't think I said we needed Demon Skank's help."

"Real classy." Ruby said and then looked at Sam. "I will be in the car waiting for you to knock some sense back into your head and help me stop the apocalypse, Sammy."

"Don't call him 'Sammy'." Mae told her possessively and pointed at the door. "Let it hit you in the ass on the way out."

Sam ran his fingers through his hair and sighed deeply—as far as he was aware they both meant well. He didn't know why they couldn't just get along, besides the fact that Mae thought that Ruby was a lying scumbag and that Ruby thought Mae was holding him back. All Sam wanted was to stop the apocalypse and Ruby and Mae were fighting on the same side but against each other. In all honesty though…if Sam could stop the apocalypse without the use of demon blood…he would much rather do that. Since there was no other choice right now though, he had to go and follow Ruby.

"I have to go." Sam told Mae.

Mae couldn't think of any good verbal reason for him to stay, but she dreaded her next decision. As Sam grabbed his coat to go, Mae kissed him and though stunned, Sam found himself kissing her back as she slid her fingers into his hair. She didn't want to lose her Back-From-Hell-Virginity to Sam Winchester, but right now she had no choice. Half Mae would just jump at the chance to bang something living, but whole Mae was aware of what using him would feel like for both of them and she didn't want that feeling. Unfortunately, just asking him to stay wouldn't be enough because he thought that he was saving the world by doing as Ruby asked. All she could do now was give him a legitimate reason to stay until she could come up with a better one.

"I don't want you to go, Sammy." She whispered, pulling him towards the bedroom and the bed.

Sam found himself not really wanting to sleep with her either, but when she slid one of her hands down into his pants he found himself not able to pull away from her. If she wanted it, then he'd oblige—especially now that he could feel her trying to get him up and aroused. He moaned a little into her mouth and she just nodded, quite aware that this was a violation in a way to both of them. Maybe if she just pretended that he was Castiel…maybe if she just pretended right then as Sam took off his shirt that he was Castiel and Castiel had just shed his coat and his loosened his tie, she could get through this. Maybe if she just tried to talk to him instead of assuming he wouldn't understand.

"I have to stop Lilith." Sam whispered to her, starting to pull away because he knew it wasn't right.

Mae shook her head, knowing talking wasn't the answer. "You have time…stay with me right now, Sammy."

Sam nodded as the kneading to his length continued, but as her hand slipped out of his pants and slid up his torso, he heard the 's' of Castiel's name slip past her teeth, even though she was desperately trying to keep it to herself. His body went rigid and he pulled his hands away from her, pulling back and looking her in the eye. She looked conflicted and sad…and it was his fault she felt that way.

"You don't want to." He told her, stroking her hair as they both tried to take even breaths.

Even though the male contact between her legs had started to feel pleasing she had to be honest with him…she had to shake her head. She felt the tears come and Sam shushed her and kissed her forehead, resting his half body naked on hers, and holding her in his arms. Mae nodded into his strong chest and let him hold her. He was quite aware right then that Mae just wanted what was best for him, and in order to not hurt her, he had to listen to her. He had to do whatever it was that she told him to do because she wanted him safe.

"Don't go with her." Mae said.

Sam shook his head. "I won't."


	9. You Can Kiss Me Almost

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Sammy needs to start listening with his head again.**

**Sheesh, they totally almost went where neither of them wanted to go.**

**Ruby should die…yeah, I think so.**

**Okay, there's a **_**whole**_** lot of Castiel in this chapter.**

**And it's fluffier, I promise.**

****

Mae pulled her shirt on and looked at Sam as he sat on the bed trying to make his body calm down. Mae blushed a little and couldn't help but laugh, Sam shooting her a look. It was completely not funny that he had to sit there to make his body cooperate with him. She had been part of the reason that his body was in a state of desire right now, even though neither of them was going to act on it. She had tried to contain the laugh, but she just couldn't do it—she was embarrassed and the laughing was helping.

"I'm sorry I got you up and ready and I'm not going to stay to help you get down and satisfied." She told him, biting her lip to keep more laughs in.

Sam sighed. "You know you're not so tough anymore."

Mae nodded. "You can see right through me now?"

"Maybe not _right_ through you but…you mask the pain less now." Sam explained.

Mae had been quite aware that she was no longer as good at masking her pain as she had been when she only had half of her emotions. Now all she could think about was how badly she screwed things up, and her only way to hide that was through sex and jokes about sex. She hadn't always been that way, but soon after Michael left her to go back to his wife, she found that sex was her only weapon. She used it like Dean did, and it was going to take some time to try and focus on hunting—focus on the apocalypse.

"So what happened?" Sam asked her cautiously. "What made you cut love out of your life?"

Mae looked him in the eye. "Michael left to go back to his wife when she told him they were having a baby…and I realized that I'd completely screwed myself over."

"I just—you seem way too good to be some asshole's mistress." Sam told her.

Mae smiled. "Well in my defense, I didn't know he was married until we'd already been screwing around for like 6 months."

Sam's eyes widened—they way she'd talked about it, he had just assumed she'd entered into it all willingly. Mae had a lot more to her than she let on, and he was becoming aware that Mae paraded around as something else because she could control that. She hadn't been able to control Michael being a douche, and she couldn't control her feelings for Michael, and she couldn't control Michael's wife getting pregnant—but she could control what other people thought about her. Sam wanted to get up and stroke her hair or hug her, but he was determined not to move until his erection went away.

Mae smiled a little. "You think you're figuring me out over there?"

Sam opened his mouth to say something, but Castiel appeared and so Sam grabbed a pillow and placed it over his lap, Castiel looking from him to Mae. Mae blushed a little as Sam did, and then nodded when Castiel motioned his head for the door. Castiel didn't know why, but he didn't want Mae to simply indulge herself with the closest person to her. She had healing to do, and masking it without something as simple and complex as sex was not the healthy way to go about anything. Still, she was human, and humans sometimes hid their pain with physical actions…why did he even care how she dealt with it?

He had been given orders to take Mae out to rediscover herself, and to make sure she was comfortable. She was a huge part of stopping Lilith, and though he knew she needed to be comforted, it was his orders—so Sam shouldn't be going it. Wait…was this jealousy he was feeling? He had known he felt a twinge of jealousy before but this was different—this feeling was taking over his entire stomach. He just wanted to do his job—could Sam Winchester just never let him do his job?

"So what do you need from me now, Cas?" Mae asked him kindly.

Castiel looked at the woman before him and wished wholeheartedly that he hadn't felt Jimmy's feelings about her before. Jimmy thought she was strong and determined, and that she had great care for those around her…but that she needed protection…that she needed love she'd never actually had. Jimmy was much too devoted to his wife and his daughter to think of Mae in a sexual or romantic way, but he admired her and her forwardness. Come to think of it…Castiel admired her for the way she carried herself as well…and he admired that she was willing to pay for her sins through pain.

"You should let me heal the cut on your hand." Castiel told her.

Mae smiled. "You're very sweet but…the gauze is kind of a fashion statement."

Castiel nodded. "You and I are going to go and hunt down Farrah."

Mae nodded at him and then suddenly the two of them were already gone from the motel and in the middle of a forest. Mae had actually never felt too comforted by forests, and when she hugged her shoulders and shivered a little, Castiel shed his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. She smiled warmly at him, a blush rising in his cheeks and Castiel simply looked away. He knew she was equating the motion to gentlemanly behavior and wondering how in the world an angel could show that, but he simply looked towards the edge in the direction Mae wasn't looking.

"I forget sometimes that humans feel the cold—I do not." He told her simply.

Mae nodded. "Yes…of course…thank you."

Castiel smiled ever so slightly. "You are welcome."

****

They had searched for an hour and a half, and there was no sign of Farrah anywhere. Mae was certain that Ruby as behind this and if she was, then she was incredibly good at covering her tracks. When a twig snapped, Mae instinctively moved towards Castiel, their hands brushing against each others. Castiel felt Mae slip her hand into his when he didn't pull his hand away, and though he did not grasp hers back, they both knew that he did not mind the action.

"I don't think that we're going to find her." Mae said, and ran her thumb along Castiel's warm hand with a slight smile on her face. "You are some guardian angel, you know that?"

Castiel desperately wanted to change the subject since he knew she was going to start complimenting him now. He really didn't think that he could handle her going on a tangent about how wonderful and protective he was. He was simply Castiel—simply an angel of the Lord, and he was only doing his job. Remembering what his latest job as supposed to be, he sighed a little and closed his hand around Mae, making her look at his hand just to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Was she…holding hands with Castiel? With _Castiel_?!

"There is one question I have wanted to ask you since you were put under my care." Castiel told her as they started to walk along a little more, Castiel still determined to find where Farrah had been hidden.

Mae swallowed. "I don't know if I feel comfortable talking to you about it."

"Why not? I am an angel." Castiel replied lamely. "I will not judge you."

"Of course you will." Mae told him and it wasn't mean at all—she was just aware that it was the truth. "Suicide is kind of highly frowned upon up there with the big guy and his chorus."

Castiel looked at her and when her eyes met his he was overrun with sadness. This woman had been through so much more than he could ever imagine having to go through himself, and she regretted so much. He was certain though, that with her stubbornness, she wouldn't change what she did, whether she regretted it or not. Castiel found himself reaching out to stroke her hair, both of them surprised by his action. He was angel…his first reaction was always to heal. Unfortunately, they both knew that he couldn't heal the pain that she had in her heart.

"I was weak, Cas." Mae whispered, closing her eyes as she felt his fingers running through her hair. "I didn't think there was anything else for me to do since I was going to Hell anyways."

"You could have repented—God is forgiving." Castiel replied.

Mae scoffed. "Forgiving to a broken commandment?"

"You do not think that Dean has broken a commandment or two in his day and yet he is the 'righteous' man that started the apocalypse?" Castiel asked her.

Mae had to pause herself there—Castiel was right. In order to break the seals, a righteous man had to shed blood in Hell…and Dean was not what Mae would consider a righteous man. He sinned all the time, and sometimes he even thoroughly enjoyed it, but God had a plan for him. Maybe if she hadn't been so weak and broken, she could have picked up the pieces of her life and seen what God had in store for her. Mae shook her head though to push the thoughts away—there was no point in changing the past. Besides, the past is what had made her who she was…no matter how battered and unfixable.

"What is Heaven like?" Mae asked him.

Castiel shook his head. "That would spoil it for you."

"I'm not going to get to go there anyways." Mae told him with a small laugh. "You might as well fill me in on what I'm going to be missing."

"Why do you think you shouldn't be saved? That you shouldn't be forgiven?" Castiel asked her.

Mae shrugged a little and stepped closer to him, looking up at him. Castiel looked her directly in the eye and she reached up to stroke his cheek. There was a little bit of stubble on his face, but that was to be expected—she was pretty sure Castiel wasn't going to get up and shave everyday. Still…the prickly feeling of his hair on her hand made her shiver pleasantly. He reached out to adjust her coat, completely unaware that the shiver had nothing to do with the temperature outside. She wanted him…she wanted him and she wasn't quite sure what was drawing her to him anymore.

Mae swallowed. "I don't want to be forgiven because I have not yet forgiven myself. What I did was low and it was cruel, and I deserved to go to Hell."

"You did not deserve to die." Castiel told her. "Humans make mistakes—it is simply part of being human."

Mae shrugged. "Even so…I abused what love is."

"Mae…you deserve to know what real love actually is—Michael never loved you. If he did, he never would have put you through what he did." Castiel replied, and found her leaning up a little, and he leaned down ever so slightly.

"You deserve love too, Castiel—more than just the love that the Father can give you." Mae whispered and then she winked at him.

Castiel was quite aware by this point that Mae masked her pain with sex, and she was flirtatious and vulgar when she wanted to change the subject off of something heavy. She was fascinating, and Castiel wanted to make the sadness in her eyes go away, so he leaned in a little more and Mae swallowed, closing her eyes slowly. Was this what it was like to feel the need to kiss someone…to _want_ to kiss someone? Castiel found himself ready to find out, but just as his lips were inches from his, he stood up straight and went alert.

Mae had felt the rush of air and opened her eyes and pulled back. They both knew that she was disappointed and couldn't hide it on her face, but Castiel was still an angel…he still had another charge. Mae pulled the coat around her as a breeze went by and she took a step back, completely shutting herself off from him. Castiel did not want her to shut him out like this, but he understood her frustration. He was already quite aware that she had lust for him, and he had just started to initiate something and then left her there waiting for something that might never come. He was an angel after all…he shouldn't be fraternizing with his charge.

"What's wrong?" Mae asked him.

Castiel looked at her. "Dean is calling for me."


	10. Lips of an Angel

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Oh snaps!**

**Dean totally ruined everything!**

**Castiel was feeling all like he had to fix her and heal her and they were going to kiss but 'BAM!' Dean called for Cas!**

**You just wanna punch him right now, don't you?**

**Well what could happen now that they have time to rethink things?**

****

Castiel could admit that he was a little disappointed, but at the same time as much as he knew about Mae…as much as he wanted to protect her and heal her…she was his charge. Not only was he not allowed to involve himself in romantic relationship, but it would be unprofessional to engage in such behaviors. He attributed all of this to a momentary lapse of judgment, and as sad as Mae probably felt right then about it, he couldn't cave like that again. Then again, he wasn't sure if he could just let her stand there looking at him fondly without acting on some sort of impulse.

"I guess we better heed the call of the desperate." Mae said, starting to take the coat off.

She was just slipping it off of her shoulders when they appeared in front of Dean, Dean raising an eyebrow as she handed Castiel his coat back and then was a little startled. She wasn't used to the jumping from one place to the next thing yet, and to have Dean raising his eyebrow like that wasn't helping the situation. He was about to make a joke and though she thought she could handle them coming from Dean since she made similar ones, she didn't want to joke about this. She had been waiting to kiss Castiel for real since he healed her the first time he found her lying on the ground, her body abandoned by Lilith…and Dean had ruined that by calling for him.

"What exactly is the problem?" Mae asked Dean as he opened his mouth to make a joke.

Dean looked at her. "The problem is Sam is missing…but if that cuts into your private time, then by all means I'll go into the other room to let him pin you properly."

"Where did he go?" Mae asked, far too worried about what Sam might be doing to even acknowledge Dean's attempt at humor.

Castiel knew he shouldn't be upset that she was suddenly entirely focused on Sam, but he was. Sam Winchester was once again the main focus of her attention, and no matter what he did for her, he would always come second to Sam—he was sure of it. In leaving Mae with them, he knew he was partially to blame for the bond they had made, and that was what was eating him up the most. This woman, his second charge, needed him, but she was completely enamored by Sam, and Castiel knew he couldn't change that. Then again, Sam had gone off the deep end and Mae was supposedly his friend.

"Do you think I have any idea where he went?" Dean asked her. "You're the one shacking up with him when you're not trying to get groped by an angel, so you should know."

Mae blushed and rolled her eyes. "I am _not_ doing Sam nor do I see 'groped by an angel' anywhere in my future so how about we stop _trying_ to be vulgar and funny and we find Sammy, okay?"

"Do you think he is with Ruby?" Castiel asked out loud.

Mae nodded. "I'm pretty positive that he is."

Trying to remind himself that Mae cared about Sam only because he was her closest friend right now, Castiel offered to look for him. Mae smiled at him to thank him and once he disappeared she gave Dean a look. Dean shrugged because he hadn't expected her to be so touchy about it, apologizing and telling her to get in the car. There were a few places that they could look for him, and if all else failed then they could always retreat back to the motel and wait for Castiel to find something. Still…Dean had questions on his mind that only Mae could answer.

"So…wanna tell me about the Mae/Sam hook-up and then wearing Cas's coat?" Dean asked her.

Mae sighed. "Sam and I only _almost_ hooked up—neither of us really wanted to, I was just trying to keep him from heading off with Ruby…I don't trust her."

Dean nodded. "That's something you and I agree on, but she was there for him while I was dead…it's not going to be easy to convince him that she's just like every other demon."

"But she's _not_ just like every other demon." Mae told him. "She's much worse, and I don't want her near him.

Dean looked at her for a moment and then put his eyes back on the road. "You really care about him…don't you?"

Dean smiled as Mae nodded, and he couldn't help but really like her right in that moment. She hadn't even been with them all for very long, but she was completely willing to do anything for Sam, and that to Dean was the most redeemable quality that she could have. So what if Sam was attached to her and Dean had share Castiel with her? She was willing to die for his family, and he didn't mind sharing the load of protection with her if she really wanted to share the brunt of the weight. Besides…he had cut into her in Hell, and he owed her more than his jealous reactions.

"I always fall for men I can't have." Mae blurted out suddenly.

Dean nodded. "I've started to notice that."

Mae smiled a little. "He healed me, and he has faith I can't even begin to be able to comprehend, and he…he has nothing but good intentions."

"It's normal to want what can protect you…what you know won't hurt you." Dean replied, knowing she was referring to Castiel.

"It all started off as lust for the beautiful face staring down at me when I opened my eyes, but…he has faith in me that I don't have in myself." Mae explained. "The kind of faith in me that Sam has in me no matter what I say or do."

Mae took a deep breath as she thought about Sam and Castiel and the places that they held in her life. Sam was her best friend and she knew that he was always going to have her back no matter what happened. They both knew what it was like to lose themselves to temptations and to loathe what they had become—they understood each other. With Castiel, Mae knew he was always going to put her above himself, and as selfish as that was for her to love that about him, she'd never had anyone do that for her before. She'd never felt like she was more than just a pretty face…like she was actually worth loving…not when after Michael told her he was married and she still kept seeing him.

Dean reached out to take her hand, surprising both of them. "Us doubters have to stick together, Mae…Sam and Cas have to see _something_ in us worth seeing to deal with us, right?"

****

Dean and Mae had driven around with absolutely not luck, returning to the motel and waiting for news. Castiel had come and said he knew where Sam was, and that he had something to take of. Dean caught the lingering gaze at Mae from Castiel, and wondered if that had been love in his eyes…or simply the longing to fix something broken. After talking a little more, Dean had realized that Mae was just as beautifully broken as he was, and they respected each other a lot more. Dean also found himself liking her a lot more when Sam walked in the motel room door and her response after her relief was a hard slap to his face.

Mae took a deep breath. "What the Hell were you thinking?!"

"Mae…I didn't do it." Sam told her, running his hand along his stinging cheek and welcoming her body against his as she threw her arms around him.

"Promise me?" She asked as she buried her face in his neck.

Sam nodded, stroking her hair. "I promise."

Mae pulled away and looked him in the eye. "Well forgive me if I don't necessarily believe every promise you give me since you ran off with Demon Skank."

Dean watched as Sam kissed Mae's forehead and she smiled at him, punching him in the arm. She was almost like their sister…well more like their step-sister seeing as how Sam and Mae had almost slept together. He could tell though that Mae was only in that to protect him from Ruby…strange that Sam seemed be the one thinking with the downstairs brain. Ruby had seriously changed Sam while Dean was dead, and Dean wasn't sure that he liked that. Besides, if Mae seriously thought that Ruby had to go, then Ruby had to go.

"What exactly did you do with Demon Skank that you two are all buddy-buddy about?" Dean asked, referring to the demon blood he had no idea about.

Mae scrunched up her nose. "Please tell me you didn't bang her dead body again."

Sam shot Mae a look. "How much of a whore do you think I am?"

"You want me to answer that?" Mae asked him with a playfully raised eyebrow and a smirk.

Sam's hands immediately shot out to tickle her, and Dean rolled his eyes as Mae laughed and Castiel appeared. Dean was the first to notice his presence and cleared his throat, Mae looking over and abruptly standing up, Sam taking his hands away quickly. This was the second time that Castiel had appeared that day and Mae and Sam seemed incredibly friendly. Sam hated that he was slowly ruining Mae's chances to try and obtain Castiel…no matter how certain Sam was that Castiel would never cave. Then again, Castiel had been looking at her differently the last few days—it probably had something to do with what she'd told him about Michael.

Castiel looked at Dean. "Zachariah needs to meet with you…I'm supposed to take you to him."

"Will we be looking for Farrah later, or should Sam and I devise our own search?" Mae asked him, quite aware that he was avoiding eye contact with her.

"It does matter how finding her is achieved; the object is finding her." Castiel replied, not looking at her.

Mae nodded. "Dean is kind of in need of finishing something up so if I could talk to you for a moment…charge to protector?"

Castiel had a fleeting feeling that this was simply a rouse to get him alone, but refusing her in front of Sam and Dean was not an option. He nodded at her and followed her into the other room, Sam and Dean exchanging glances as Mae took a deep breath and turned to face him. She hadn't wanted to make a big scene, but she was quite aware that Castiel was showing jealousy. Mae had seen the look before—she'd _had_ the look before—and she wanted to let him know somehow that if he wanted her, she was his. From the moment she'd felt his hands on her, healing her, she knew what her new focus was.

"You don't have to be jealous about Sammy." Mae told Castiel.

Castiel looked at her for the first time since he'd come. "I do not know what you are insinuating. I am simply here to take Dean to Zachariah."

Mae nodded and came up to him, kissing him before he knew what was happening. She slid one arm around his waist inside his coat as his lips moved against hers, and slid the other hand into his hair. Though it took a moment, Castiel cupped her chin with one hand and stroked her hair with the other, wondering why he felt so happy suddenly. He'd never kissed a woman before—not in a human body. There were feelings of pleasure and happiness, and her lips were soft. He hadn't expected to want this, but he did, and he wanted more than that.

Though surprised, Castiel opened his mouth a little as Mae teased the corners of it with her tongue, oddly enjoying the sensation of her tongue slowly pushing in. His body shivered a little as she moved hers up against him, trying to compensate for the height difference as she tried to kiss him more. He found himself resituating to wrap his arms around her, pulling her closer, and when she shifted against him again, he grunted ever so softly which made her smile and pull away. Right where she wanted him, she kissed his wet lips softly, and though missing the warmth of them, he let her pull out of his arms.

"Dean has somewhere to be." She said.

Castiel nodded and turned to leave the room. "Thank you."

Mae smiled. "Anyone ever tell you that you're very polite?"

Castiel couldn't help but smile at her, but he wiped it off his face when he reentered the room with Sam and Dean. Dean nodded that he was ready, and then he and Castiel disappeared and Sam watched Mae come into the room, beaming with excitement.


	11. Dealing With the Lies

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**They kissed!**

**Mmm…Cas…**

**=)**

**So why does Zachariah want to see Dean?**

**And if Sam didn't go to Ruby for sex and/or blood…what the Hell did he do?**

**WARNING: Very slight Cas smut.**

**=P**

****

"What do you think Zachariah wants with Dean?" Sam asked Mae as she touched her lips gently with her fingertips. "And how was the Cas kiss?"

"How obvious is it that I kissed him?" Mae asked Sam, blushing a little bit, but feeling completely blissful too.

Sam smiled. "I was making the same face for a week when Jessica and I kissed for the first time. This is new…you're with an angel."

Mae shook her head and motioned for him to stop—she wasn't _with_ an angel…she'd just kissed one. Castiel had seemed happy about it, and he'd said 'thank you' to her _for_ the kiss, but she wasn't dating him. She was just simply at a new level with him, and she was incredibly happy about that. This is what she had wanted, and she was even happier that Sam was happy for her, and that he was smiling at her with a look that wasn't lustful. He was simply happy that she was happy, and as warm and cared about as _that_ made her feel, Mae was worried about Sam.

"Why the Hell did you go and see Demon Skank?" Mae asked Sam with a sad voice.

Sam sighed. "She was waiting in the car and I figured that if I needed to exercise this power of mine, then I should at least use the powers—but I swear to you I did _not_ drink any demon blood. Even if I was tempted because it really does make me stronger."

"Sure for a short while—what happens when that strength is depleted? You just drink some more? Do you really want to be a necrophiliac _and_ a blood drinker? Because though both disgusting on their own, together it's a whole new level of creepy." Mae told Sam and he laughed a little at the playful tone she ended up using towards the end. "But seriously, Sammy…I'm glad you made the choice not to drink the demon blood."

Sam nodded and returned her hug, the smile on his face fading as he let it all sink in—he was lying to her. He had promised her and thought that he could go through with it, but when he'd hit a road block with a powerful demon, he asked Ruby for a taste. He hadn't wanted to do it, but when he felt that surge of power he just couldn't deny himself the rush. It was only supposed to be a small taste—just a little one—and it had turned into a furious devouring. He _needed_ her blood…Mae just couldn't understand just how much he needed to be strong for the apocalypse.

"Hey…why so sad?" Mae asked, smiling at him as she pulled away.

If she hadn't been so happy about kissing Castiel, she would have noticed the look in his eyes as he lied to her. Mae and Sam had gotten so close so fast that they were really good at reading each other—if they were focusing. Sam stroked her hair and then shrugged a little, putting on his game face and then smirking at her. Mae raised an eyebrow at the action, but felt flattered at the same time when Sam opened his mouth to lie again. If only she was focusing…then she'd know that he was lying to her and she'd be able to figure out what he did with Ruby and give him a good kick in the ass.

"Cas is gonna get you and that means the rest of us are completely losing out." Sam told her playfully.

Mae smiled. "You are completely pulling the wool over my eyes, Sammy—do you really want a piece of this?"

Sam laughed. "I would never step in on Cas' territory."

"Yeah because _that_ really answered my question." Mae told him while she rolled her eyes.

Sam laughed again when she punched his arm playfully, hugging him and suddenly realizing that he was tense. When Sam was tense that meant that he was lying, so did that mean that…no, right? Sam wouldn't blatantly lie about why he'd gone to see Ruby, would he? He wouldn't lie to her…or would he? Maybe he was so afraid of what she would say or do if he told her the truth that he had in fact lied to her? Why would he lie to her after all of this? Why would he jeopardize what they'd built just to protect Ruby?

Dean was actually feeling quite lied to himself when he got to Zachariah. He had been brought before him to be told some of his duties and at first he had been excited because he was getting to do this and Mae wasn't, but then he saw the look on Castiel's face and knew that something big was up. He looked Zachariah in the eye and then waited for the angel to speak to him. Dean was a little tired of being told to shut-up—Uriel used to tell him to shut-up all the time—so he waited patiently…and that was hard for him. Dean had always been a man of action, and so waiting for the angel was getting painful and it had only been a good 20 seconds since he'd gotten there.

"I do not believe that you are aware of how dangerous your companion is." Zachariah told Dean as Dean opened his mouth to speak. "We left her alive thus far only because she had information that we needed—information that you must ask her to share with you. Then? Then she has to die."

Dean looked at Zachariah and shook his head. "No…I am not killing Mae. It's not her fault that Lilith shoved memories into her head! No! I won't do it and you can't make me do it!"

Dean couldn't help but feel sick with himself as he realized that he would have actually jumped at this chance for the wrong reasons before. Mae wasn't just some girl who was encroaching on his territory—Mae was a living and breathing girl with feelings and with every right to get to live. Dean had spent so much time feuding with her that he kept overlooking what he did to her in Hell, and he had to make up for it—he had to save her no matter what. He looked to Castiel—Castiel who needed to stand up for Mae too.

"I do not see why it is imperative to kill Mae." Castiel told Zachariah, and Dean nodded—thank you Castiel for finally showing some goddamn backbone.

Zachariah looked at Castiel. "Forgive me for saying this, Castiel, but it's really not your place to go against my orders, is it?"

Castiel sadly shook his head. "No it is not."

Castiel was the last person who wanted to harm Mae in any way—he knew they hadn't been together for very long as charge and protected, but Castiel knew that there were feelings in him that only Mae could bring out. He had wanted to stay there and kiss her for as long as he could have, but she had been the one to pull away. He couldn't possibly kill her—but how could he go against God's orders? How could he have gotten himself in like this…and more importantly…how could God seriously want an innocent girl dead? Sure she had sinned, but then she had taken her torture in Hell and now she was helping them to stop the breaking of the seals…what was going on?

"Do as I say, Dean." Zachariah told him, touching his forehead and sending him back to the safe house, looking over as Sam cowered, Mae throwing something breakable his direction.

****

Castiel sat down on a park bench next to Anna, Anna smiling at him fondly. She wanted to reach out and stroke his hair to try and calm him down, but Castiel was no human male—he was an angel that found comfort in doing what he was told. Still, he looked as if he had gotten some bad news, and he only seemed to come to her when he did, so she was ready to console him with words. Anna found herself missing the company of this angel, and she would give anything to be back on the same side with him.

"You're distraught—you don't normally doubt." Anna told him.

Castiel nodded. "I am very fond of Mae."

Anna swallowed—not what she had wanted to hear. "Why does being fond of her make you distraught? We were always taught that love was one of the most important feelings that we could feel—it's one of the only feelings we can't get in trouble for."

Castiel wanted to tell her exactly what was going on with him and Mae because he knew that she would understand, but at the same time he wanted to keep it all to himself. He also felt like maybe he should talk to Mae about it firsthand, because this involved her and _not_ Anna. Castiel looked at Anna as she smiled back at him and he opened his mouth to say something but shut it again. Anna nodded because she understood, and he found himself taking a deep breath and deciding to let it all out.

"I find myself attracted to her but Zachariah says I have to get the Lilith information out of her and then kill her." Castiel told her. "When he made Dean go back to the safe house, he explained to me that she was crazy…but I don't think that she is."

Anna reached out to touch his hand and Castiel found himself wishing that her hand was Mae's. Castiel didn't know why he was feeling all of these feelings, and he didn't know how to make them stop. If he got close to her and then had to kill her, he wouldn't be able to do his job—he wouldn't be able to carry out his orders. Why did he feel like this? Feel like he needed to be close to her? Once you let yourself be able to love, it was hard to turn off, _especially_ for an angel. Angels were supposed to love humans unconditionally, and they were supposed to be healing and nurturing.

"Talk to her." Anna told him.

Castiel nodded, completely unaware that Mae was in quite a state at that moment. She was not crazy or lying or trying to bring about the apocalypse, she was simply pissed at Sam for lying to her. She had found out when she had focused on looking in his eyes that he had gone to see Ruby for blood, and she couldn't forgive him. How could he run off and do that when she had told him not to? When he had _promised_ her that he wouldn't? Lilith needed him to drink the demon blood, and now she had to come clean about it, and she hadn't wanted to have to come clean with it when Sam hadn't told Dean on his own.

"What the Hell is going on around here?" Dean asked in a loud voice "Why is there throwing and yelling?"

"Why don't you ask your son of a bitch, brother?!" Mae yelled. "I bet he's just _dying_ to tell you what he and his demon whore have been up to! And if he doesn't I'm more than willing to share since it has to do with the apocalypse!"

Sam scoffed. "Yes it does—it has to do with _stopping_ the apocalypse!"

"No! It has to do with _starting_ it!" Mae shot back. "And to top it off, the angels know _exactly_ what the last seal is! Do you, Sammy? Huh? Do you? No, you don't, but _I_ do!"

Sam scoffed again as Mae's eyes blazed into his and Dean ran his hand down his face. Mae swallowed and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as Sam straightened up and looked at her hard—she was telling the truth. Lilith being in her body had given her just the leverage she needed—just the information that she needed. He had to believe her whether he wanted to or not, so he would have to straighten up and ask her about it. Why was he feeling like he didn't _want_ to know?

"What is the last seal?" Dean asked her, putting together Zachariah's message and wanting to shove something up the angel's ass. "And what do you mean the angels know?"

Mae took a deep breath. "While Lilith was in my body she was always talking about how he was almost ready…how _Sam_ was almost ready. Ruby has been preparing Sam to kill Lilith—"

"—to stop the apocalypse!" Sam protested.

"—because Lilith is the final seal. Your little whore is using you…she's _poisoning_ you Sam, so that Lucifer can rise. It's said that there will be a great battle, and if the angels think they have the upper hand then they will let it all happen because afterwards there is supposed to be paradise on Earth…which means that everything will be forgiven." Mae explained.

"She is right." Castiel said, appearing out of nowhere. "That is what is said…Lilith is the final seal?"

Mae nodded and Dean and Sam started to argue, Mae reaching out to take Castiel's hand, Castiel mentioning Farrah before popping them out into a warehouse. Mae hadn't actually been expecting the two of them to be looking for Farrah, but this was Castiel—he wasn't bringing her out here to have at her, no matter how much most of her wished he was. Castiel looked at her delicately and smiled a little and Mae found herself backing up against a wall, about to make a sound when Castiel's hand flew up to her mouth and he pressed his body against hers. At first she was going to attribute the action to some rare angel disease that was making him horny, but then she heard the scuffles—someone was here and he was just protecting her.

Castiel had to swallow, feeling her body move as she breathed against him, closing his eyes a little as she tried to make her perch against the wall more comfortable by shifting upwards, her body and her leg rubbing against him softly. Mae liked the sensation too, and smiled as the hand not covering her mouth slowly slipped down from her shoulder to her breast. His hand had brushed it before, but he suddenly felt a lust in him as she ran her leg against him again, deliberately rubbing against him with her hips to ease her own lustful sensations. Castiel turned his head to face her, their eyes meeting, sliding his hand off her mouth and welcoming her lips on his, wondering why she was sliding her hands down to his hips when footsteps could be heard.

"Farrah can wait." Mae breathed so softly Castiel almost couldn't make it out, resisting the urge to moan as she pulled his hips against hers hard and rubbed herself against him. "Take me back to my room in the house."

It took Castiel only a minute to decide what he was going to do, inadvertently helping himself to a rub against her as she brought his hips to hers again.


	12. Damnit, Dean!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**All right, so this chapter has been interesting to write.**

**There is some language, some smut, and a death.**

**ENJOY!!**

****

Castiel knew when he found his body humming, needing more touch from Mae, that Farrah could wait. He had once been told by Zachariah that it was his job to make Mae happy and comfortable and if her touch was making _him_ happy and comfortable, it had to be doing the same for her. He opened up his mouth for her as he had done before, popping them into her bedroom as she pushed her tongue in, smiling a little as he slowly began to fight for dominance. She knew he was trying to compare to the others she'd been with but she didn't want him to compete with them—she just wanted him to be himself…he was who she wanted.

"I…" Castiel began, but he trailed off as she started unbuttoning her button-up shirt.

He swallowed as he watched her breasts rise and fall with each breath she took, constricted by her black bra, and as he watched her shirt flutter to the ground, slipping off of her arms, he found her reaching for him. Castiel found her soft, wet lips touching his again, and let her slip off his coat and loosen his tie. What was he doing? He wanted her to keep removing articles of clothing as she tugged on the tie and it dropped to the floor, and he found himself grunting pleasantly as she started to unbutton his dress shirt, applying soft kisses to his torso all the way down after each button became unhitched. She smiled at him as she straightened up, slipping his shirt off of his arms.

"God, I want you." She whispered, placing her hands on his shoulders and running her thumbs along his arms.

"Well if you wanted God—" Castiel replied, half-teasing about her statement, she rolled her eyes and stopped him with a kiss, pressing her body to his and using her hands to push off his khakis after unfastening them.

Castiel mimicked her actions, pushing off her jeans, her underwear too, Mae helping him out of his boxers and accepting the grinding of him against her as he found himself needed to action. Mae laughed a little, taking small steps towards the bed, each step she took being mimicked by Castiel as he backed up until he couldn't anymore, sitting on the bed and pulling her down onto his lap. Strong as he was, Mae's legs were strong too, and she braced herself, not quite letting the contact happen. Castiel whimpered a little and rocked his hips up, Mae moving just out of his reach and shaking her head.

"Patience, Baby." Mae whispered, kissing him and again evading his upward rocking. "Patience."

Castiel found himself not wanting to be patient at all, and whimpered softly again as he found her hand grasping his length. He moaned softly into her mouth as she started to massage it with her hand, his body on fire. She smiled and stroked him gently, nibbling on his jaw line and he found himself wanting to mimic the action to make it as good for her as it was for him, but she was built differently. What was she doing with her fingers? Castiel wasn't quite sure what was happening as Mae ever so softly raked her fingers down to the tip of him, but he knew he wanted more.

"Mae…" Castiel breathed out as she raked her fingers again.

Mae kissed the hollow of his throat. "It's your first time…I'm trying to make it count. Besides…my out-of-Hell virginity is about to be taken away and I'm delaying that for just a moment."

Mae hadn't wanted to admit that she was a little afraid of the prick that was going to happen when they merged, but she was. It's not like she hadn't felt it before, but it was almost like they were losing their virginity to each other—and they pretty much were. The bonding that was going to happen between them freaked her out a little bit, and she moved once more as Castiel rocked his hips up. He wanted inside of her and she knew that and wanted him inside of her too, but she was starting to second-guess herself no matter how wet, no matter how willing.

"Let me…" Castiel whispered.

Mae bit her lip and nodded slowly because he'd commanded her so softly, but as she slid her hand up to his shoulder to brace herself for his entrance, they were interrupted. It wasn't a divine intervention like Mae had almost expected, it wasn't Dean calling for him like it had been last time—it was Dean himself. Mae and Castiel had effectively shut out the possibility of anyone else being in the house, and Mae certainly hadn't expected Dean to simply burst into her room. She was supposed to be gone with Castiel looking for Farrah, but Dean had assumed they'd really just left the room to let him argue with Sam—lucky him she was here when he needed her…unfortunately Castiel was stark nude and except for her bra, Mae was pretty much in the buff as well.

"Sam's gone—holy shit!" Dean exclaimed, clearly seeing the angel's erection and Mae's ready to receive it position. "Oh God."

Mae's hand automatically went down to Castiel's member and she pushed it down towards the bed as Dean turned himself away from the sight. The practically naked chick he could deal with—but he'd just seen more of Castiel than he'd ever wanted to. Mae found herself laughing just a little bit as she got off of Castiel, much to Castiel's displeasure. She grabbed her clothes as Dean muttered to himself, Castiel amazed that it took her less time to dress than it had taken to remove the clothes from her. He dressed too, aware that his khakis were bulging, and he tried desperately to think of something that wasn't her to make the erection go away—why did Dean have to come in and ruin it all? Castiel was finally going to experience some truly human emotions, and he had wanted to so badly.

"What do you mean, Sam is gone?" Mae asked Dean and then she sighed. "You can turn around."

"Not until Little Cas is put back where he belongs." Dean replied, shaking his head.

Mae laughed again. "Little Cas is covered, I swear."

Dean resisted the urge to make a dirty joke about her sentence, and turned slowly to face her and Castiel. He took a deep breath of relief at the fully clothed people in front of him, and then his eyes met Mae's and he took a deep breath. He'd pushed Sam too far while they were fighting and Sam had had enough. He believed Mae, he did, but he had needed to make sure that everything he had been told had been a lie. Dean had tried to stop him but to no avail, and now it was Mae's turn—she was the only one who could get through to him.

"Is he with Demon Skank?" Mae asked slowly, noting Dean's emotional attempt to try and come up with the right words, and when he nodded she sighed and headed out of the bedroom and to the front door. "I'm killing her for once and for all."

****

"Sam, can we please just talk about this craziness that you're spouting off?" Ruby asked Sam as he pointed a gun with colt bullets in it at her. "I don't understand how you could possibly believe her over me."

Sam cocked the gun. "If you even so much as mention those four months that Dean was dead I'm pulling the trigger right now, Ruby—I don't take kindly to people guilt-tripping me into things."

Ruby nodded and put her hands up in surrender. "Does it even occur to you that maybe _she's_ lying to you about what she knows? For all you know she's _working_ for Lilith. So what? The angels made her whole? How you know that wasn't Lilith's plan all along? How do you know that what was in Rae wasn't some elaborate battle plan that the angels didn't know about? You can trust me, Sammy…I haven't led you astray, now have I?"

Sam swallowed because he couldn't help but trust the demon in front of him. He hadn't been happy with himself for sleeping with the technically dead body, but he kept telling himself that it was Ruby and she was helping him. She had helped him to cope while Dean was dead, and she'd helped him to exercise his psychic powers to help people—how could she be doing all of that _and_ betraying him at the same time? Still…how could she possibly ask him not to trust Mae? Mae was the best friend that he'd never had, and she wanted what was best for him—Sam knew in his heart that Mae would never lie to him.

"I'm going to need something better than that." Sam said, raising the gun back up a little as Ruby took a couple steps towards him.

"Sammy…remember what it was like when we were together between the sheets? When you could feel my warm flesh against yours? When you could tell I wasn't lying to you? How can you believe that I'm lying? Feel me, now…feel my truth." Ruby pleaded, reaching out to touch him.

Sammy shuddered under her touch from a mixture of pleasure and disgust. Mae calling him a necrophiliac all this time had finally set in and he couldn't sex this dead body, Ruby in it or no. Even if her hand was slipping into his pants and touching him like he liked it…even if a moan was escaping him. God he forgot what it was like to have a woman touch him in need until Mae. Wait…why was he imagining Mae's fingers were wrapped around his length when Ruby's were? That tugging sensation! Then he realized it…Mae was the one he knew he could trust. He may have thought during the act that he could trust Ruby once before, but Mae was the one he knew actually cared about him.

"Mae…" Sam grunted happily, moving himself a little against Ruby's hand. "Mae…"

Ruby immediately stopped touching him, anger in her eyes as hers and Sam's eyes met. "I touch you to please you and you say _her_ name out loud?"

"Back up, Ruby." Sam told her, raising the gun he'd lowered when her hand had slipped into his pants. "I don't trust you anymore."

"It was always supposed to be you who killed her, Sammy." Ruby told him.

She was about to leave the body she was in when she realized that Sam understood that she meant to start to the apocalypse, and not to be with her. She was very aware that he was no longer under her control, and he shot her. Mae, Castiel and Dean showed up right as Ruby's host body started to convulse a little, and Mae smiled because she was really glad that Ruby was finally dead. Mae had wanted to see Ruby dead from the moment that she realized that Ruby was poisoning Sam for Lilith's sake, and now Lilith was going to have to rely on someone else killing her.

"I didn't think you had it in you." Mae told Sam, but flung her arms around him.

Sam smiled and hugged her back, blushing when she felt his erection and laughed. "Sorry about that, I uh—it was unintentional."

Mae waved it off. "It's fine, Sammy, don't apologize—you men can't control them."

"Well if women had them, they wouldn't be able to control them either." Sam told her, his cheeks red.

Mae laughed and nodded, stroking his hair and telling that she was proud that he was strong enough to kill Ruby, and then Castiel got a little antsy and Dean could tell. He knew that Castiel was a little jealous of Sam, and Dean really couldn't blame him. If Dean were Castiel, he'd certainly think that Sam was trying to have Mae all for himself, but Dean as Dean knew that it wasn't the case. He knew that even though Mae wouldn't admit it, she was falling hard for Castiel, and she wasn't going to let Sam come in between them. Still…it wouldn't hurt for her to be a little more observant of the way she acted towards Sam, even if just for Castiel's sake.

"Zachariah needs me." Castiel announced.

Mae turned to him and nodding, going up to him and taking his hands in hers, kissing them. "Will we be able to continue, later?"

Castiel nodded and kissed her in front of Sam and Dean. "Right when I get done talking with him."

Mae stood on the balls of her feet to kiss Castiel again, him enjoying it but needing to go. Right when he felt like he had to hold her close, he popped out without her and she sighed and laughed a little, rolling her eyes and turning to the boys. Dean winked at her and laughed as well, smirking they whole way towards the Impala, Sam raising his eyebrow. He actually had no idea what exactly that conversation had meant, but he had a feeling that Mae had finally gotten to Castiel. As far as Sam was concerned it was about time—even if lust was newer to an angel than love was.

"I'm crossing my fingers that you both get laid tonight." Dean told Mae as they took the Impala back to the safe house. "Maybe it'll make Cas less disgruntled."

Mae shrugged and smiled. "I kind of like him disgruntled…and horny Cas isn't bad either."

Dean shook his head. "Jimmy is seriously well endowed—and no that's not a gay comment, my eyes were forced to see him up and happy—I was simply making an observation."

"Wow—I missed a lot." Sam said.

"Happens when you run off to Demon Skank instead of sticking around to catch the naked angel ready for anything." Mae told Sam, but they all smiled at each other, and then parted to their own rooms after locking up and checking to make sure all of the seals and symbols were well drawn and still intact.


	13. And the Angel Falls First

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay so there's smut in this one, but it's the last smut for the next two chapters because we're going to delve into some angst here next.**

**=P**

**Horny Sam is capped off at the moment, Ding-Dong the Skank is dead, and Castiel wants to experience those human urges.**

**ENJOY!**

****

Mae heard what she thought was a flutter of wings that night, and she sat up a little to look at Castiel, smiling when she saw him standing there. Maybe it was just the moonlight, but Mae thought that Castiel was almost more beautiful and angelic standing there near her window. She got up and went over to him, but as she smiled and reached out to wrap her arms around his neck, he took a step back. He was completely stoic and Mae let her arms hang at her sides, trying to figure out just by looking at him what was making him not react to her. What Zachariah had needed to talk to him about must have been pretty bad for him to come back not wanting to continue what they started earlier.

"That look that you're not giving me…how bad is it?" Mae asked him.

Castiel looked her in the eye for the first time since he'd arrived. "Zachariah has a kind of death warrant out against you—he wants Dean to carry out the deed. However, there is one way that you can get out of it…Zachariah says that he will come to see you tomorrow for tonight he readies the angels."

Mae swallowed. "The angels want the apocalypse to happen…don't they?"

When Castiel nodded, Mae took a deep breath and she shook her head. She knew that after Ruby died, there would be someone else to take Ruby's place to try and help bring about Lilith's death, but Mae hadn't thought that the angels would be the ones to replace Ruby. How could the angels even _think_ about letting the apocalypse happen anyway? Weren't they supposed to love human beings unconditionally? Protect them? If the apocalypse happened there would be a huge loss of life…weren't the angels supposed to be around to stop that kind of bloodshed?

"I really do not appreciate this holy war of yours." Mae told Castiel, and ran her fingers through her hair. "Did Zachariah tell you exactly what getting me off the hook would entail?"

Castiel shook his head. "He has been…secretive as of late."

Mae nodded. "You know…I really did not ask to be brought back to life! As shitty as Hell was, I could have stayed there and paid for my sins and not been in the middle of this war! I mean I committed suicide! I stupidly thought that there was no one else in this world that would ever compare to Michael!"

Castiel swallowed as the words came out of her mouth—was she saying that she loved him? Because Castiel was becoming more and more certain that he loved her as more than a charge. He had been watching over her for longer than she had been aware, but had never actually interacted with her ever. She was apparently always part of the plan to break the seals—that is what Zachariah had told him anyway. Then being in her presence and dealing with her and wanting to sleep with her…Castiel found himself feeling human feelings and he really quite enjoyed the ones he had been experiencing—until right now.

"I can't believe that your stupid commander or whatever is actually thinking that there is any way that I will actually help to bring about the apocalypse! The _apocalypse_! How can you even help him?! How can you bring about such blood—" Mae ranted, but Castiel's lips collided with hers.

He hadn't meant to simply throw himself at her, but for some reason her love of mankind and her hatred of this war had made him want her. Mae returned the kiss even though she was incredibly upset, and she knew she shouldn't be upset with Castiel—Zachariah was the one that wanted to replace Ruby to bring about the end. Mae didn't even have to slip Castiel's jacket off—he did it himself and started unbuttoning his buttons. Something had come alive inside of him and Mae didn't mind in the slightest as she loosened his tie and slipped off the straps of her nightgown, it fluttering to the floor as Castiel pushed his khakis and boxers off.

Mae backed up towards the bed, Castiel using one hand to stroke her hair and the other to cup her face, following her every move. As long as there were no more interruptions, Castiel was finally going to feel his first true feelings of pleasure fulfilled lust. Mae lay on the bed, Castiel climbing on top of her and allowing her to pull the covers up over them as the breeze came in through the window. Castiel settled himself between Mae's spread legs, closing his eyes and moaning softly as Mae began to move herself up against him. He ran his hands down her arms and then took her hands, pressing her hands to the pillows above her head, their fingers interlacing automatically.

"No more waiting." Castiel told her, his face stone except for the lust that filled his eyes.

Mae smiled at him and brought her hips up against his hard member and nodded. "No more waiting, I promise."

Castiel kissed her passionately, bringing his hips down hard as Mae moved hers up, letting out a soft cry and then biting her lip as the penetration happened. Castiel was going to stop what he was doing when he saw the mixture of lust and pain in her eyes, but she knew what it was like to lose her virginity, and she simply moved her hips up against him, feeling his flesh move a little inside of hers, trying to ease the heated pain she was feeling. Castiel couldn't control the urge any longer so he found himself moving his hips against hers as their lips moved against one another's, moaning as she upwards rocking became a little quickened, and she slowly pushed her tongue into his mouth.

Castiel found himself fighting for dominance a little, determined to get as much pleasure out of this as she was, finding himself rewarded by her moans and pants. Soon, he found her pulling her lips away as she arched her back, her body shuddering pleasantly against him as he felt an added heat and wetness between them and he smiled when she whispered, 'Cas' and explained that he'd just officially elicited his first orgasm from a woman underneath him. Then she ran her nose against his and whispered that it was his turn to feel one, and Castiel found himself feeling as if he couldn't ease this pleasure that was painfully building.

"Perfect." Mae breathed, kissing him passionately and flexing her fingers as he ran his hands back down her arms, down her sides and to her hips, pleased she was moving them against his at the same quick pace. "You're just…perfect."

Castiel smiled a little more, finding himself pressing his forehead to the nape of her neck and letting out a soft cry himself as he found himself releasing inside of her, which made her let out a soft moan herself at the sensation she hadn't felt in what felt like decades. Mae ran her fingers through Castiel's hair as she kissed the top of his head, the rocking against each other dying down, Castiel withdrawing and feeling satisfied that Mae had another moan left in her. He rested his body against hers, and applied kisses to her neck, knowing that only one thing could make this moment more perfect than it already was.

"Mae?" He asked her softly.

Mae smiled. "Yes, Cas?"

He ran his fingers along her sides. "I love you."

****

Mae could not get over how alike her situation with Michael the whole thing had been. The first time she and Michael had given themselves to each other, Michael had told her that he loved her right then the act had finished and she had replied that she had loved him too. Then from that point on things seemed perfect until they eventually unraveled—in fact Mae firmly believed that every time she said the words 'I love you' something bad seemed to happen. She understood the confusion of feelings running through him in that moment, and though Dean would joke about it being a girl thing to do—getting attached because of losing their virginity to a person they liked—Mae was certain that Castiel would realize what he had said and then take it all back…maybe he already had.

After saying it, Mae had taken his shoulders and he'd moved his body up a little, welcoming her kiss. They'd kissed for just a little while longer and then they'd turned on their sides, Castiel's chest to her back, and he'd held her until they had fallen asleep. Then, Mae had woken up alone, gotten dressed and come down the stairs to get herself comes coffee. Dean had known without a doubt that she'd lost her virginity, and Sam had had to make Dean stop making fun and whistling. Now Mae was patiently waiting for Zachariah to show, and hoped that Castiel would not be punished for her sin that had been bedding her the night before.

"Zachariah, you really need to show." Mae said bitterly, Dean and Sam having just headed out into town to check out a hunt from the resources at the local library.

"I believe you know what your new job is." Zachariah told her, appearing out of nowhere.

Mae turned to him. "I am not doing it."

Zachariah laughed at her and she found herself glaring at him because she did not appreciate the disdain in it. Zachariah thought that he was better than she was, and though he was an angel, Mae strongly did not feel like he should be. She knew that angels were far from some beautiful being with white, fluffy wings—but she expected them to have some sort of compassion. Castiel was different than Zachariah—he was better than Zachariah—and that was part of why she'd fallen for him. Castiel wasn't like the other two men in her life…he was the kind of man that knew the difference between what was right and what was wrong but feared God—and he wasn't even a man…he was an angel.

"You put too much faith in your angel." Zachariah told her. "He will do as I tell him to do and so will you—or he will fall."

Mae was going to open her mouth and say some witty remark about how she was never going to listen to him because she was not his to order—but she couldn't let Castiel fall. Even if she couldn't voice to him the same feelings that he was voicing to her, she could not let him lose everything simply because she refused to listen. Maybe there was a loophole—maybe she could stop this entire ordeal. God she didn't want to do what Zachariah was forcing her to do, and she knew that since Dean still had no idea about the demon blood drinking, she'd have to lie to him about it too, and she hated doing that.

"Does Castiel know what Lilith did to me?" Mae asked Zachariah.

Zachariah shook his head. "He does not know at all."

Mae bit her lip. "Get out—I'll do it."

Zachariah smiled and nodded, popping out and leaving Mae to contemplate what was next for her, looking up as Dean and Sam came in a few hours later and hurrying to Sam. She dragged him off into her bedroom, leaving Dean to raise an eyebrow and joke about horny women. Sam could tell that Mae was having a really hard time trying to make the words come out that she needed to come out, and he nodded at her and stroked her hair. Mae really appreciated the gesture, and she locked her bedroom door and then grabbed a letter opener from her dresser and bit her lip again.

"The angels are letting the seals get broken because they think they can defeat Lucifer and the demons and bring paradise to Earth." Mae told Sam hurriedly.

Sam's eyes went wide. "What?! How could they possibly condone that kind of bloodshed?!"

Mae shook her head and shrugged. "I have no idea, Sammy, but I do know that what I'm about to tell you has to be kept strictly between the two of us, all right? I hate that I have to ask this of you—that I have to do this to you—but we have to kill Lilith."

"Fuck no!" Sam exclaimed.

Mae rolled her eyes as Sam took a step back because she knew that he thought that she'd decided to help the angels bring about the apocalypse just because she'd slept with Castiel. Mae shook her head to let Sam know that she was just as opposed to the seal breaking idea as he was, and he nodded to let her know that he understood that she had a plan. What her plan was? That was going to drive _both_ her and Sam to a breaking point of a completely emotional kind. Neither of them were going to like this, but Mae knew that it was the only way it could be done, and she hoped that with helping to stop the breaking of seals, she and Sam had enough time to carry out her plan…not the angels' plan.

"When Lilith possessed me and the other demon was in Rae, they were sort of cannibalistic and Farrah helped with rituals to make it so that Rae and I had partially demonic blood. It's not entirely demonic so this is going to be a little harder for us, but if I can make you strong enough to kill Lilith before the right amount of seals are broken…it's over." Mae explained. "You just…you can't get strong enough without demon blood."

Sam swallowed. "Mae…"

Mae nodded. "I know, I know—I hate it too. Zachariah says that Dean has to kill me and it was because of the knowledge that I knew that he didn't want me to leak out even though he said the contrary. The only way he lets me live is if I help him to break the seals by becoming your replacement Ruby. What he didn't count on was that I have a plan to stop their plan. If you don't drink from me, then they'll just direct us towards another demon like Ruby who will convince you to do it."

Sam sighed and watched as Mae used the letter opener to slice into her arm. She really hated this, and she hated that Sam's eyes were betraying his blood lust. How could she possibly be poisoning her best friend right now intentionally? Who cared about the world, right? What about Sammy? But no…she and Sam were both very firm in their beliefs that the whole was more important than the individual and so Mae simply closed her eyes as Sam began to drink from her arm, both of them sitting on the bed and hoping that they knew what they were doing…


	14. Stop With the Secrets!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I hope that you have all enjoyed the Castiel love.**

**Here is an angsty chapter with some yelling and language.**

**HaHa.**

****

"I miss him." Mae told Sam with a sigh.

Mae and Sam had taken to their blood sessions in Sam's room where he could draw symbols to protect them from the angels. It had been two weeks now—Castiel apparently out of 'calling' range—and while she and Sam were in his bedroom…Castiel couldn't sense her or see her and she knew it. Mae had found herself finding her nights spent with Sam latched onto her arm, and then they'd end up falling asleep together under the covers in his bed. Dean had taken to teasing them about sleeping together again, but when he noted the love in Mae's eyes when she protested that she'd never do that to Castiel—even though she wasn't technically dating him—Dean backed off on it a little.

Now, Mae and Sam were lying under the covers on their backs in his bed, and Mae wished desperately that Castiel was lying next to her. Where was he? Why wasn't he in contact with her or Dean anymore? She knew that it had something to do with Zachariah, and the thought made her cringe and seethe with anger. She was beginning to _despise_ Zachariah. She didn't give a flying fuck in space that he was an angel—anyone that was willing to watch the human race get mostly destroyed for the sake of a 'holy war' was not on her list of people to befriend…not at all.

Sam nodded. "Because you love him."

Mae rolled her eyes. "I do not love him."

Sam looked at her as she turned over on her side, her back to him. "Yes you do—and the faster you admit it to yourself, the happier and more at peace you're going to feel. I don't care about your failed relationships…Cas isn't like them—he actually loves you."

"He said he loved me after experiencing his first orgasm—cut the guy some slack, he didn't mean it." Mae replied.

"I think you know he meant it and that's why it has you running scared." Sam told her.

"Go to sleep, Sammy." Mae responded.

Sam started to try and get her to admit it once again, but when she told him to go to sleep three more times, he shut his mouth and nodded, turning so his back was to hers as well. She sighed loudly when she realized she really needed the comfort, and she snuggled her back up against his just so that the warmth would comfort her. Under the covers, Sam reached out his hand and rested it on her stomach, pulling her body close to his without actually spooning her. He knew that she didn't feel comfortable spooning with him anymore now that she'd slept with Castiel, which she had made very clear to him the first time she's spent the night in his room with him, and he respected that. He also knew somehow that up in heaven, Castiel was finding himself jealous when he couldn't sense her.

"You're supposed to be checking in on Mae." Zachariah told him, standing next to him as Castiel sat on a park bench.

Castiel shook his head. "I do not wish to interrupt her."

Zachariah nodded. "You feel foolish to have gotten yourself so attached to her and now you see where she truly wants to be, don't you? All the more reason to go in and be completely dutiful, eh?"

Castiel swallowed, trying not to betray the hurt. "I committed no actual sin—a technical sin, yes. I am allowed to love."

"You are currently in a vessel…but he gave his consent and while you are in him the body is yours so you are not bound to uphold is vows to his wife." Zachariah agreed. "But it is still frowned upon, Castiel."

Castiel knew that it was frowned upon but he hadn't cared—not until he'd seen Mae disappear into Sam's room and not return from it until the next morning. They had cut themselves off from the angels in there, and every night for two weeks she would go in before the sun set, and exit it after the sun had risen to welcome another day. Castiel did not understand why Mae and Sam would find the need to hide themselves from the angels—step off their radar—unless Castiel had truly embarrassed himself by confessing how he felt. Zachariah knew that Mae simply did not want Castiel to know what Lilith had tried to turn her into, but he did not tell Castiel this.

Zachariah actually had a fairly good idea as to why Sam and Mae were hiding what they were doing—it was more because he was certain that Mae was trying to defy him. He knew that Castiel thinking badly of her was the last thing that she would want, but he knew she was stubborn and strong-willed, and she didn't like the plan to let the apocalypse happen. Zachariah needed the last seal to be broken, but he wanted to send Castiel down as the wounded puppy so that Mae would open up to him…then Zachariah would simply order Castiel to tell him of her plan. Then, once Mae was labeled as a threat, her death sentence would be reestablished, and Zachariah would have the pleasure of watching how her death would hurl Castiel back into the fold.

"I will go to them." Castiel said firmly.

Zachariah smiled. "Good…get going."

Castiel popped into the safe house, making Dean jump with a start but smile at him. He hurried into Sam's bedroom since he knew that Mae and Sam would be fully clothed, and Sam was the first to sit up. Mae turned her head to look at him and Castiel found himself wondering how this was going to go—they'd been away from each other for two weeks and he still felt love for her…it was a rather easy emotion for an angel to express when they were attached…and the only emotion he was truly _allowed_ to show. It was going to be hard to be stoic and act professionally with her standing there in front of him, but Castiel was sure that he could do it.

"Cas is here." Dean said excitedly.

Mae was up out of the bed quickly, hurrying out of the room and beaming when she saw Castiel. She wouldn't admit to herself that she was feeling love, but she knew that she desperately needed to touch him. Castiel swallowed when she made her way to him, jumping on him, automatically wrapping her legs around his waist as her arms went around his neck. She found herself desperately applying kisses to his cheek, jaw line, chin and then as her lips found his and she kissed him in successive kisses, his body relaxed and his arms found their way around her, his lips responding to her touch. How could he stay so mad at her when she obviously missed him so badly?

"Where were you?" Mae asked him breathlessly, just wanting to kiss him.

"Zachariah sent me to check on you." Castiel replied.

Mae's entire body tensed at the mention of Zachariah's name and she let go of Castiel, him holding onto her arms as he let her feet fall to the floor. Once she was standing on her own Castiel noticed the bite marks on her arm and Mae pulled her arm way and tugged the sleeve down. The pain in his eyes was almost too much to bear as he realized what was going on—she was Ruby's replacement for Sam. She was currently following Zachariah's orders and letting Sam feed from her…which meant that she was demonic. Castiel, an angel of the Lord, had fornicated with a demonic woman—whether she was truly a demon or not. Shame entered into the picture and Mae bit her lip, trying hard not to cry as Dean asked what was going on.

"Sam will explain it to you…I need to talk to Cas." Mae said sadly.

****

Mae sat down on her bed in her room as Castiel paced a little bit. She'd actually never seen him pace before, but his face seemed to keep the same emotion plastered onto it, so it wasn't _too_ weird. She wasn't sure what to say or how to say it, so she just kept her mouth shut and waited for him to ask her all of the questions that were undoubtedly going through his head right then. Mae had never wanted this to happen, but if it meant saving the world and saving Castiel from becoming a fallen angel, then it was worth it. Castiel turned to look at her and had a hard time focusing when she leaned back on her hands and cocked her head to one side just sitting on the mattress but he swallowed and opened his mouth to speak.

"You are letting Sam feed off of you?" Castiel asked her.

"Zachariah told me to." Mae replied.

Castiel nodded. "What about all of your righteous comments about humanity and blood shed? Now suddenly you're just dropping all of it because Zachariah _told_ you to do something?"

Mae raised an eyebrow and sat forward a little, Castiel eyeing her chest as she did so. "_You_ take orders from him all the time without thinking through the consequences, Cas. So don't you dare start to turn this into something that it isn't—you don't even know what it is that Sam and I are doing."

"Isn't that the point?" Castiel asked her, starting to raise his voice and wishing that he wasn't. "You and Sam _deliberately_ keeping the angels from seeing what you are doing? Hiding out like demons? You are no better than Ruby—does Dean even know yet?"

Mae bit her lip to try and mask the hurt she was feeling right then—no better than _Ruby_?! The words stung her more than she actually thought that they would, and she stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. Castiel immediately wished that he hadn't said it, but he wasn't about to take it back—not now. This was a conversation that they needed to have whether it was going to end well or not, and if it meant that the two of them were going to no longer be able to stand the sight of each other than so be it—he was not at all going to condone what she was doing whether Zachariah had told her to do it or not.

"Sam and I are keeping it from Zachariah because he's a fucking prick." Mae told Castiel bluntly though the words were soft. "I am not trying to let Lucifer rise…Sam is just the only one who will be able to become strong enough to kill Lilith before she breaks her 66 seals. So yeah, I _am_ letting Sam feed off of me after what Lilith did to Rae and me! But I'm doing it to _save_ the human race—_not_ condemn it! What exactly are _you_ doing right now, Castiel? Letting it all happen?!"

"I am doing what I am told to do." Castiel tried.

"AND BY DOING THAT YOU'RE JUST LETTING THE APOCALYPSE HAPPEN!" Mae screamed. "Which of us is being more proactive here?! Honestly!"

Castiel's eyes blazed into hers. "You have no idea what it is like to be an angel and seeing as how you will never know—"

"—why? Because I'm a sinner? Cas…I did not bring you in here to argue with you over righteous nonsense! But you know what? Thank you for throwing my sinning in my face! Thank you very much! You _are_ just like the others! _Exactly_ like them!" Mae exclaimed, not able to hold back the tears that were now coming. "If this is the way you're going to treat me then the bets are all off—fall! I'm not saving you from falling anymore, Castiel…I'd rather you just kill me now and get it over with!"

Mae knew that she was starting to get irrational now and that death was the coward's way out of this, but she'd chosen that path before. She didn't know how the fight had gotten so out of control, and she backed up when Castiel began to take steps towards her, but found herself falling backwards onto the bed. She tried to get up desperately but Castiel was quicker than she was and pinned her to the bed. She shook her head as he looked into her deep brown eyes with his electric blue ones and she found herself practically melting into him. He was sorry and yet not sorry, and she was feeling the exact same way about the things that she had said too.

"You're doing this for me?" Castiel asked her, reaching out his hand to heal the bite marks that Sam had left on her arm.

"Not _just_ you…" Mae replied, but trailed off and then nodded.

Castiel sighed and closed his eyes as he shook his head. "I do not know how we are going to survive this war, Mae."

Mae was going to try and say something back but he kissed her and she let him. As angry as they were, they knew that their hurt could only be soothed by the other, no matter how much they knew they shouldn't admit it to themselves. Castiel started to run his fingers through her hair as her wet eyelashes tickled his face, and she slipped her fingers up into his hair as well, allowing him to slip his tongue in and explore her mouth. She found herself feeling even closer to him when she realized that though a little horny, neither of them were at all trying to cop a feel or copulate right then and there. Castiel felt it too and pulled away, running his nose along hers as she looked him in the eye and smiled a sad smile.

"I love you." Castiel told her, stroking her hair.

Mae's body went rigid and she shook her head. "Don't say that."

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "Why not? That is how I feel."

Mae pushed him off of her and sat up, willing her legs to cooperate with her. She stood up and realized that now she was the one pacing while he watched her from his sitting perch on the end of her bed. Mae didn't know why she needed him to go back to lust, but she just didn't feel comfortable in this realm with him at the moment. It wasn't that she didn't feel like she loved him because truth be told she kind of did—but that thought scared her and she kept having to push it away. Castiel kept looking at her with his bright eyes too and Mae sighed and bit her lip.

"Because Cas…I can't say it back." Mae responded, sadness in her eyes.


	15. Mortal Wounds Make You Realize Love

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**MORE CASTIEL!!**

**Okay, so this chapter is pretty angsty, and you get to see a new side of a character and a rift will happen as well as a betrayal.**

**There is a cliffhanger at the end of this chapter.**

**ENJOY!!**

****

"Dean, come on…say something." Sam pleaded with his brother as they sat in silence.

Dean shook his head—he didn't have anything to say.

Sam sighed. "Please, Dean? I know you're upset but just talk to me."

Dean ran his hand down his face as he tried to take it all in: Sam was drinking demons blood to get stronger and Mae was feeding it to him? How could the two of them possibly expect him to deal with this kind of news? Mae was deliberately poisoning Sam and though he had once grown to trust her, Dean was now feeling like he couldn't—feeling like maybe Mae was completely and utterly under demon control. What if what Lilith had done to Mae and Rae wasn't just the tampering with her blood? What if now that Mae was whole, she was simply Ruby's replacement to help to get Sam to kill Lilith to break the final seal and raise up Lucifer?

"How do you know that Mae is for real?" Dean found himself asking his brother.

Sam gave Dean a look. "Because I trust her—I trust more than I ever even _thought_ about trusting Ruby ever. Mae isn't evil Dean—she genuinely wants to stop Lilith _without_ letting Lucifer rise. Don't you understand that?"

Dean sighed. "What I understand is that you two went and hid all of this from me and I have no idea what to think anymore. How is it that you can trust her when she's poisoning you?! She's _poisoning_ you, Sammy!"

"She doesn't have any other choice!" Sam yelled.

Dean closed his eyes and desperately tried not to let Sam raising his voice get to him. Dean had just finally accepted Mae as part of his family and he wanted to believe her too but Sam was his brother—Sam was the boy that Dean had been protecting since the fire that took their mother from them. He couldn't deal with the thought that perhaps Mae was going to completely betray them, and he didn't want his brother to turn into a monster. Did Castiel even know what he was getting himself into?

Castiel stroked Mae's hair as he kissed her softly, aware of what he was doing—he knew that Mae loved him but she just felt too scared to say it. At first Castiel felt that she didn't trust him enough to say it, but when she explained that everything broke when she said it and knew it sounded ridiculous but she believed she was bad luck, Castiel let it go. Mae knew from the look in his eyes that he understand, but she felt really bad about it when he had told her he loved her again and she couldn't form the words. The only way she could show that she loved him right now was through kissing and sex, and she felt cheap returning his love like that without verbal proof.

"We could try again." Mae breathed when their lips pulled apart so they could catch their breaths.

Castiel was currently underneath her on her bed, his coat and tie on the floor, but all of their clothes still on. Mae felt a little bad about simply offering him sex, but she was beginning to be aware that she loved him, and if she said it out loud something bad would happen. He'd either die, leave her, or fall out of love with her and she didn't think she could go through that kind of pain yet again. She'd already been through it once…and she was starting to hate herself for having an inner distrust of his love. Mae knew that she had absolutely no reason _not_ to rust him, but she too knew what new, first love was like and Castiel was an angel—eventually duty would come before love.

"Is that what _you_ want?" Castiel asked her, stroking her cheek.

Mae was about to say something when Sam came into the room and put his hand up in front of his face. He could tell that Castiel was fully clothed, but he also knew that Mae joked about her sexual prowess and wouldn't have put it past her to jump him again. She actually _was_ trying to do that right then, but strangely found herself welcoming the interruption. It would give her more time to assess the growing feelings of love she had for the angel she was straddling, and she needed to talk to Zachariah.

"Dean ran off to talk to Anna." Sam said.

Mae looked at Castiel. "To Anna? Who exactly is this Anna?"

Castiel swallowed. "She's a fallen angel…and I trust her."

Mae nodded and got off of Castiel when she saw the slight glint of a lie in his eyes. She had no doubt that this Anna was _exactly_ who Castiel said she was, but he was still hiding something. The jealous feelings were making Mae feel the need to push Castiel away a little because she knew that he'd inevitably leave her, and at that moment Dean found himself face to face with the red head he'd once slept with in the backseat of his car. He'd quickly come to realize that Anna actually wasn't in love with him, or even completely attached to him—she'd simply wanted some sex before her judgment was passed on her by the angels. What he didn't know…was that she was in fact in love with Castiel and very upset that Castiel was showing feelings for a human girl who Anna did not believe deserved him.

"Sam is drinking her blood?!" Anna asked in a disgusted voice. "And Castiel is just _letting_ it happen?!"

Dean took a deep breath. "Castiel says that the angels _want_ the apocalypse to happen and Sam says Mae wants him to kill Lilith but _not_ raise up Lucifer. I don't know what to believe and you're the only angel around here besides Castiel that I even trust, and Castiel is…he's in love."

Anna nodded. "If you want to kill Lilith, you can't simply use Colt rounds—she's too good for that. She is the first, and she can only be killed by a psychic…or by this weapon that can kill angels. I know where I can get it for you."

"Why would I want a weapon that can kill angels?" Dean asked her.

Anna smiled and took Dean's hand. "Just trust me, Dean."

****

Castiel found himself getting ready to leave Sam and Mae alone even though he really didn't want to, and though Sam assured Castiel that he would look after her, Castiel couldn't help but wonder how. It wasn't how he would be able to protect her—but Castiel was worried about what would happen between Mae and Sam if left alone too long. What if Mae decided that she was simply using Castiel and went and slept with Sam instead? Castiel was certain that Mae loved him, but the last two weeks had made Castiel a little weary of the notion of Sam and Mae being alone together. It wasn't even the drinking blood that bothered him even though that bothered him a great deal—he really didn't want Sam to touch Mae in any way that Castiel wanted to touch her.

"I promise there will be no blood drinking tonight." Mae told Castiel, holding onto his coat and looking up at him as Castiel looked at Sam.

Sam shifted uncomfortably under Castiel's gaze. "We'll stay out of trouble while you see what Anna has to say to Dean."

Mae nodded and then tugged on his tie. "Hey…are you going to just stand there and send Sam little eye threats about touching your girl, or are you going to kiss me before you go?"

Castiel looked Mae in the eye and then kissed her softly. "I will be back soon."

Mae nodded and then watched as he disappeared and turned to Sam. She took a deep breath and Sam ran his fingers through his hair awkwardly, neither of them sure of what to say to the other. Sam could see the love and fear in Mae's eyes whenever she looked at and thought about Castiel, and though Sam wanted to comfort her, he knew that Castiel thought there was more going on between him and Mae than there really was. Mae motioned her head for the door to Sam's room and Sam shook his head—she'd just promised Castiel and they couldn't very well completely lie to him. Besides…he wasn't feeling too antsy about blood right that second, so he didn't really feel the need to drink any no matter what.

"Can you just tell him that you love him already?" Sam asked her.

Mae shook her head. "No…everything I love dies or leaves Sammy. I know it sounds childish, and like a ridiculous superstition, but I just…I can't shake the feeling that once I say it he'll leave. He's an angel, Sam…I can't keep him attached to me when he has a much more important job to get back to. As soon as he realizes that he'll be gone."

Sam smiled at her. "You're completely spitting in Love's face, Mae. Castiel may be an angel but love? If he loves you he'll make it all work, Mae. He's not like Michael—he actually _does_ love you."

Mae just nodded slowly as she bit her lip and Castiel looked at Anna as she handed the spear-like weapon over to Dean. Castiel raised an eyebrow and then he looked at Anna and she swallowed and looked back at him. Anna knew that Castiel was questioning her true allegiance right then and he should have been. Anna did not want Mae and Castiel to be together when she loved him so completely. She did not understand why Castiel had to start to show emotions and then show them to Mae. Why couldn't he have showed his emotions for her? Did their past mean that little to him?

"What is going on here?" Castiel asked Dean.

Dean looked at him. "Anna has given me a weapon she says will kill Lilith."

Castiel nodded. "Lilith is not a fallen angel, Dean—she is the first demon. It is not possible to kill her with that."

"That is not entirely true, Castiel." Anna replied.

Castiel looked at her after looking at the weapon that Uriel had once used to kill some of their brother and sister angels once before and waited for Anna's answer. Castiel knew _exactly_ what the weapon was capable of, and killing Lilith was _not_ one of those functions. Anna took a step towards him and Castiel tried to figure out what it was that she was going to say when Dean stepped in and started to tell Castiel that he didn't trust Mae. Castiel looked at Dean as Dean regretted saying it out loud in front of Castiel and Anna, but he wasn't about to take it back—Dean was stubborn like that and Castiel knew that all too well.

"I trust her." Castiel told Dean.

Dean nodded. "Yes…but you're in love with her. You will believe anything she has to say and Sam? Sam is blinded because she's his best friend and his blood source. She has to go…Zachariah was right."

Castiel felt his heart breaking. "Zachariah wants Lucifer to rise—do you not think that it is possible that he wants her dead because she could help to stop the Apocalypse? Even though I do not condone the blood drinking, I do not believe that Mae would let Lucifer out of Hell. You know what Hell was like, Dean…and so does she."

Dean found himself second-guessing all of it all over again. He knew that the guilt he felt of not trusting Mae meant that he did trust her, and he started to lower the weapon as Anna watched what was happening. Dean was starting to realize that he was going to have to trust himself to tell him who was and wasn't telling him the truth, and he was no longer going to try and stop Mae. In that moment of Dean nodding and embracing the sisterly love he had for Mae, Anna took the weapon and shoved it into Castiel's abdomen. She let out a gasp as she did it, wishing she could take it back—wishing she hadn't just let her jealousy and anger get the best of her.

"I'm so sorry." She said as the tears began to slide down her cheeks.

Castiel used his strength to pop back into the house, Mae letting out a cry and hurrying to his side as he slumped down onto the floor on his knees. Dean had already pulled the weapon out and Anna was backing up and sobbing, Sam trying to check Castiel over as Mae desperately called out for Zachariah. When Zachariah appeared Castiel found everything to suddenly feel like it was going in slow motion, fading almost, and smiled at Mae as Zachariah told her to let him go so that he could take care of it. Mae gave Anna up to Zachariah, and Anna was more than willing to go with him, all of the angels disappearing…Sam wrapping Mae up in his arms.

"I love him." Mae whispered into Sam, Sam nodding and kissing the top of her head as she sobbed into him.

"I know." Sam replied.


	16. Angels Suck at Communication

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Why would Anna stab Castiel?**

**Mae has one more person to tell she loves Cas…like maybe Cas.**

**But is Cas even going to survive this?**

**Will Zachariah ACTUALLY help him out?**

**Read on my lovelies…read on.**

**WARNING: Dark themes in this chapter.**

****

Anna hadn't meant to stab Castiel with the weapon—she really hadn't. She had been in love with Castiel for a very long time, and the thought that he could possibly love someone that wasn't her had started to eat away at her. Castiel had been so very important to her and in a very human fit of emotions she'd just ruined every chance she could have ever had with him—even as a friend. The tears hadn't stopped coming since she was brought back with Zachariah to try and save Castiel—she hoped to God that Castiel would be spared. Even if it meant being taken in his place, Anna was willing to do just that—anything to save Castiel…anything.

"Anna?" Castiel asked.

Anna held back a sniffle as she heard his weak voice. "Cas, I'm so sorry. I wish that I could take it all back, I do."

Castiel smiled a little. "I forgive you, Anna. I know that you did not intend to actually kill me."

"Will you two shut up please so that I can concentrate on fixing this?" Zachariah asked irritably.

Anna nodded and held onto Castiel's hand, pleased that he was squeezing her hand back to try and reassure her. Mae was not as reassured—in fact Mae had become quite aware over the next two weeks that she was never going to _be_ reassured. She, Sam and Dean had been effectively completely cut off from all angelic contact, and so Mae had assumed that Castiel had died and the angels were furious. So, she had decided to focus on hunting down Farrah and was a little sleep deprived, even though Sam and Dean had both tried to get her to sleep. Dean was just as intent on finding Farrah and in turn being led to Lilith, but he was worried about Mae's worsening condition.

"You need to get some sleep, Mae." Sam told her, taking away her coffee cup.

"Who gives you the demonic fuel you need to kill Lilith?" Mae snapped at him.

Sam frowned. "I really couldn't care less about _that_ kind of guilt trip."

"Give me the fucking cup of coffee, Sam." Mae ordered.

Sam simply shook his head and blocked her way—he had an advantage being so tall and strong. Dean watched them for the doorway as Sam wrapped his arms around her and she struggled against him. Sam just held her there until she gave in and started to cry, holding onto Sam who stroked her hair. Dean sighed loudly because he hated chick flick moments, but he went and hugged her too, making her laugh a little. She wasn't really one for sappy moments either, but this she would allow for now—mourning Castiel took a little too much out of her when she was doing it all alone.

"There's some good news to all of this." Mae said, pulling out of Sam and Dean's arms.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? How do you figure?"

Mae shrugged. "My love is so cursed it means I don't even have to say it for it to hurt the people I love. The good side? Means I can be more like you, Dean—no attachments. Sex, sex, sex and no love."

"Your love is not cursed, Mae." Sam said with a sigh, elbowing Dean in the ribs when Dean told Mae that his way of life was much more fun anyway. "Dean…get out."

Dean sent Sam a look because he didn't like being ordered to do things, and then he took Mae by the hand and dragged her into his bedroom. Mae sighed and started to complain about how she wasn't in the state at the moment to have Sam drink her blood, when Sam kissed her. Mae wasn't quite sure what he was doing, but she kissed him back and started to help him out of his belt. She was upset and Sam thought that by throwing himself at her he'd get her to realize that she didn't want anyone but Castiel, but Mae seemed to want sex to make herself feel better. Sam didn't want to take advantage of her so he pulled away and Mae just nodded and sighed.

"I don't want to sleep with you." Mae told him.

Sam nodded. "I know…you are kind of like Dean though—pity sex? Really?"

Mae laughed a little. "If it makes you feel any better we would never have made it to sex—even if I pretended you were him."

Sam pointed to his bed. "Take a nap—in fact sleep for three days, okay? If anything important comes up then Dean or I will let you know, all right?"

Mae felt disgusted with herself when Sam left—pity sex? Really? She hadn't had pity sex since the night before she killed herself…the night she realized that no one would ever be Michael. Mae couldn't believe that she had once felt so broken that she had to take her own life—there were better men than Michael. In fact the only man she'd ever actually felt like she didn't deserve was Castiel. Part of it she knew was because he was an angel and she did in fact _not_ deserve him, but the other part was that he would never actually condone her sins—he's push her to ask for forgiveness. Mae had always just accepted her sins…she'd never even thought that God would forgive her for them…especially when she decided to kill herself.

"I just want to go back to Hell." Mae muttered to herself as she snuggled under the covers in Sam's bed, thinking about her night of realizations so many years before…

_David pulled himself out of Mae and rolled off, smiling as he looked up at the ceiling—that had been one amazing ride for him. Mae actually hadn't thought it had been too shabby either…but he wasn't Michael. Just thinking about Michael first thing after another man had pulled out and rolled off made her feel sick to her stomach. She got up and started gathering her clothes and putting them on, trying not to cry as she hurried to leave. David propped himself up on his arm and looked at her, trying to figure her out—she no longer looked to him like the fun loving girl at the bar…she was now incredibly sad and he wanted to fix her._

"_What's wrong, Mae? Was it something I did?" He asked her._

_Mae smiled at him. "What? No! The sex was fantastic David, really, it's just…I'm rebounding and I feel really bad for using you."_

_David shrugged. "I knew you were rebounding—we both needed to get laid and it happened. Don't feel bad on my account."_

_Mae nodded. "It really was fantastic…goodbye, David. You deserve a great girl."_

_Mae headed out of David's bedroom before he could tell her that he thought she was a great girl, and he sighed as he flopped down on his bed and looked at the ceiling again. Mae hurried out to her car and drove back to her house, grabbing some rope out of the garage and then heading up to the attack. As she got there she realized that she didn't want to hang herself—it was much too quick of a death. Once her neck snapped she wouldn't even be able to reflect on how much pain she'd caused Michael's wife. Then again cutting her wrists was much too painful, and drowning was scary…_

Mae tried to shake the thoughts away…she hadn't thought about her death since Dean had sliced into her in Hell.

****

"She needs to eat, Dean. We can't just drag her out of bed and then toss her into the car and take her on a hunt." Sam told him.

Dean sighed. "She can eat on the way, Sam. All of these signs point to Farrah and since Mae's been hunting the witch bitch down for the last two weeks, she deserves to know."

Sam nodded. "I know she deserves to know, Dean—she deserves to take her out for everything that she's caused her. But in her condition right now, Dean? I'm really worried about her. She almost took me up on my offer for pity sex."

Dean laughed. "If I was Cas, I would really not like you."

Sam nodded and then instead of smiling a little at Dean he found himself frowning—they really had no idea if Castiel was alive or not. All that they knew was that Anna had mortally wounded him, and Mae was devastated and falling apart. Sam knew that she would feel better with rest and food, and especially with word—she needed to know if Castiel was alive or not. Sam ran his hand through his hair and then looked at Dean and took a deep breath: he had to give Mae a quick fix right then and there so she could have her wits about her to kill Farrah for once and for all and send them to Lilith.

"Will you go sleep with her?" Sam asked Dean.

Dean's eyes widened. "What? I am _not_ sleeping with Cas' girlfriend! What the Hell is wrong with you, Sam?"

Sam sighed. "Look, I don't want you to, and I'm not going to, but Mae is not in a good place right now and she needs something familiar to help her to feel better—pity sex is the only thing I can think of since talking to her hasn't worked for either of us."

"I am _not_ doing it, Sam. Come on! Don't give me that look! I want her to get better as much as you do but there is no reason why we should think she won't ever—"

"—last time she lost the man she was desperately in love with she killed herself." Sam told him. "I cannot lose her, Dean…I can't. I could never live with myself if I took advantage of her, but you can do it and I won't think any less of you."

Dean scoffed. "Oh well thank you, Sam."

Dean groaned and ran his hand down his face, realizing that Sam loved Mae—he was in love with Mae. Dean knew that just that feeling alone in Sam's gut was what was driving him to his last resorts and so Dean nodded and went into Sam's bedroom. He looked at Mae as she sat up in the bed and laughed a little. Dean hadn't seen Mae laugh like that in a long time, and he had a feeling that she knew everything that had just occurred in that conversation. Dean shrugged a little and took his jacket off, unbuttoning his button-up shirt and standing there at the end of the bed in his t-shirt and jeans, stopping when she told him to as he touched his belt.

"You don't have to bang me, Dean." Mae told him. "I heard the whole conversation."

Dean nodded and sighed. "Sammy's in love with you."

Mae nodded too and smiled sadly. "I'm starting to realize."

Dean awkwardly ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry I was going to try and bang you in my brother's bed—all of that sounded really weird."

"It certainly did." Mae replied.

Mae was more surprised than Dean was when he climbed onto the bed with her and got under the covers. He wrapped his arms around her and Mae rested her head on his chest, trying her hardest to keep the tears in. She knew she hadn't known Castiel for as long as she'd known Michael, but she was certain that she loved him so much more. Castiel had no motives to telling her that he loved her, and Mae regretted not saying it back. She couldn't even bring herself to tell him she loved him when he was practically dying in her arms—scared that he'd die then and there as soon as she said it.

"I wish I'd told him how I felt." Mae said.

Dean nodded as he held her and rubbed her arm. "I know you do."

Mae wiped a tear away. "Do you know why Anna did it? I just want to understand why she would try and kill him with a weapon that kills angels."

Dean kissed the top of Mae's head. "She was in love with him."

Mae nodded because that for some reason made sense to her and then she and Dean looked up as Sam opened the door up slowly. When Dean started to joke that he was naked, Sam said he didn't hear any sex sounds and knew that they weren't doing anything. Mae lifted up the other side of the blanket and Sam sidled in, him and Dean holding her as she sat in between them. Dean asked her about Michael and so she started to tell them—beginning with how they met and when they first had sex three weeks later, then how they dated and talked and then when he told her he was married. Then, right when she was going to explain about when he told her his wife was pregnant, there was a knock on the bedroom door.

"Who the Hell?" Mae asked, aware that everyone in the house was currently in Sam's angel-proofed room—_angel_ proofed!

Mae ripped the door open and there stood Castiel. Mae didn't know whether to hit him or to kiss him, but she stood there mouth open, Sam and Dean exchanging looks. Castiel took a step back and Mae came out of the angel-proofed room, looking him over. He seemed saved…he seemed himself…he was still in Jimmy's attractive and violated body. The tears threatening to come when he reached out to stroke her hair, Mae pushed his hand away and pushed on his chest with her hands.

"What the Hell is wrong with you? Where have you been for the last two weeks? I've been crying my eyes out, worried sick! I don't even know if I like you any—" She tried.

Castiel kissed her as she started to rant some more, pulling her close to him and cupping her face with his hand. Mae returned the kiss, the tears falling, wrapping her arms around his neck and running her fingers through his hair. She was pissed that he had been alive these last two weeks and no one had told her, but the important part was that he was alive. While the two kissed, Mae smiling a little as she kissed Castiel back, his hands protectively placed on her back, Sam and Dean got off of the bed and Dean cleared his throat. Mae pulled her lips away from Castiel's and looked at Dean as Castiel did.

"I hate to break up the reunion but uh…we know where Farrah is." Dean told them.

**Note: I have started Summer classes! YAY! However, due to my current work schedule (I'm a nanny for triplets) and the annoying summer schedule of classes, I am only able to take online classes this quarter. *insert sad face here* lol. That means that I am going to be busy, and may only be posting once a week and/or when I have the time to post. I wish I could post more, but I have a lot of work to do this quarter! I love you all for your support! ~Kyla**


	17. Plan to Trump All Plans

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay so this has confrontation, some language, and some violence.**

**It also has a cliffhanger.**

**Warning you now.**

**=P**

****

"Where is she?" Castiel asked Dean strongly.

Mae nodded. "Yeah, Dean, where is she? You couldn't have told me this before? Frankly a hunt is more important than talking about feelings and you of all people should know that."

Castiel raised an eyebrow. "You two were discussing feelings?"

"That's not important, Cas." Mae replied. "They found Farrah."

Castiel noticed the redness that came to Mae's cheeks, and desperately wanted to know what it was that she was thinking about, but decided to let it go completely when she headed out of the room with Sam to talk about the findings. Dean looked at Castiel to study the reactions on his face, wondering what the angel before him was thinking about. He knew that Castiel was a little jealous that Mae and Sam had left the room grasping hands, but Dean was aware that Mae and Sam were never in a million years going to get together when she loved him so much.

"You look upset, Cas." Dean told him.

Castiel looked Dean in the eye. "I am simply worried about our current situation."

Dean nodded. "She loves you—trust in that and cut Sam some slack so we can get through this hunt, all right?"

Castiel started for the door. "Farrah is our focus."

Castiel didn't want his face to show that he was happy about what Dean had said, even though Mae hadn't actually told him herself that she loved him. He knew he shouldn't be jealous of Sam, so he simply composed himself and stood next to Mae as Sam started to explain what it is exactly that he and Dean had found. Since Castiel and Mae had skipped out to try and sleep together and then he had to go talk to Zachariah, Castiel was relying on his charges to help him fulfill his task. Then with one announcement of coordinates, Castiel popped all four of them right into a room with a waiting Farrah.

She smirked. "I figured that sooner or later you'd show again."

Mae bit her lip. "So I assume you were so easy to track suddenly because you set a trap for us?"

"Of course it's a trap, Mae—you really think that Lilith can have you on the side of the angels?" Farrah laughed.

Sam didn't like the way Farrah was laughing and went for her with the gun first, firing several shots into her as Dean looked at his brother with awe on his face. Sam had just up and shot someone that Castiel needed answers from just because she'd threatened Mae. In fact Castiel and Dean were both too focused on Farrah's body hitting the ground with a 'thud' and on Sam's sudden trigger happy moment, to notice the cloud of smoke. It entered the room and Mae turned just in time to have the cloud of smoke enter her through her nostrils and slightly agape mouth.

"We needed her, Sammy! We needed to know how and why she did what she did for Lilith!" Dean protested.

Castiel swallowed. "Farrah was a link, Sam."

Sam turned to him. "You really think that Lilith is far behind if this is a trap for Mae?! Aren't you supposed to protect her?! Not only is she your charge, but you claim to love her!"

"Sam! Don't make this personal!" Dean told him.

Lilith laughed a little, the once Mae eyes now white. "No, please—let's make this as personal as possible."

All three men turned around to see a vicious smile spreading across Mae's face as Lilith took a step towards them. Lilith hadn't thought she'd get homesick for a body, but the things Mae was capable of that she didn't know about yet was a kind of addicting power Lilith couldn't ignore. Besides, maybe if Lilith was in Sam's and Castiel's precious Mae, she'd get what _she_ wanted out of this. At first her plan was simply to take Mae over secretly and get Sam to feed off of her own powerful demon blood, but maybe now that she knew Castiel's feelings for the human vessel, there was a way that she could strike a deal with the angels.

"Don't think I won't shoot her." Sam said, raising the gun. "All I need is a Colt bullet and you're dead."

Lilith nodded. "You could even use the demon knife? And kill the woman you love? Why would you do that?"

Sam swallowed as he felt Castiel's eyes on him now. "Because I know she wouldn't want this—to be used for your ultimate plans of raising Lucifer up from Hell."

Castiel looked directly at Lilith. "I agree with Sam…if we have to kill you then we will."

"Then kill me." Lilith said, spreading out her arms and smiling at them as she tried to give herself up.

Dean wasn't quite sure how this whole scene was going to play out, especially since he was quite aware of the bluffing happening on Sam's side…Castiel he wasn't so sure about yet. Castiel looked like he wanted to put Mae out of the misery she was going through, but he couldn't bring himself to harm her body—something Dean couldn't bring himself to do either. Mae was part of their family, and it was time for them to stand up for her completely and save her. Dean nodded at that thought and turned to face Lilith as she lowered her arms, knowing no one was going to kill Mae's body, and then he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye.

"You can have her back when you've learned the meaning of sacrifice." Lilith said, and looked at Farrah as Farrah stood, the bullets slowly making their way out of her body and dropping into the concrete floor with loud 'plunks'. "Come along, Farrah—I have a little ritual or two for you to do."

Sam found himself squeezing the trigger again and shooting Mae's body, Dean and Castiel throwing themselves at him to make him stop. Farrah fled and Lilith left Mae's body, the pain too much for her to bear at the moment, even though she knew she wouldn't die. Lilith had found out early on that whole, she couldn't handle the pain in Mae's vessel of flesh as she could in other bodies, and so she had enlisted Farrah to separate the woman into two pieces. She wasn't sure why that was the case, but she had always wanted to find out. Still, she hadn't actually expected Sam to shoot Mae, so she left her body and let it collapse on the floor.

"Mae?" Castiel asked since he was the first one over to her.

Mae smiled sadly and coughed, iron tasting blood coming out of her mouth. "Cas?"

****

Sam paced back and forth in front of the hospital door outside of Mae's room as Mae lay there in the hospital bed with an IV in her arm. The surgery had gone without any complications, but she had yet to regain her consciousness and Sam blamed himself for that since he had been the one to pull the trigger. He just couldn't imagine that Mae would want to be possessed by Lilith again, when it had taken so much of her life outside of Hell away. Still, Sam was angry with himself for letting his emotions get the best of him…for riddling the woman he loved with holes.

Castiel hadn't left Mae's side since the nurse had told him, Sam and Dean that one of them could go in and sit with her until she woke up. Dean had promptly said it wasn't him she would want to see first thing when she opened her eyes, and Sam had backed off only after a moment after Dean had said that, because he knew who Mae would ask for when she woke up—and it wasn't him either. So Castiel had gone into her hospital room and sat by her bedside, not sure exactly how to offer his comfort when he was still getting used to the sickness he felt in his stomach. He wanted to simply reach over and heal her as he had done the last time Lilith had left her body in ruins, but he had been instructed by Zachariah specifically _not_ to heal her under any circumstances.

It was beginning to dawn on Castiel that this love he had for her wasn't going to keep her safe—it was just going to put her into more danger. He had actually thought about going ahead and killing Mae so she wouldn't have to be possessed by Lilith doing things she didn't want to do, but he couldn't bring himself to like Sam did. Did Sam love Mae more than he did and that was why he could do it? Or was Sam simply more ruled by his emotions than he was and that was why he could do it?

"Sam…" Mae whispered.

Castiel felt his heart sink a little. "I will get him for you, Mae."

Mae swallowed a little. "Thank you, Cas."

She hadn't opened her eyes, but she was stirring and aware of what she wanted…and apparently it wasn't Castiel at all. So Castiel stood up and turned away from her, Mae saddened that she couldn't reach out and grasp his hand to let him know she needed Sam for business, and opened her eyes as Castiel told Sam Mae wanted him, and then Sam came into the room. Sam hurried over to Mae's side and kissed her forehead, holding her hand tightly and wondering why on Earth she wanted him and not Castiel. The way Castiel had sounded too, he sure as Hell wasn't sticking around to figure out what was happening next—his heart was slowly being broken and he didn't want anyone to see that side of him.

"Lilith is afraid." Mae said, cringing as she tried to sit up. "She's afraid and there is only one way for us to truly defeat her and you're the only one who can do it."

Sam shook his head. "I don't want to do this anymore, Mae. I don't want to become some kind of psychic monster when I can't even bring myself to use the powers to save you. Where were those powers when Lilith was possessing you?"

Mae smiled a little. "You weren't strong enough to expel her from my body and you know that."

Sam nodded. "I know…just don't make me, Mae."

Mae opened her mouth to explain what it was that she needed from him, but the nurse came in, followed by Dean. She felt really bad about Castiel leaving like that, so sad and forlorn, but this had been business she needed to discuss with Sam because she knew that Castiel would never ever do what it was she was proposing. Mae needed to know that if push came to shove, someone would pull the trigger, and since Lilith had allowed her consciousness during the confrontation, Mae knew that Sam was the only one who would be willing to sacrifice her if he needed too…except now Sam was having second thoughts. Now Sam was starting to decide that one was more important than the many, and that wasn't going to fly for Mae when she had to execute her newest plan.

"I suggest bed rest." The nurse said as Dean ran his fingers through Mae's hair. "Your sister is lucky you got her here when you did."

Dean nodded. "Cas helped out when he needed to."

The nurse smiled a little and after winking at Dean left the room, Mae and Sam making kissing noises as Dean shot them a look and a wavering of his hand to signal the nurse was 'okay', but not his usual standard. Just the notion of that made Mae and Sam erupt into giggles because they had been so sure that Dean would tap just about anything. Even so, they clammed up when Dean threatened to make Mae stay in the hospital overnight instead of going back to the house the three had now grown accustomed to living in together. So Mae and Sam apologized and begged Dean to check her out, and since Mae held his hand and told him she was glad he was looking over her, Dean caved and went to check her out and bring her home.

Mae was so thankful to him that she went straight to sleep when he told her to, and Sam leaned on her doorframe and watched her as she slept. She looked so peaceful, and yet Sam knew that the thoughts running through her mind were less than pleasant, especially since he knew there was more she needed to talk to him about than she'd had time to explain. Hearing a swoosh of air as he thought about what it was that Mae was going to ask of him, Sam looked up to see Castiel walking out of the shadows, his feet not making any sounds on the floor. He sat on Mae's bed and then laid down next to her, Dean coming over from the living room and touching Sam's shoulder to get him to leave the two alone.

"I talked to him and he needs to talk to her." Dean replied.

Sam nodded. "Yeah…sure."

Instead of following Dean back into the living room to talk to him, Sam went to his own room and sat on his bed for a moment, laying back and trying to push thoughts of Mae from his mind. He hadn't ever intended on falling in love with her, but he had, and as much as he wanted her to be happy with Castiel…he wanted her for himself as well. He closed his eyes and tried to think about Lilith and the seals and how to stop them as Castiel ran his fingers through Mae's hair and swallowed. Castiel knew he was about to disobey again and he knew he shouldn't…but he had to heal the pain that she was feeling from the bullet wounds she had because of Sam's strength.

"Don't." Mae told him softly.

Castiel watched her as she turned over to face him. "It is my wish to stop the pain that you are feeling, Mae."

"I thank you for the thought." Mae smiled at him and snuggled into his warm body, smiling as he held her close without putting too much pressure on her bruised body. "Besides…you need to stop disobeying, Cas."

"You speak the truth, Mae." Castiel told her, kissing her as she kissed him softly. "I just want so badly to be with you."

Mae swallowed as she smiled a little. "I love you, Cas…but that doesn't change the fact that I need to become one with Lilith."


	18. When Love and Duty Clash

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**What a cliffy, eh?**

**This chapter has fluff in it, and it also has a couple moments I may be cyberly shot for, but I'm ready for that—also short, heavy smut, so be warned.**

**=P**

**I've got a rather awesome plan, and I am rather excited to play it out.**

****

Mae swallowed as she smiled a little. "I love you, Cas…but that doesn't change the fact that I need to become one with Lilith."

Castiel looked her in the eye. "What are you talking about, Mae?"

Mae bit her lip because she knew that the two things that she had said needed to be said in different ways in different sentences…maybe in two separate conversations either. The way she'd finally said 'I love you, Cas' wasn't fair to him and she had to fix that. She sat up and Castiel looked at her, sitting up too, watching her tuck some hair behind her ear and looking him directly in the eye as the words started to form in her mind. Mae took a deep breath and then she started to explain herself, wanting to save the happier things for the end when she had to get him to understand better.

"When Lilith possessed me, I was attune to some of her thoughts and they're scattered but they're also very much focused—as nonsensical as that sounds. She doesn't want me to be very aware while she is in me, but at the same time, she can't handle the pain inflicted on my body so she needs me as a buffer—needs my consciousness. I have no idea why or how that works, but I know that it does, which is why I have to be bonded to her—so she can't escape." Mae explained.

Castiel shook his head. "Mae, you're talking about suicide."

Mae smiled a sad smile and shook her head as well. "No…I'm talking about sacrifice, Cas. I didn't ask for Sam when I woke up because I wanted to have Sam by my side instead of you—I asked for him because he's the only one that will kill me and you know it. That look in your eyes when she was possessing me…your duty to take her out in my body failed you and without Ruby, Lilith is starting to fear the possibility of failing Lucifer—of not being able to help him to rise. From being in me she knows I was helping Sam, but she knows also that I want her dead—that's why she was walking away with my body…until Sam riddled me with holes."

"The angels will not go for this." Castiel explained.

Mae shrugged. "I don't care—I am stopping the apocalypse at all costs, Cas. I can't let humankind suffer…I can't let humankind pay for me not having the courage to sacrifice myself to a worthy cause."

"Mae…" Castiel tried, but trailed off when she shook her head and kissed him.

"I wish I didn't have to do it but you know it's the only way now, Cas." Mae whispered, kissing him in soft, quick kisses and breathing out words in between the contact of their lips. "I have to…but I don't want to…leave you, Cas…because…I love you…"

Castiel gave into the kiss when he heard her speak the words for the second time and felt the honesty and meaning behind them. His fingers slipped into her hair and he held her close to him, wishing his heart wasn't breaking. These human emotions had been so new to him and yet he had accepted them…until he found the knot in his chest threatening to break him. How could humans deal with the overwhelming pull of their own emotions every single day? This was the reason that angels were supposed to be unemotional—they were able to focus on their tasks and they weren't blinded by feelings that compromised what they were supposed to do.

"Just give me one moment." Mae told Castiel, pulling away from him and then getting out of the bed.

She went into the other room, Castiel wondering if he should leave when he could, but he didn't have it in him to be away from her when he knew her plan would go into effect as soon as she could get it to. Castiel took a deep breath and laid down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling as Dean looked up from the couch in the living room and smirked a little at Mae. Mae rolled her eyes and chose to speak before Dean could make any kind of comment considering her actual intentions would match his dirty thoughts perfectly.

"I want to spend time with my angel tonight so if you wouldn't mind _not_ coming into my room or needing me tonight, that would be wonderful." Mae told Dean with a smile. "Whatever happens can be dealt with tomorrow—like if the house is burning down, just let the flames go because honestly Cas can just pop us out."

Dean chuckled and nodded. "Go spend time with your angel tonight, Mae—_tomorrow_ we'll talk about this suicide mission of yours."

Mae swallowed. "Yeah…we really have to talk about that tomorrow."

Dean winked and told Mae to have fun getting laid which made Mae laugh a little and then she went back into her bedroom and shut the door behind her. She took a deep breath as Castiel sat up and got onto the bed, pushing on his chest a little as she straddled his lap and sat on him. Castiel knew when she bent down slowly to capture his lips with hers what was coming and he wasn't going to stop it—if this was how she wanted to spend what could be her last night with him than he was going to oblige her. After this he could be more professional again…he could finally focus on his task couldn't he? Even with Lilith inside of the woman he loved so deeply?

"What is it, Mae?" Castiel asked her.

"I love you very much." Mae told Castiel, looking him in the eye this time when she said it. "Since we're going to be separated anyway and bad things have already happened to us without me saying it, I no longer feel like the words and the feelings behind the words are cursed…I feel like _I'm_ cursed. You deserve so much better than me, Cas."

Castiel shook his head and kissed her softly, sitting up and sliding off his trench coat as he continued to move his lips against hers. She reached up to loosen his tie as she felt the tightness in chest begin to suffocate her with pain, and then as she pulled the tie free and dropped it onto the floor, she lifted up her arms so Castiel could pull her tank top off. Castiel reached out to touch her bruises and her wounds as she cringed, drawing in ragged breaths, but Mae shook her head. He knew he wasn't allowed to, but he wanted to heal her so that the act they were going to perform wouldn't hurt her—he hated seeing her in pain.

"Let me heal you, Mae." Castiel whispered as she unbuttoned the buttons of his dress shirt. "Please…"

At the hurt and need in Castiel's voice, Mae nodded slowly and swallowed, biting her lip and closing her eyes as she suddenly began to feel very warm all over. The soft light that shown from his hands as her wounds healed and her bruises vanished, seemed to get a little brighter when she raked her nails softly down his chest—both of them feeling fuzzy and pleased. The first time Castiel had healed her Mae had felt less pleased, but still pleased, and now she was straddling an angel who was showing his own pleasure at what she was doing to him _while_ he healed her all over. He stopped for a moment when he made it to the hook of her bra in the front, and Mae just nodded, Castiel unhooking it with trembling fingers and brushing the cup of the bra to the side, stroking the skin underneath her breast to heal her bruise there.

"You're quite a handy healer." Mae told Castiel with a smirk, lowering her straps and shrugging them off, tossing the bra down to the floor and then working on slipping out of her underwear and pajama pants and getting Castiel out of his dress shirt and khakis and boxers. "Just lie back and put your hands above your head…Cas…"

He nodded as she warned him and put his hands up above his head even though he had two bullet wounds left to heal. Castiel simply nodded at Mae when she told him to relax, closing his eyes as she felt her teeth nip at the hollow of his throat. She was trying to remember everything physical about him which made him slightly unnerved since he wouldn't get to keep this body forever, but at the same time each nip she made down his torso was pleasing him and making him feel more ready for the act. Mae raked her nails down his abs, softly stroking his length when she got there, chastising Castiel lovingly as he moved his hands a little to touch her. As she stroked and pulled a little, Castiel brought his knees up a bit as his toes curled and she settled herself against them.

"You're being a lot more patient than I thought you'd be this time, Cas." Mae told him with a soft laugh.

Castiel opened his eyes to shoot her a look. "Is it all right for me to touch _you_ now?"

He closed his eyes again though as he felt a slightly harder tug on him, moaning and arching, opening his eyes again when suddenly she let go of him completely and then laid down next to him on her back. Castiel took that movement as Mae's signal that she was letting him have the reigns now since she knew he was getting painfully hard, and so Castiel climbed on top of her and looked her in the eye. They seemed to sparkle in the moonlight, and Castiel swallowed—sex was still new to him even though he and Mae had gone through the dance before. He didn't know what to do and though at first the smile on her face made him think that she was laughing at him, he let her hands grasp hers and suddenly his fingertips felt wetness.

She was trying to teach him new things and he didn't mind that, but he was nervous at the same time. Mae closed her eyes and moaned softly as she helped push Castiel's pointer finger inside of her, arching up and removing her hand from Castiel's. Even though he was uncertain as one more of his fingers invaded her, her rock up into his hand assured him that he was doing something right at he dipped his fingers in and out slowly. He was feeling a lot better about himself when she moaned again and rocked against his hand, and the sensation sent a shiver throughout his entire body and he slipped his fingers out and kissed Mae desperately, needing release and soon.

Mae understood and put her hands up above her head, kissing Castiel passionately as he rand his hands up her arms and pressed her hands into the pillow after their fingers interlaced. Each action as his flesh entered hers was just a chain reaction of the first time, and when it was over they had energy for one more go before they simply laid there with each other, limbs intertwined and lips together. Both warm, pleased and saturated, they held onto each other and Mae asked Castiel to stay with her. Castiel couldn't refuse her, and so he held her tightly and watched her as she began to drift off.

****

Castiel nuzzled Mae's hair with his nose, breathing in the scent of her hair and placing a soft kiss to her head. He ran his hand along her bare arm and watched her fondly as she slept, wishing he didn't know that their relationship was so incredibly doomed. Mae had made it clear to him that she didn't ever want to leave him, but she didn't have a choice and Castiel wished she did. In fact, Castiel almost wished that he wouldn't have to leave her when this fight was over, but he'd have more to do when he was done. Castiel tried to shake the thoughts of leaving Mae behind, and then he felt it—the presence of someone else in the room.

At the sight of Zachariah, Castiel made sure that Mae was covered up and then he sat up as Zachariah shook his head at him. Zachariah really didn't understand why Castiel was so attached to his semi-demonic human, but he knew that eventually it wouldn't matter because Lilith would accomplish her task. Castiel was experiencing doubt at following all of his orders, and now more than ever he wanted to just do what it was that _he_ thought that God wanted. He knew that Anna had fallen for those same reactions—doubt and betrayal—and he didn't want to fall when Mae had been trying to save him, but Castiel didn't want to let Lilith raise Lucifer, and he definitely didn't want to kill Mae ever…and he knew that would come up again eventually.

"You seem content." Zachariah said with a disgusted look cast in Mae's direction as she slept peacefully.

Castiel looked at Zachariah. "Why did you not simply call for me to come?"

Zachariah took a breath. "I wanted to see what you were up to and I caught quite a show—you're spending your time frivolously, Castiel. Meet me at the meeting place—without your vessel."

With that Zachariah was gone and Castiel looked down at his sleeping human and kissed her shoulder softly, getting up to get dressed. He was going to let Jimmy have some dignity when he left his body behind, and in a bright light in the living room, Castiel ascended out of the room, leaving Jimmy with a rumble in his stomach and a wave of heavy fatigue. Jimmy recognized the living room immediately, and was vaguely aware that Castiel had been using his body to try out the sexuality that came with being with Mae…and with being a curious being. He knew he had given Mae permission to violate his body, and had been vaguely aware of the conversation that Mae and Castiel had before their latest sexual encounter before he was blacked out, so he knew how Mae felt about Castiel and how Castiel felt about Mae.

First thing was first—Jimmy wanted to get some food in his famished stomach. So he headed into the kitchen and he smiled at the refrigerator—he knew that Mae and Sam liked to keep it stocked, but that there were sometimes slim pickings after Dean had his go at it. Even so, Jimmy found a couple wrapped sandwiches from a grocery store and then poured himself a glass of milk and chowed down. He was starving and Castiel never fed him nor let his body sleep, and so after this sandwich he was going to get himself to the nearest bed and sleep. Jimmy polished off the sandwich and put his dishes into the sink when he was done downing the milk, and headed into Mae's bedroom.

He laid down on the bed and immediately recognized the smell—he'd smelled the same smell after conceiving his daughter with his wife, and times after that. That could only mean that Mae was the weight on the other side of the bed and the reason why he was so incredibly tired this time when the last time he hadn't been _this_ exhausted when Castiel left, but Jimmy couldn't find the strength in his legs to get up and find someplace else to sleep. He was too tired, and so he turned so he was facing the edge of the bed and then he fell asleep, only to be woken up the next morning by a hand swatting his ass.

"Wake up, Jimmy!" Mae told him merrily, laughing when Jimmy shot up in the bed.

"How did you know it was me?" Jimmy asked him.

Mae shrugged. "Call it a lover's intuition…or the fact that Castiel doesn't eat _or_ sleep."

"Oh…right." Jimmy replied. "I suppose you're aware then that he got dragged away on important angel business then?"

"Whatever it was, it's not exactly what I would call 'important'." Mae told Jimmy, sitting down on the bed. "Now I know you would probably like to sleep some more, so I set up Sam's bed for you downstairs—I need to wash the sheets…"

Mae smiled at Jimmy even as he blushed and nodded, getting up and watching Mae as she stripped the bed. He actually could understand why Castiel loved her, and he wished that the two would be able to be together longer—wished they wouldn't have to eventually split up forever. Castiel was an angel, and his duty was to God…not to his heart. Jimmy could understand that above anyone else—he had sacrificed his life with his family to do God's work and harboring an angel. He knew that it was for the greater good, and was of the very few who agreed whole-heartedly with Mae about stopping Lilith.

"When are you going to bond with her?" Jimmy asked Mae as she set the heap of sheets on the floor and sat on the mattress for a moment.

Mae looked up at him. "As soon as possible. I was hoping to get to say 'goodbye' to Cas first but Zachariah is a douche."

Jimmy laughed a little and nodded. "I would _definitely_ call Zachariah a douche."

Mae smiled at him and then stood up and bent over to grab the sheets, cringing as she felt the pain from the two wounds Castiel never healed. In the frenzy of trying to please the other and find their own release, Castiel had never begged her again to heal her, and she wished she hadn't allowed him to disobey in the first place. Ultimately the sex was much more enjoyable without the added pain, but she wanted Lilith to feel the pain when she went into her body. Realizing that Lilith was going to have to _want_ to go back into her body _without_ thinking it was a trap, Mae tried on a poker face for size as she turned to face Jimmy.

"I made some breakfast—if you want something to eat before a nap you should probably head out to the dining room—Dean is on his third helping of pancakes as we speak." Mae explained with a laugh and shake of her head. "Sam hasn't been too hungry lately so maybe while you're at it you can get it out of him…he's being distant and I wish he wasn't. Especially since…"

Jimmy nodded. "Since he needs to drink today?"

Mae smiled awkwardly. "Well you knowing about it makes this conversation less awkward but still a little embarrassing. I'm only doing it so he can _actually_ kill Lilith, I hope you know—I'm not _trying_ to help the demons in the slightest."

"Don't worry about it, Mae—I'm on your side with all of this." Jimmy reassured her.

"Thank you." Mae told him sincerely.

As she headed out of the room Jimmy followed and stated, "I better get some pancakes before Dean eats them all," making Mae laugh as she headed to the laundry room.


	19. Losing Everything You Hold Dear

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**And the plan is finally in action.**

**How in the world will I get this to be a happy ending?**

**You'll just have to keep reading to figure that out my lovelies.**

**I never said it wouldn't be bittersweet…**

******

**Also, pop over to read "Hunter's Grace".**

**Pups and I are having some fun writing that.**

**This chapter is for Pups.**

****

"Sam, stop!" Mae cried out, struggling against the firm grip that Sam and Dean had on each of her arms. "Come on, Sammy! I told you that I changed my mind!"

Sam shook his head sadly. "You can't back out now, Mae—this has to happen and you have to let it happen."

Mae whimpered. "Dean?"

Dean sighed. "Just suck it up, Mae—this is our last chance."

He and Sam sat her down in a chair in the empty warehouse and Mae looked around to see if they were truly all alone. Bobby had opted _not_ to come and help to summon Lilith to them, and since Castiel was nowhere to be seen, Jimmy was in the safe house where he wouldn't be mauled by demons. After tying her hands together behind her even though she was struggling against him, Dean looked at her sadly and then went to stand next to Sam as Sam lit a couple candles and began reciting the summoning spell. Mae closed her eyes as the wind whistled around them a little and then they heard a soft female voice following a throaty laugh.

"Back again? You really think I'm not aware that this is some sort of trap?" Lilith asked, flickering the wrist of the gorgeous natural blonde she was inhabiting to send Dean up against one of the walls. "You're not strong enough, Sammy."

Sam twitched slightly. "_Don't_ call me 'Sammy'."

Mae looked at Lilith and bit her lip. "Sammy can take you, Lilith."

Lilith laughed and the blues eyes sparkled before they went white. "I'm willing to test that out."

"STOP IT!" Mae yelled.

Sam, Dean and Lilith looked at her hard as she let out her little outburst, Sam taking the moment of distraction to grab Dean as Lilith let him off the wall. She let them slip out and then she sighed and walked over to Mae, leaning down towards her and looking the tied up girl in the eye. Mae really did care about the safety of the Winchester brothers, and word on the street was that Castiel had headed back up to heaven and abandoned his human lover. That thought made Lilith smile viciously as she now had something to use to make Mae squirm with emotional pain, and then Lilith reached out to start to remove Mae's shirt.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa—I do _not_ swing your way, Bitch." Mae told her.

Lilith rolled her eyes. "There's a mark on you somewhere—I told you that I knew this was a trap. Not that I'm not happy to have you separated from the boring testosterone party—I'm ecstatic."

Mae nodded slowly. "Okay…I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You're not an idiot, Mae, so don't act like you are. I know what you are and aren't aware of when our minds are linked during possession—_especially_ the things I can't control you knowing that you end up finding out." Lilith explained, running her fingers along Mae's stomach and sides.

Mae was starting to feel rather violated as the soft fingers of the gorgeous blonde ran over her own flesh and she cringed when Lilith purposefully pressed on one of her residual bullet wounds. Lilith nodded and laughed a little, Mae closing her eyes and praying for the unwanted groping and stroking to stop. When she felt more satisfied that there were no marks on Mae's arms, torso or legs, Lilith straightened up and then she put her hands on her hips and looked at Mae again. For some reason Mae was getting harder and harder to read lately, and that didn't settle well with the powerful demon.

"So is your plan making me feel the pain of your wounds? They're two bullet holes…maybe you _are_ an idiot." Lilith contemplated, nodding slowly and then shrugging it off. "What you don't understand is that I know how to control the powers you aren't aware of."

Mae honestly was confused when she heard those words. "Excuse me? What powers? All I remember are the experiments you and Farrah did with my blood—neither of you ever said _anything_ about powers."

Lilith laughed. "And _why_ would we tell you about powers in _front_ of you?"

Before Mae could think about it any longer, Lilith left the body she was possessing and it fell to the cold, hard floor with a 'thud', and then she entered back into the body she'd been trying to be in complete control of for the last long while. When she was in, she found that the ropes tying her to the chair were loose and her eyes darted around—why would they leave her like this to go ahead and leave? Were they really sick of the girl that they didn't know anything about? Was Sam really willing to let Mae go even though he loved her? And why wasn't Castiel putting up a fight? Then she realized it—the one place she hadn't explored—the symbol was on Mae's inner thigh.

"That little whore." Lilith said bitterly.

****

Sam paced in the living room as Dean and Jimmy watched him rather nervously. Jimmy was trying to convince them that the plan was for the best, but Sam was getting cold feet—he didn't want to kill Mae even if it was going to be the only way to kill Lilith. He would feel a lot better about it if Castiel was back inside of Jimmy so that maybe Castiel could heal Mae when Sam shot her with the Colt fashioned bullet that Mae had helped him to make. It was easier in a moment of rushed loss and adrenaline to riddle her with bullets but when she was lying there helpless in that hospital bed…Sam couldn't forgive himself for what he had done.

"You fed from Mae last night, correct?" Jimmy asked him.

Sam shook his head. "No, um…Mae and I actually gave up on that idea and spent last night making the Colt bullets. Any idea where Cas is?"

Jimmy sighed and shook his head. "I have no idea when Castiel will return—it has been almost a week now and I am beginning to believe that he will not be returning."

Dean ran his hand down his face in annoyance. "Great—you need to figure out how you're going to do this, Sammy…that mark has them bonded and if we have no divine intervention then—"

"—she's dead! All right! I get it, Dean!" Sam cut in angrily. "You don't have to say it out loud because we all know that!"

Dean watched as Sam stormed out of the room and then he looked over at Jimmy and they both exchanged nervous glances. This whole plan was bringing out emotions Sam was trying to hide deep inside him, but the thought of killing the woman he was in love with was starting to eat away at him. If Sam couldn't get the job done, then Dean was going to have to be the one to pull the trigger and he knew that in the end…he'd be able to do it knowing that was what Mae was sacrificing herself for. He felt bad enough for torturing her in Hell, and then for all of his mixed feelings about her, but in the last week he'd really grown to love her as a sister…and he cared about what it was that she wanted.

"I can try to get a hold of him again but I really can't promise anything, Dean." Jimmy told him. "I know it isn't very much, but I'd like to think that to a certain extent I have a certain pull with the heavenly being."

Dean nodded. "It's all right, Jimmy—Cas has a habit of showing up when he feels like it and not when he's actually needed."

Jimmy sighed loudly and ran his fingers through his hair. "I just feel like there's something else I can do to help. I hate feeling like I'm your crutch—no matter how fun the female company has been. There has to be something I can do."

"I'm not opposed to you yelling at the big guy—I'm not—I'm just not sure that it'll help. But you know what…you can try it again." Dean told Jimmy with a smile on his face.

Jimmy nodded at the hunter and then broke the gaze with his hazel eyes off as he stood up and looked up at the ceiling. He felt like his plan would be better served outside, but it wasn't demon proofed outside and with no idea what it was Lilith was going to do in Mae's body, he knew he was safer inside. Besides, Dean and Sam would go to any lengths to save him if something went wrong and Jimmy didn't want that on his conscience.

"Castiel? I know you're spread thin, but there's a girl down here that doesn't deserve to go back to Hell." Jimmy spoke strongly, making a face at the ceiling. "I can't believe that you would just leave her here to fend for herself like this. If you love her…you have to do anything and _everything_ you can to save her from the fate that _your_ superiors have brought down on her."

"Add in that his god is being a dick." Dean said with a chuckle, but shut his mouth and whipped the smirk off of his face when Jimmy threw an annoyed look his direction.

Jimmy looked back up at the ceiling. "Castiel…don't abandon her."

****

"I cannot believe that I actually _wanted_ to be in this body." Lilith complained as she walked along.

Mae laughed. _Maybe you should be more careful what you wish for then._

Lilith furrowed her brow. "I don't think you'll be feeling the same way when I take out your angel."

Mae didn't like being bonded to Lilith in the slightest—not that she thought it would be fun at all—she just hadn't expected it to feel like this. She had consciousness so she was aware of everything that was going on, but Lilith was more powerful so she was in control. Still, the infected bullet wounds she'd been enduring were causing Lilith some discomfort, and that plan was working better than Mae had expected to. Lilith though aware of pain, wasn't as accustomed to actually dealing with it as Mae would have thought—human pain was making her aggravated.

_Leave Cas alone, please._ Mae begged her in the mind she and Lilith were currently sharing.

Lilith stopped in her tracks. "Great…you _want_ me to go to them."

_What do you care, Lilith? Sam isn't strong enough to kill you with his psychic powers._ Mae told her with a laugh.

Lilith hated more than anything that Mae was mocking her like she was, and decided to just go ahead with her normal plan. Mae had figured that Lilith would eventually figure out that Mae _wanted_ her to go about her business of breaking seals, and that would give Sam and Dean just the time they needed to figure out how to get to her and how to take her out with the least amount of causalities. Unfortunately, Lilith was more in tune with Mae's thoughts than Mae had thought she would be and than Mae had wanted, so when Lilith headed for the boys two days later after successfully breaking another seal, Mae was beginning to be the agitated one.

"It has been brought to my attention that someone has a plan!" Lilith yelled from the sidewalk in front of the safe house. "So why doesn't one of you come out and face me like a man instead of a scared little girl hiding behind her fearless hero?"

Lilith smirked as Sam stepped out of the house empty handed, followed by Jimmy and Dean. Mae could tell the difference between Castiel and Jimmy better than anyone else could, and a smile spread across her face as Lilith realized that Mae's precious angel wasn't going to show himself, and her precious brothers were without heavenly assistance. With a flick of her wrist Lilith sent Dean and Jimmy flying off of the porch and into a tree. She had to close her eyes as Mae struggled to have more control from within the body and then opened them in time to smirk at Sam who now had a gun raised at her, but he was wavering on confidence.

"Go ahead…shoot your precious lover." Lilith told him and then she laughed. "Except that she's the angel's lover and not yours.

_Stop provoking him, Lilith. At this rate you're going to kill us both._ Mae warned, as she saw the sadness and truth in Sam's eyes as he took the taunting to heart. _The bullets in that gun aren't ordinary._

"I will shoot you, Lilith." Sam told her with a warning smile. "I believe you're familiar with Colt bullets."

Lilith stopped smirking and suddenly turned around and took off running. She had no idea why she had led herself into an ambush, but part of her was faintly aware of the mesh of feelings and ridiculous human urges. Mae was influencing Lilith more than Lilith wanted to admit, but in the light of Sam following and her demonic life possibly brought to a very abrupt end she couldn't dwell on that. Everything that she had worked so hard for was about to come crashing down around her and Lilith now had nowhere to turn. She was the one who was supposed to raise Lucifer and she had failed—if she died here and now the seals would never be able to finish breaking—her death would never break the final seal and allow Lucifer to rise back into power.

_You should have thought about that before you decided to bond with me._ Mae teased.

"Shut-up!" Lilith yelled, and then chastised herself when she felt Sam hone in on the direction that the exclamation had happened.

She hurried into the forested park area as Sam started to catch up to her, and pressed the human body she was unfortunately bonded to flush against the tree. With her powers useless, Lilith was beginning to tap into the human fear that Mae had and she realized that she didn't want to die—that this is not how she wanted to go out. Still, she was Lilith, and it was best that she show Sam Winchester exactly who he was dealing with. Sam may be immune to her blinding white light _and_ to Mae's powers, but the sick feeling in her stomach had to be silenced, and so if both hers and Mae's times were coming to and end then they were going out with a bang.

"Do you have it in you to do it?" Lilith asked Sam, stepping out from behind the tree to see the tears welling up in Sam's eyes.

Sam nodded. "I'm so sorry, Mae."

"It's not that easy, Sammy." Lilith told him and she knew her voice cracked when she used her powers to move the gun out of Sam's hands.

Sam started to go for the gun but stopped when Lilith tried to use her blinding light against him even if just to stun him long enough for her to get away, but Sam reacted but holding out his hand and focusing. Lilith felt the powers draining as she tried to back up, each step backwards heavier than the last. She felt a knot rise up in her throat as hers and Mae's fear of death began to combine, and Lilith found herself starting to hyperventilate a little as she started to cough up her black, demonic essence. Sam knew he didn't have enough juice in him, but since he no longer had headaches exercising his powers, he knew he had to render Lilith as weak as possibly, no matter how much it was breaking him to watch Mae's face twisting in pain and terror.

"This isn't over." Lilith managed. "Even if you kill me, his will…it will still be done."

Sam nodded and picked up the gun as Lilith tried once again to fight with her powers, but Sam was too strong for her and she couldn't hold out any longer. "I'm so sorry, Mae…I love you."

Lilith felt the bullet penetrate her flesh, and looked down at where the bullet had entered her chest, Mae screaming out in pain as Lilith's presence left and it was just her feeling the pain as her body convulsed while Lilith's demonic soul faded out of existence and smoked out of the hole in her body. She felt the sharp pain her knees as she landed on the ground and her body fell over and she started to cough as she tasted the metallic iron of her red blood spilling into her mouth. Sam cradled her when he made it over to her, glad there were no little children around to witness what was happening, and he kissed Mae's lips softly as she reached up to stroke his hair.

"Thank you, Sammy…I lo…" Mae began, but she trailed off and coughed once more before she let the darkness set in and Sam lost the battle with his once controlled tears.

"Sam!" Dean cried out, him and Jimmy hobbling over to where Mae lay dead in Sam's arms. "CASTIEL! YOU GET YOUR ANGELIC ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"

The three of them looked up at the sky and pleaded with Castiel to return to Jimmy's body…but they were met with silence.


	20. The Beginning of Other Plans

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**That was one doosey of a cliffhanger and I'm sorry…and not sorry all at once.**

**=P**

**And here is chapter 20.**

**I'm on a roll and my plan is being executed brilliantly even though my Cas muse was upset I killed Mae so soon.**

**=)**

**I should also warn you now that since it's my story, I have decided to spit in Eric's face a little (don't worry he'll chastise me for it later, I assure you), and do this whole apocalypse/paradise on earth/God thing with a my way tweak.**

****

Dean had decided to leave Sam alone with Mae's body in the living room. Castiel was still not speaking, but he had finally come down out of Mae's room and was currently standing in the kitchen. Never before had the hunter seen the angel so close to breaking down then when he gazed down at Mae's body and then knelt by her side and fruitlessly tried to heal her. No matter how many times the questions were asked, and no matter how many times Sam got in his face about it, Castiel had yet to explain to them why it had taken him so long, and Dean half expected Castiel to take off again and leave them with Jimmy, but Castiel simply stood in Mae's bedroom, silent…everyone replaying what had happened over and over again in their minds.

_Lilith felt the bullet penetrate her flesh, and looked down at where the bullet had entered her chest, Mae screaming out in pain as Lilith's presence left and it was just her feeling the pain as her body convulsed while Lilith's demonic soul faded out of existence and smoked out of the hole in her body. She felt the sharp pain her knees as she landed on the ground and her body fell over and she started to cough as she tasted the metallic iron of her red blood spilling into her mouth. Sam cradled her when he made it over to her, glad there were no little children around to witness what was happening, and he kissed Mae's lips softly as she reached up to stroke his hair._

"_Thank you, Sammy…I lo…" Mae began, but she trailed off and coughed once more before she let the darkness set in and Sam lost the battle with his once controlled tears._

"_Sam!" Dean cried out, him and Jimmy hobbling over to where Mae lay dead in Sam's arms. "CASTIEL! YOU GET YOUR ANGELIC ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!"_

_The three of them looked up at the sky and pleaded with Castiel to return to Jimmy's body…but they were met with silence. Sam shook his head and looked back at Mae's face, reaching out and resting his hand on her eyes, closing them so she looked more peaceful. Jimmy took to yelling at the sky this time, his romantic heart wrenching at the thought of Castiel not fighting for what he claimed to love, and Dean stood there helplessly, not able to bring the dead back to life. Mae's plan had worked and Lilith was dead…but it cost her, her life…and Dean couldn't help but feel guilty about that as she swallowed down the lump rising in his throat._

"_CASTIEL! YOU JUST LET HER DIE!" Jimmy yelled, tears filling his eyes. "How could you just let her die?"_

_Sam looked up as the tears continued to roll down his cheeks, Dean taking a few steps away from Jimmy as he reached his arms out towards the heavens and was bathed in a white light. Slowly but surely, Castiel looked at Dean and then at Sam, looking down to see Mae lying there, dead in Sam's loving embrace. At first Castiel didn't know what to do, but soon he was kneeling beside her, desperately trying to heal her with his powers, two large, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. Zachariah had, had Castiel otherwise occupied, and the only reason he had come back was because of Jimmy's persistence—because Zachariah had finally told him that he could go…because Zachariah knew then that Mae was beyond fixing._

"_Why did you go through with the plan before I returned?!" Castiel asked Sam harshly._

_Sam had never really faced the angel while he was almost showing anger and hysteria—or __**ever**__ really when he was showing emotion—and it caught him off guard for a moment. When the moment passed though, Sam's astonishment was replaced with his own anger with the angel for not being around and for not being here when Lilith changed the plans. Maybe if Castiel hadn't been gallivanting off helping to let Lilith break seals, he could have helped them with the binding spell and with healing Mae before it was too late._

"_We had no choice, Cas! Lilith changed the plans! And where the fuck have __**you**__ been? Huh? She needed you and you abandoned her!" Sam told Castiel with disgust. "You never loved her!"_

"_You shot her!" Castiel thundered and Dean had to step in._

"_All right guys, whoa, whoa, whoa—none of us could have controlled this situation…let's stop pointing fingers and figure out what we're going to do." Dean suggested._

_He really wasn't used to being the level-headed one, but luckily Castiel and Sam stopped glaring at each other long enough for Sam to explain that they would bury her when she'd been properly attended to. Then he cradled her body close to his and carried her all the way to the safe house, resting her on the couch and tending to her wounds, wiping away all of the blood and then trying to say his goodbyes…while Castiel simply went up to her room and stood there and looked around._

"It wasn't fair!" Castiel said suddenly, grabbing one of the dry china plates Mae had cleaned earlier and throwing it onto the floor.

Dean watched as the plate shattered on the kitchen floor, the force of the projection sending some shard jutting off in weird directions. The hunter had never once seen the angel lose it, but it seemed like the perfect time for him to be showing his emotions—he'd just lost the woman he loved and he hadn't been there to save her. Dean still wondered where he had been and how he could be so oblivious to what was going on, but he didn't have the heart to ask him. Castiel needed to mourn in his own way and if that meant breaking china, then Dean was going to let the poor scorned lover break as much china as he wanted to.

"Why would you take her from me? I have done everything that you have ever asked me to do, God!" Castiel exclaimed. "Now more than ever I believe that Lilith's treachery has reached into heaven…I cannot believe that you would wish this one a woman who saved so many lives that would have been condemned had she let Lilith rise. Mae was not without sin…but her heart was pure."

Castiel gripped the sink madly and Dean watched as he saw Castiel's fingers going white from the death grip. He started to walk towards the angel but he stopped when the angel stiffened at the approach and then lifted his face up towards the sky. Dean knew it wasn't the time to talk to Castiel about the possible reason _why_ God had let a former sinner go back to Hell—that was a conversation only Mae would have appreciated—but he needed the angel to cope realistically. If Lilith had been telling the truth when she told Sam that Lucifer's work would still be done, he would need Castiel to have his wits about him.

Come to think of it, Dean wanted Sam to have his wits about him to, and decided to brave going back to look in on Sam with Mae. Dean had only been able to mourn in short spans of time away from Castiel and Sam—far enough away from them that they wouldn't be aware of just how badly Dean missed the female version of himself. He simply missed that bossy, abrasive, addicted to food, flirtatious, loud, sometimes obnoxious, dirty limerick slinging, over confident, broken girl. Dean would never be able to understand why it was that her time to go back to Hell came before his…why he got to live and she had to die.

"I keep thinking she's just gonna sit up." Sam said aloud when he sensed his brother's presence, his voice broken. "I can't believe I shot her."

"Mae knew the consequences." Dean told Sam with a sad smile as he watched his brother's unwavering gaze at the dead woman Dean was aware now of completely that Sam was in love with. "She was glad to sacrifice herself for the lives of the many…and you helped her to carry that plan out. You're damn stronger than I am—I wouldn't have been able to do it."

Sam nodded, more tears coming to his eyes as he remembered squeezing the trigger—remembered the sound of the bullet tearing through her flesh…her scream in agony. Honestly Sam hadn't thought that he could cry anymore, but he had been sorely mistaken as the wave of memories of Mae began to flood his mind. Neither he, nor Castiel, nor Dean had known Mae for as long as they had known others dear to them, but it was hard _not_ to fall in love with the unique girl that had been thrust into their lives by the angel. Sam could only imagine the kind of pain that Castiel was going through, and the exploding glass sound earlier proved his point completely—the angel had feelings coursing throughout his human vessel.

"I think it's time that we buried her." Dean said sadly. "She wouldn't want any of us making any deals and seeing as how Azazel _and_ Lilith are dead…I don't see that happening anyway."

Sam shrugged. "There's a new head demon…you can count on _that_, Dean."

Dean _really_ didn't like the sound of that, but he couldn't disagree.

****

"You're incredibly lucky, sweetheart." A red-headed nurse told the girl as she woke up slowly, her eyes fluttering open. "If the men on their nightshifts in the graveyard hadn't heard you screaming, you'd have effectively been buried alive."

The girl swallowed a little, realizing that her throat was rather dry, and tried to figure out where she was…hospital. The room smelled like disinfectant and less than immaculately clean people, so that had pretty much answered her 'where' question. Sadly the hospital scene seemed familiar to her, and so she closed her eyes and wet her lips before she opened her eyes again and tried to remember. For a moment she wasn't sure how, why, when or even _who_, but the moment the red-headed nurse touched her forehead with two fingers, suddenly everything came flooding back to her—_everything_.

"Castiel." The girl breathed and then she looked at the nurse and shied away a little. "Anna?"

Anna nodded. "He needs you, Mae."

****

It had been two weeks since Mae had been buried and Dean was starting to feel like the one that _wasn't_ broken and completely lost. Castiel had left because it was not his place to be with them anymore, and Sam had been moping and drinking away his pain. He'd taken to sleeping with one of Mae's shirts so he could breathe in her scent at night, and Dean was afraid to take him on any hunts. Effectively Dean had become his little brother's babysitter, and he knew it would all be much easier to handle with some divine intervention. Unfortunately, Dean really didn't see Castiel _ever_ coming back to them for _any_ reason—he and Sam had effectively had a row to end all rows.

"If you're going to down another beer this morning, I suggest you eat something." Dean told his brother as he sat in front of the TV watching the news. "I called Bobby and he's coming by to tell us about some of the demon activity since you ganked Lilith."

"Lilith _and_ Mae." Sam corrected him in a partial drunken slur, chuckling and then choking back tears and he raised the bottle to his lips and let the bitter taste wash over his tongue. "Everything hurts without her."

Dean sighed—he wanted Sam to snap out of it. "Even if she was alive, Sammy…she'd be with Cas."

"But she'd be _alive_." Sam stressed, and took another swig.

Dean took two of the empty bottles and growled. "I feel like your fucking maid, and I shouldn't feel that way! You need to get off of your ass and stop spitting on her memory! She would be devastated if she saw you like this, Sammy!"

"Well she _can't_ see me, _can_ she, Dean?! I fucking shot her! She's dead!" Sam exclaimed.

Dean shook his head and left the room, setting the bottles into the sink and grabbing his jacket. He was sick and tired of picking up the pieces for everyone, and honest to God he just wanted to be done. His feet padded along the sidewalk at a reasonable pace, and suddenly he heard it—familiar humming. Looking around, Dean tried to shake the thoughts away because they were ridiculous—Mae was dead. He'd seen that with his own eyes and yet…he'd seen plenty a person come back to life after it had been sucked out of them for what was supposed to be for good.

"I could use some answers." Dean said softly, looking up at the sky. "If you're going to bring her back, you could at least have the decency to have her—Jesus Christ!"

Dean jumped when someone touched his shoulder and he whirled around to see a familiar smiling face. He had to blink to make sure that he wasn't dreaming, and slowly reached out to touch the silky dark curls before pulling Mae into a fond embrace. She smelled clean—not the usual coffee and olive oil smell that he had grown accustomed to the last time he'd seen her alive. Without realizing it he was holding her tightly, there in the middle of the sidewalk, burying his face in her neck before he violently pushed her off of him and pulled the gun out of the space between his lower back and the waist of his jeans.

"Who are you?" He asked her. "And why the Hell are you parading around with Mae's face?"

Mae laughed a little. "Its okay, Dean, it's me. You want proof, though? Get the flask of Holy water out of your breast pocket and I'll drink it—I'll even cut myself with something silver."

Dean nodded, a little more willing to believe it was her when she knew the whereabouts of his hidden Holy water, but then again it could have been a lucky guess: where else would he hide it? He watched as she chugged some down and then he handed her his pocket knife and watched her cringe slightly as she dug into her palm. She handed the knife back and the blood on it looked genuine…this had to be Mae…it just _had_ to be. Dean was back to pulling her close to him, kissing her cheek and then nuzzling her neck with his nose—she could bring sanity back to the safe house and hopefully pull Sam out of his rut.

"Sam needs you so much, Mae…I've never seen him this broken." Dean told her brokenly. "I can't help him like you can."

Dean pulled away slowly and held her at arm's length, Mae nodding and yet keeping the eye contact between them. She knew he desperately wanted to ask how the Hell she was back, and she only had sorted details that Anna had given her when she'd woken up. She had been dead all right, and definitely buried, but she'd woken up in that coffin, screamed herself to the point of passing out, and been dug up by some nightshift watchers in the graveyard. They'd gotten her to the hospital where Anna had helped her to remember, and asked her to find and help Castiel—Castiel who was buried in his work and always hopping from one job to the next with no outside of Heaven contact with anyone.

"I come back and I have to search for an angel who doesn't want to be found and I have a Winchester to put back on his feet? God is a comedian." Mae said with a smile.

"He certainly is." Dean replied and couldn't help but smile back—not just because of the joke, but because this Mae seemed so much more carefree than the one that was battling with love feelings and plotting to slay Lilith.

Mae ran her fingers through her hair and then took Dean by the hand. "Let's start with Sam—hunting Castiel down is going to take some time."

"We could summon him." Dean suggested as they walked down the sidewalk hand in hand.

Mae shook her head. "If he honestly doesn't want to be found than he won't be found…you can ask it, you know…you can ask me _why_ I was brought back. That much Anna was actually aware of."

Dean couldn't understand how she was so able to read him, but then again he was good at reading people and believed the girl next to him was simply his twin of a different gender. He swallowed the question down as best as he could because he thought it would be rude to ask it, but she _had_ given him the permission to. Mae seemed to be a little more put together now that she had been given her life back, and Dean simply didn't want to drag her back into the turmoil by asking heartless questions. Still…he wanted to know more than anything why God had decided to let her live now of all times and not before.

"What did Anna say was the reason you were brought back?" Dean asked her.

Mae smiled. "I took out Lilith by sacrificing myself. Zachariah was tainted, and he has fallen, and Anna has been forgiven. God has not abandoned the human race like we thought…but the angels are getting restless as the demon plot continues."

Dean sighed loudly. "I really hate this faith stuff."

"Living up here and dealing with it is better than Hell, isn't it?" Mae asked him.

"Fine…you win—this is _so_ much better than Hell." Dean agreed, kissing her hand and stopping as they stood outside of the safe house. "I pray you can work your magic, Princess."


	21. What to do With Another Chance

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I am soooooo sorry, guys!**

**In my own stupidity I named the poor guy Zacharias.**

***blushes and hangs head in shame***

**Yeah, it's ZachariaH, and even though I only actually called him Zacharias in 18-20, I have changed it and feel positively shameful for calling him something he wasn't like a nickname for the poor douche.**

**All right, now that that apology is out of the way, I hope you're ready for the next three chapters.**

**Pups has been soooo much help to me, and I adore her.**

**Big Bad Demon credit and Castiel's new angel boss credit goes to her.**

****

Two brown bottles sat on the coffee table in front of Sam as he stared blankly at the turned off television screen. He was lying down, and had resolved to sleep off the alcohol that he had ingested that day because he was feeling terrible. Five bottles after waking up with only a piece of toast to cushion his stomach was absolute torture on him, and he wished he'd listened to Dean before instead of pushing him out of the house. Sam was aware of all of the things that Dean had been doing for and had given up for him, and he knew he was being an ungrateful asshole.

"I just miss her." He whispered, closing his heavy lids and snuggling into the uncomfortable arm of the couch. "God…I miss her so much."

He'd effectively drifted off to sleep by the time Dean had been found by Mae and brought her back to the safe house. All Sam had done for the last two weeks was blame himself for pulling that trigger on her, not remembering that he had also killed Lilith in the process. Maybe it _was_ the loss of the woman he'd come to fall in love with, or maybe it was the fact that he couldn't compete with the angel for her affections…and now could never try. He wasn't supposed to fall in love with her and he wasn't supposed to feel like he deserved her more than the angel that hadn't even been there—and _those_ were the thoughts that haunted his slumber.

Dean kissed Mae's hand and stopped as they stood outside of the safe house. "I pray you can work your magic, Princess."

"Sammy?" Mae asked out loud as she crossed the threshold into the house. "Sammy?"

Mae followed Dean's pointer finger and headed into the living room, smiling a little at the sleeping giant. She headed straight for him and then motioned to Dean for him to help her to move him to his own bed, sighing when she saw the empty beer bottles. Sam was really taking her death hard, even though Mae wanted him to focus on the fact that he had taken out Lilith—saved the world from Lucifer's rise. Dean was carrying the brunt of Sam's body as Mae pondered and carried his large sneakered feet, trying to figure out how to help Sam out of the sadness that was enveloping him.

"If you just help me to get him onto his bed, I can take it from there." Mae assured Dean.

Dean dropped his brother onto the bed and nodded, leaving the room as Mae went about his dangled legs, untying and taking off his sneakers and his socks. Sam stirred a little, mumbling her name, and Mae looked up and couldn't help but smile a little at the care and love that came through his exhausted voice. She climbed onto the bed with him and she hooked her arms under his, hoisting him the rest of the way onto the bed and then straddling his midsection and undoing his belt. When she was finished and Sam had mumbled her name two more times, she unbuttoned the buttons on his dress shirt and struggled to get the shirt off of him, knowing getting the t-shirt off would be harder.

Coming back in to check on Mae and Sam's progress, Dean stopped in the doorway and chuckled a little as Mae tried to get Sam's t-shirt off. He knew she was trying to make him more comfortable, but the sight of her small female body trying to get the sasquatch's shirt off was entertaining. Mae shot Dean an annoyed look, and then she successfully got Sam's shirt off and tossed it into the clothes pile that she had been making with his clothes before she laid down next to him and Dean went to his own room. He wanted to leave her alone with Sam so that she could work the magic on him she'd always been able to work in the past, and once Sam was taken care of, he knew she'd focus on finding Castiel.

"I am so sorry I made you promise to shoot me." Mae whispered to Sam, running her fingers through his greasy locks of hair. "Remind me when you wake up from being passed out cold, drunk…that you need a shower."

She smiled a little and then snuggled up next to him—he smelt a lot better without the body odor and leftover smelling shirts on. Sam still desperately needed a shower, but Mae wanted him to sleep as much as possible, so she tolerated his worn body smell and soon found herself drifting off with him. In the middle of the night, Sam felt the churning in his stomach and hurried out of the bed, only faintly aware of the female bundle of warmth next to him. He got to the bathroom and threw up, coughing a little at how much his throat and now nostrils stung from the acidic violation.

Sam knew he would feel a lot better if he washed his face, not strong enough yet to take a shower and stand up on his own. The cool water made contact with his skin and he felt a little bit of the tension lift, but he still felt rather unable to stay in control of his emotions as he groped for the towel on the towel rope and dried off his face. He folded the towel and put it back, going out of the bathroom and stopping in his tracks—there was someone on his bed. As the moonlight hit her face, he was certain it was Mae…but Mae was dead and so this had to be a distraction…or a dream.

Because he knew he was hung over, Sam decided it was a hallucination and he ignored the figure as he slipped into the bed, under the covers. Unfortunately, Mae stretched a little and the soft skin of her foot reached out to brush Sam's as she lay there under the covers. Sam closed his eyes and his breath caught in his throat as he heard the audible sigh from her and reached out to touch her hair. He found her locks soft to the touch and when he caught the whiff of her hair he knew it was Mae…but how could she be there?

Sam turned over and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him. She stirred a little in his arms and smiled, glad he was awake and receptive, allowing him to run his hands along her body to make sure she was real and not a figment of his imagination. When she whispered his name in question form, his lips captured hers and she let him kiss her lovingly until Sam started to deepen the kiss and Mae felt awkward and could taste the residual beer on him. She pushed on his chest gently and though he nodded, he wasn't actually expecting the words that came out of her mouth yet, a smile on her face.

"You smell terrible." She told him.

Sam chuckled loudly. "Is it really you?"

Mae nodded and held him close to her. "I wouldn't be able to get into the safe house if I was something fugly that went bump in the dark."

Sam stroked her hair. "How are you back?"

"I'll answer your questions…once you take a shower. Do you need help with that?" Mae asked him.

Sam blushed and shook his head, realizing for the first time that he was half undressed and had no belt on. He was certain Mae had done it and stayed with him, Dean obviously telling her that Sam needed her. It wasn't that he didn't need her—Sam knew that he did in fact need her—but he really didn't like her to see him like this…see him almost as vulnerable as when he had once drunk her blood. Sam had promised himself that he'd be more independent and more accepting, but he had failed and he felt like a failure and hated that Mae had to see that in him.

"I promise I'll still be here when you get out." Mae said, stroking his slight stuble. "And maybe you should shave."

Sam rolled his eyes at her as she laughed and placed a soft kiss to her forehead before getting up and heading to the bathroom. Mae lay in the bed and rolled over to look up at the ceiling, wishing she knew where Castiel was and why he was trying so hard not to be found. She had known that eventually the thing that they had between them was going to have to come to an end but it wasn't fair for him to not be aware that she was alive—unless he was aware. It could be that Castiel knew that she had been brought back, but with Lilith out of the way his place was elsewhere, and she would have to accept that…_after_ finding him for Anna's sake.

"Where fore art thou, Cas?" Mae asked with a silly smile on her face, staring at the ceiling.

****

"I don't understand." The soft voice of the small, blonde woman told Castiel as she blew her nose into a tissue.

For the last two weeks, Castiel had been going directly from one job to another, healing, mending, and trying to forget. Every time he found a person he could help, he did what he could, and moved on when Camael gave him a more specific job to attend to. Helping people was keeping his mind off of everything that he had been through, and it was helping him to reconnect with the father. Now Castiel was standing in the home of a man who had lost his job due to a demon related accident, and he couldn't provide for his family. He had strong faith, and Castiel wanted to restore his family's faith in the lord by healing him so that he could go forth and spread his cheer.

"I am simply a messenger, but I would like to restore your faith." Castiel explained.

He had started to become a little more straight forward and hospitable in his human vessel, Jimmy occasionally pitching in his opinions on the matter when Castiel let his consciousness seep through. Jimmy was one of Castiel's only sources of comfort and conversation these long days, and with people to heal and demon havoc to mend and a new rising demon force to squash, he had little time for chatting. Castiel desperately longed for interaction with Anna or with Dean, but since he was trying to go back to the way that things were, he was trying to cut off the emotions.

"Why would God choose to heal me?" The man in the wheelchair asked, flattered and yet confused that a miracle had actually come to his doorstep.

Castiel tried to smile but he couldn't. "God has plans for you and for your family, and he wishes for you to enjoy the time together that you could have, had this hardship not befallen you."

The blonde woman nodded and squeezed her husband's hand. "You've proven true to your word so far, Castiel…we are willing to see this miracle."

Castiel nodded and reached out his hands, a warm light shining out of them as he ran his hands up and down and healed the man's legs. The last time he remembered healing legs was when he had first met Mae, and the thought brought him to the edge of emotions he was trying to suppress. He stood up since the man's legs were healed and let the woman wrap her arms around him to thank him as her husband got up and walked, leaving them to rejoice on their own as he felt the jingle. Castiel had gotten better at ignoring calls from Dean, but Camael was a completely different story.

"You've been doing well, Castiel." The angel told him.

Zachariah's replacement had been someone up farther on the 'angelic food chain': the Angel of Joy. In Castiel's great time and need, he had been sent the Angel of Joy as his new superior, and when he needed to do a job he met him in the meeting place and he would tell him what he thought of his last performance and send him somewhere else, or let him find his own new task to complete. Because of his role in helping Mae to better herself and ultimately decide to sacrifice herself for the greater good, Castiel was being given his space, and his free will allowed him to choose to do as many tasks as he wanted. Camael wouldn't mind if Castiel slowed down a bit more to enjoy the tasks instead of doing the tasks just to forget Mae, but as long as tasks were getting done, it was not his job to interfere.

Camael had chosen to inhabit a female body instead of a male one—a devout church goer in fact. She was a beautiful, with short chocolate hair and vibrant ocean colored eyes, and she had been bubbling with joy: she was the perfect candidate. He found it easier in the long run in his female vessel to be a woman initiating happiness and serenity, and so when he went out into the world to spread the word, the soft feminine voice came in handy. Sadly, the effect did not seem to be the same on Castiel—Castiel, the angel who was in need of happiness and serenity, but not willing to have try and find it.

"I believe you have another task for me?" Castiel asked.

Camael nodded, and tried hard not to furrow the feminine brow. "There is a new Demon Overlord…his name is Bael, and he has found himself a vessel."

****

Mae snuggled into Sam when he came out and pulled on a t-shirt and some boxers and crawled back into the bed. She knew that Sam needed the comfort and reassurance that her presence gave him, and without Castiel to hold onto and be reassured herself that she was really alive again, Sam was her next choice. Sam felt her turn over onto her side, her back to him, so he pressed her chest up against her and held her tightly to make sure she'd never leave him again. Welcoming each other's comfort and protection, they lay there in silence for a long while before Sam started to get fidgety and Mae smiled a little, her eyes closed.

"Can you…do you…?" Sam trailed off and Mae turned over in his embrace and looked him in the eye.

"I was willing to sacrifice myself to save the world and was rewarded by being brought back to life." Mae explained. "It's kind of cool, actually—I'm determined to live this one right. No suicide, no shutting down, no dwelling on what happened before…third time is the charm."

Sam chuckled at the ridiculous cliché. "Oh really? I suppose that means that your virginity is back for the third time as well?"

Mae groaned. "Okay this is seriously overdoing it! When you break something can't it just stay broken?"

Sam laughed again and she joined him, turning over again so that he could spoon her and hold her close. He drifted off peacefully, not aware of her getting up out of his arms the next morning to eat some breakfast with Dean. For the next two days in fact, Sam tried desperately not to leave Mae's side, and as happy as she was that he was finally sober, clean and happy, she was starting to want her space. She had explained to Sam and Dean that she knew only what Anna had told her about her being brought back—she didn't know how, just why. The first question Dean had asked while Sam was trying to figure out what had happened was where she went, and Mae told him that her act of sacrifice must have saved her from Hell, because she honestly couldn't remember being dead. She recalled a peaceful calm, but she was certain that it had not been heaven—she just hadn't been sent back down to the pit for torture.

"Donuts? Are you serious?" Sam asked as he came into the kitchen that morning, looking at Mae and Dean researching.

Mae and Dean had been practically inseparable while looking for Castiel, Mae surfing the web and Dean alternating between his brother's laptop and newspapers. They'd been living off of pre-packaged snacks and tap water, and Sam was starting to yearn for even diner food. Mae was practically straining herself to find Castiel with absolutely no luck in the matter, and every time Dean thought he found something it would send into overdrive. Sam sat down next to them and sipped some water, wishing they had coffee but the two hunters he lived with were too lazy to go to the store to buy any—even though Mae knew how cranky she got going through coffee withdrawals.

"Okay, how about this? '_Man paralyzed for life says God healed his legs_'." Dean said out loud.

Mae looked up at him suddenly. "Is there an address or a name to go with this man?"

Dean sighed. "Even if there _was_, Mae, it happened two days ago."

Mae shrugged. "So what? It's a place to start and if it _is_ Cas, I'm sure the family would be more than willing to share. When God does something for you, you're supposed to go out and spread the word to the world. If there was anything I retained from Sunday School, it was that."

"You never told us you went to Sunday School." Sam told her as Dean laughed at the thought of little Mae actually sitting through bible lessons.

"You never asked." Mae replied with a shrug.

Dean nodded and sighed. "His name is Carl Grant and he lives in Ohio."

Mae nodded and started to type furiously on her laptop, bringing up sites she would have to hack into. She wasn't as skilled a hacker as Sam so she handed the laptop over and Sam sighed a little—it wasn't that he didn't want to find Castiel…it was that he wasn't quite ready yet for what finding the angel was gong to mean. If Castiel was busy doing task after task than eventually that meant bringing the hunters to yet another demon's doorstep and telling them to go ahead and go inside. When she looked at him pleadingly though, Sam knew he couldn't resist her and simply hacked in and they found Carl's address.

Just like that Mae had grabbed her coat and shut her laptop to bring it with her in the car, asking the boys if they were coming or not. Dean was the first one up and ready, missing the action of the hunt even though he was pretty sure they weren't going to find anything, and then Sam followed behind, not wanting to be left out of the action. Mae climbed into the backseat and waited for Dean to turn the engine over, making sure to get them the directions to Carl's house. It was going to take them a while to get there, but for Castiel…Mae was willing to do _anything_.


	22. It All Comes Back to Emotions

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**So sad to have them apart, but so much fun to write.**

**When will Castiel stop long enough to hear that Mae has been brought back to life?**

**And will Mae be able to catch up to him?**

**And OMG how are Camael and Bael going to play into all of this?**

**Read on, Lovelies…read on.**

**=D**

******

**Thank you so much, Pups, for helping me by writing the first part of the Bael scene.**

**I swear Bael loves her more than me.**

**I don't blame him.**

**=P**

****

Castiel was not foolish enough to take on Bael on his own, and he knew that eventually he was going to have to bring Sam and Dean back into the fold, but he simply didn't want to deal with them yet. Camael was simply trying to inform him of what was going on, and grateful, Castiel then set off on his own to try and help some more people. It hadn't been brought to his attention that Mae was back…mainly because only a few selected had been told so far in the angel ranks. Her role wasn't done yet, but neither was Castiel's, and before he could have her back, he had to accept that she was gone instead of trying to forget—it was all part of the grieving process a heart needed to take.

_A priest was in an accident…you can save him._ Camael told him.

Castiel nodded. _I am headed there now._

Camael smiled at Castiel's persistence, but knew that when he wasn't responding anymore that he was deep in thought. Normally his work took precedence over his need to recollect memories, but at that particular moment, something must have reminded him of her. There were moments when he couldn't control when a thought of her would come to him, and this particular moment was one he hadn't wanted to forget and deep down he knew that. He was passing the warehouse where they had found Farrah but never confronted her, and he wondered why he hadn't just popped himself into the hospital. Why did he have to take the scenic route and be bombarded with memories of her and his lack of control where she was concerned?

_Castiel looked at her delicately and smiled a little and Mae found herself backing up against a wall, about to make a sound when Castiel's hand flew up to her mouth and he pressed his body against hers. At first she was going to attribute the action to some rare angel disease that was making him horny, but then she heard the scuffles—someone was here and he was just protecting her._

_Castiel had to swallow, feeling her body move as she breathed against him, closing his eyes a little as she tried to make her perch against the wall more comfortable by shifting upwards, her body and her leg rubbing against him softly. Mae liked the sensation too, and smiled as the hand not covering her mouth slowly slipped down from her shoulder to her breast. His hand had brushed it before, but he suddenly felt a lust in him as she ran her leg against him again, deliberately rubbing against him with her hips to ease her own lustful sensations. Castiel turned his head to face her, their eyes meeting, sliding his hand off her mouth and welcoming her lips on his, wondering why she was sliding her hands down to his hips when footsteps could be heard._

"_Farrah can wait." Mae breathed so softly Castiel almost couldn't make it out, resisting the urge to moan as she pulled his hips against hers hard and rubbed herself against him. "Take me back to my room in the house."_

_It took Castiel only a minute to decide what he was going to do, inadvertently helping himself to a rub against her as she brought his hips to hers again._

Castiel cleared his throat as the memory assaulted him, him remembering the sparkle in her eye and the way she smelled of apple and coffee that day. Shaking his head and attempting to push the thoughts back again when he settled on '_she's dead, and that smell won't come back_', Castiel continued to move forward towards the hospital. When he got there he went by unnoticed mostly, getting past the bustling doctors and the frantic nurses trying to tend to the other car accident victims that were whizzing by on stretchers. Hospitals were actually quite a busy place for angels, but there were some times when the Angel of Death simply had to deal with what was going to pass. Since his mission had come from Camael, however, this one priest was going to be in Castiel's hands instead.

"Who's there?" The middle-aged priest's raven-haired, teenage daughter asked, and then her eyes settled on Castiel. "I think I'm quite done talking lawyers and corporate people today, thank you."

Castiel nodded. "I am not a lawyer, I assure you."

The girl looked at him with bright green eyes. "Then who are you? A specialist, maybe?"

"I am a specialist of a sort, yes." Castiel admitted with a nod of his head. "I'd like to heal your father…if you'll let me."

"Of course." The girl managed, and moved a little so that Castiel could help the man in the coma.

"This will only take a minute…cherish him when he awakes." Castiel explained, and the girl simply nodded vigorously as she watched in awe Castiel healing her father with his beautiful, glowing hands.

****

"Mae, slow down!" Sam called as he and Dean got out of the Impala, Mae already up the walkway and ringing the doorbell. "You can't just march up to their door and—"

"Good afternoon Mrs. Grant. My name is Mae and I was wondering if you've seen Castiel, by any chance." Mae asked Carl's wife, a smile plastered on her face.

"—ask them if they've seen him." Sam finished softly he and Dean smiling too as they came up the walkway behind her.

Mae noted the woman's reaction and continued. "I know it seems strange and out of the blue but I read the article about your husband and something similar happened to me—I wanted to find Castiel to thank him."

Instead of questioning her more about how she got their address, or what it was that happened to her or how she knew that it had been Castiel that had visited them in person, but for some reason it struck them as something that was supposed to happen. They had been sent an angel, and now they were able to discuss and share their experiences with each other and at the same time delight in what God had done for them. Sam and Dean just followed Mae's suit, exchanging looks as they tried to figure out what exactly was going through her mind—put together, determined Mae was a lot harder to read.

"I'd been praying for a couple of weeks, and God sent Castiel to Carl." Mrs. Grant explained.

Mae smiled. "You're certainly blessed, Mrs. Grant. God must have seen something truly remarkable in your husband to send one of his finest angels."

Mrs. Grant smiled. "Please, Mae, call me Jane."

Mae nodded slowly and then glanced at Sam and Dean before looking back at the woman sitting next to her. "All right, Jane…I was wondering if you by any chance knew where it was that Castiel took off to. Last time I saw him he healed a few bullet wounds I got—wrong place, wrong time—and he didn't give me a chance to thank him."

"I wouldn't even begin to know, sadly, Mae. I have no idea where angels go off to when their work is complete—I assume back to heaven. He seemed in a hurry to answer some more prayers and I was just so thankful." Mrs. Grant explained.

Mae waved it off and just nodded, chatting with Mrs. Grant a little more while Sam and Dean sat there uncomfortably listening to the women chat about random things before Mae took her leave. She had desperately hoped that Castiel would have slipped up and left behind _some_ kind of trace, but he was much smarter than that. Mae started to wonder if Castiel even knew if she was alive as she got back into the backseat of the Impala and sighed softly. She knew it seemed sort of selfish and completely vain, but she had thought that if he'd known she was alive that he would have come looking for her by now…that didn't seem to be the case though.

"We'll find him, Mae." Sam assured her as he took his place in the passenger seat.

Mae shrugged. "Maybe…maybe not. I'm starting to think that maybe he doesn't want me to come looking for him."

Sam turned to face her as Dean started the car. "I'm sure he's just busy and he'll contact you when he has the time to."

Dean cleared his throat. "Or we're no longer his charges…he hasn't been answering my calls since he left after you died."

****

The group of twelve huddled fearfully in the middle of the warehouse, eyes furtively darting between the number of black eyed guards. A door creaked open, revealing a desperate mother crying mournfully to her black eyed son to set her free. After throwing her amongst the group, the dark haired son turned robotically and started to draw strange glowing symbols. Wincing harshly, one of the prisoners ducked his head, hiding the intense agony of being cut off from his Father.

Footsteps echoed in the gloom, accompanied by a sharp tap. Shadows loomed over the room, sending a cascading hush over them all. Still, the footsteps grew closer, unrelenting, unyielding, threatening. A bare globe swung harshly overhead as the person drew nearer. From the darkness came a man, yet he was so much more than that. The light captured him, bringing his features into harsh reality. By sheer survival instinct, the prisoners inched away from his impending presence.

He cut a suave figure in his tailored black suit, a glossy cane in his hand. Dark brown hair was drawn from his face, pulled back into a low tail, and his face was regal, noble, royal. Taller than most, he stared at them with a degree of disgust before his harsh lips curled into a frighteningly charming smirk.

"You know," he began, his voice like secret desires, "it can be an ugly business doing one's duty, but—just occasionally—it can be a real pleasure." Cold blue eyes zoned in on a man avoiding his gaze and the charming smirk became a twisted smile of delight. "Well, now, I didn't expect such a guest of honor, Maion." The man looked up at him startled. "Don't tell me, you don't recognize me." The man's voice was patronizing as his eyes turned gold.

"Bael," He whispered in shock.

"Bring him," Bael ordered, turning sharply. "And fix up those symbols; I don't want another unexpected guest showing up before I'm ready."

Four in the demon entourage of eight heeded to the man's commanding voice as his eyes went back to the piercing blue-gray of his human vessel. The two largest ones grabbed Maion by the arms and dragged him along, following their master with quiet precision in every footstep. It was almost too much for Maion as he felt the tight grip of the hands on his arms, and he suddenly felt that fleeting feeling of doubt again. He should have been fighting for the humans, but for some reason as he saw the majesty and power of this demon overlord, he knew the pull of this side for some of his fallen brethren.

"I'm honestly surprised to find an angel this soon after my ascension to power, Marion…and to have you here is a pleasure." Bael explained, a cruel laugh escaping his throat. "Tell me…what is your allegiance with Zachariah?"

Marion looked directly into the piercing blue-gray eyes and swallowed at the mention of his fallen brother. Just as he opened his mouth to give an answer, Bael started towards him, practically gliding along and tapped his shoulder with the bottom of his cane. The angel felt weal under the sharp gaze of the powerful demon and suddenly very much feared for his life…and there was no way for him to contact other angels to help him out of this predicament.

"What does Zachariah have to do with any of this?" Marion asked as strongly as he could.

Bael looked at the angel like he was an imbecile. "You didn't really think I'd plan an attack on Heaven if I didn't have a way in, did you?"

****

Dean shook his head at Sam when he went to go and talk to her on the couch as she plopped down in the safe house and turned on the television. She seemed to be exhibiting more old Mae qualities, and though Dean knew that Sam wanted to be by her side, he knew she needed someone impartial to converse with. Sam really didn't want to leave Dean to talk to Mae about anything, but when his brother got stern and commanding it was almost suicidal _not_ to comply. Dean would take a swing at him if he had to and that would just make Mae even more upset, so Sam sighed and nodded, heading to his room.

"Where's Sammy?" Mae asked Dean, her gaze fixed on the changing television stations as Dean entered the living room and stood by the arm of the couch she wasn't occupying currently. "He getting food?"

Dean shook his head and then sat down next to her, looking at her. "I sent him to his room."

Mae laughed. "I bet he _loved_ that."

Dean laughed as well. "Oh you don't even know how much."

Before Dean knew what was happening, Mae's head was resting on his shoulder, and she was still fixated on changing stations on the television. He leaned his head against hers and they snuggled into each other, both trying to figure out what to say since they both knew what the other wanted to talk about. Mae honestly just needed to regroup her thoughts before going back into research mode on her laptop, and Dean wanted to know where her head was at with all of the new information. He reached out and gave her knee a reassuring squeeze before he broke the silence between them and launched right into it.

"It's not like you to give up on him." Dean told her softly.

Mae smiled. "I'm not giving up on him, Dean—I promised Anna that I was going to find him and help him, and that is _exactly_ what I plan on doing…it's doing it while focusing on the business part of it and not the pleasure part I'm going to have problems with."

Dean nodded slowly and ran his cheek along her soft locks. "I still don't understand why all of a sudden you're so down on love again."

Mae straightened up and turned the television off, turning to Dean and sitting with her legs crossed underneath her. "I'm not down on love, Dean, I assure you…I just feel defeated. Honestly I want nothing more than to see Cas again, but it really isn't looking like he wants to see me. I know it sounds vain and self centered, but I wanted that angel to come looking for me the moment that he realized I was alive—even if it was just a quick pop in to pull me into some quick kiss, or something silly like that."

"Actually…Sam and I were pretty sure Cas would come running to you as well." Dean admitted with a shrug. "So maybe he doesn't know—or maybe even a quick pop in is just not quick enough with his busy schedule picking up Lilith's mess. Maybe there's a new big bad."

"Of course there's a new big bad…you're right—I'm overreacting." Mae agreed, and then she handed Dean the remote and got up to go to he room. "I'm going to go ahead and go to sleep…it has been one long day."

Dean nodded at her and told her to sleep peacefully, wondering where Castiel was right that very second, and if it was another one of those situations like when Mae had died. At that moment Castiel was returning to Camael, who had a mission for him that he knew the angel wasn't going to appreciate in the slightest. Watching him, Camael had become more and more aware of the love in his heart for Mae that wasn't going away, and had not been informed of her return to earth as of yet. Reuniting Castiel and Mae was not on the high 'To-Do List' of Heaven—bringing Dean back into the fold to help to defeat Bael was the highest priority.

"You sent for me urgently." Castiel told Camael, waiting like a patient soldier ready to be given his next orders.

Camael smiled a little. "You came rather quickly."

"I can carry out my orders quickly and efficiently." Castiel replied and then grew slightly impatient. "What is your next order for me?"

"It is time to bring Dean back into the game plan—we lost contact with Maion about three hours ago and we believe Bael is behind it." Camael explained, and nodded when he saw the slight change in Castiel's facial expression. "It is you job to explain to your charge that he needs to be ready at the drop of a hat."

Castiel swallowed—he had really hoped to be given more time before he went back to face Sam and Dean. He and Sam had argued with each other last he spoke to them, and Dean was trying his best to stay out of it all _and_ referee at the same time. Castiel was ashamed of his less than human actions after Mae died, and the way he had yelled at God when God always had a plan, and to go back before he was fully comfortable was not on his list of wants. However, he was an angel—a soldier of the lord—and if God was commanding this, then he was going to do it and be a dutiful warrior.

"What exactly are the details?" Castiel asked Camael firmly, Camael relaxing when Castiel readily accepted the new orders.

"We are planning an attack in Bael's suspected location, and Dean needs to be ready to help smoke his lesser demons out. First we must group our most trusted together, and figure out how many demons we will have to confront. It is a small assault to assess the situation—Bael will be expecting us and will have left the location by then." Camael explained.

Castiel nodded. "I will go and inform Dean then."

"Thank you." Camael replied politely, and watched as Castiel popped out, hoping the angel could find his emotional common ground before going into battle.


	23. This is How a Heart Breaks

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**This chapter is dedicated to all of my lovely readers because I adore each and every one of you, and especially to Mira and Pups (my sister and one of my newest and dearest friends, respectfully).**

**Yeah, so I nicknamed their pennames on here…oh well.**

**This chapter will make some of you happy, and make the others go, "What the Hell is wrong with you, Pyro?!"**

**Just trust me…you'll like the next two chapters more if this one annoys you.**

**I love this one though…and I hope some of you will love it too.**

**=)**

****

Dean wasn't the only one that looked up when Castiel popped into the safe house—Mae did too. For Mae though, it wasn't a very strong feeling of sensing his presence, and so she simply waved it off to her own wants as she was nearing sleep. She stirred a little as Dean's eyes lit up and he couldn't hold back the smile he had for the angel. He hadn't seen him in a little over two weeks, and though he was certain that Castiel was there to finally see Mae, the look on his face spelled out business. Even so, everyone had been stressed and in his position, Dean would want a physical outlet and knew Castiel would want one if he knew Mae was alive.

"Cas, man, where have you been?! Sam and I have been worried sick and there is so much to talk about now. If you haven't noticed M—" Dean tried, but Castiel quickly cut him off.

"—I am here on business and not pleasure, Dean." Castiel told him bluntly.

Dean was albeit a little stunned. "Seriously?"

"Yes, Dean." Castiel replied, and then continued when Dean sighed and motioned for him to continue then. "Camael has sent me to inform you that you need to be ready to place an assault to Bael's entourage of demon soldiers. He too wishes to let Lucifer rise to power, and you are the chosen warrior."

Dean wanted to press on with the Mae issue the moment that Castiel started to ramble off things about battle, but then it sunk in—this was getting deep. It hadn't ended with Lilith like he, Sam and Mae had once thought…there was always going to be some demon somewhere trying to upset the balance. When were the humans going to be left alone to live their lives with their free will? When were the angels and the demons going to finally stop waging their war on a common ground where humans would get in the way?

Dean took a deep breath and then closed his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh. "Can you _please_ explain to me who Camael and Bael are? I mean I assume that Camael has replaced Zachariah because he fell, but…"

For a moment Castiel wanted to raise an eyebrow, but he quickly figured that Dean had been in contact with Anna since Anna had been forgiven. Anna had actually been rather secretive as of late, and Castiel simply figured she was trying to spare him the pain of talking about what had happened. It hurt enough that the couch Dean had, had his feet on nonchalantly moments before had once held Mae's cold, dead body, and Castiel had to pretend it didn't affect him. He could almost still see her lifeless hand in Sam's, Sam desperately trying to make her look presentable even though there was no more life in her beautiful body.

In that second, Mae had sat up when she suddenly couldn't make the feeling go away. Was it possible that just for a moment she could actually feel him? Ever since she'd come back she'd thought about figuring out what Lilith had meant about her powers, but she didn't want to become anything that she would regret later. Sam was already still in a place about Ruby seducing him and about the lying, and if it was one thing Mae didn't want to do again, it was lie. Not to Dean, not to Sam…and certainly not to Castiel, so she hurried up out of bed and went for her slippers and to her bedroom door to go downstairs because if she was right, then she'd finally feel like she was doing what she had truly been brought back to do—tell Castiel _everything_.

"Camael is my superior, yes—the Angel of Joy. When Zachariah fell, he went AWOL, and Camael was sent in to replace him. Bael is the new demon threat that has decided to replace Lilith, seeing as how Mae and Sam took her out. He is rising up an army and has an angel hostage. When the appraisal of the situation is complete, I will be back to inform you of the next move—I just needed you to be aware." Castiel explained, wishing remembering Mae wasn't so painful for him as Mae closed the bedroom door behind her and Castiel shrugged off his need for her as he felt her presence but attributed it to his sadness still from her loss.

Dean nodded. "All right, but Cas…"

Castiel shook his head. "Dean…this is crucial. If Bael is able to raise Lucifer when Lilith failed to, we are back at square one."

Dean rubbed his temples. "You can count on me, Cas, I promise. I'll be ready and so will Sam and M—"

Dean sighed loudly as he realized that Castiel was gone, disappearing as Dean said, 'I'll be ready' and Mae appeared right then and there, looking sad that it was only Dean she had come in on. She wasn't aware that Castiel had really been there, and simply smiled sheepishly at Dean, who spoke up as she turned to go back to her room. In a fleeting moment as she closed her bedroom door behind her, Mae had been certain that there was an instant when they were feeling each other, but it had been fleeting and she'd then replaced her surety with thoughts of how she was being rather silly, and yet she had no idea until Dean talked to her just how right her senses had been.

"Cas says we need to ready ourselves for a battle, Mae." Dean told her, and when she didn't turn around, he knew the words had broken her heart.

Mae closed her eyes at Castiel's nickname. "So he was here?"

Dean nodded slowly and swallowed at the disappointment coating her voice. "Yes."

Mae felt the pain wash over her as she tried to steady her now ragged breathing. "And he didn't want to see me?"

"I think he's just busy." Dean protested, wishing he had something else to say that didn't sound so incredibly lame.

Mae finally turned to Dean and he could see the heartbreak through her eyes even though she was keeping the tears at bay. Castiel had been there and left without even so much as a word to her, and Dean was surprised there hadn't been a word about her other than hers and Sam's defeat of Lilith. There was a new demon to fight and Mae knew she shouldn't be selfish but she was alive again for crying out loud! Didn't she deserve _some_ kind of recognition?! She _had_ after all sacrificed herself to destroy Lilith for once and for all with Sammy's help pulling the trigger.

"Then we ready ourselves—no need to worry our precious angel. I'm going to go and get Sam." Mae said, and she knew Dean could pick up on the waver in the voice she was trying to keep strong.

Dean hugged her even though he knew she didn't want it. "Hey…I love you—like a sister. No wet dreams about me, hear?"

Mae laughed. "Oh I promise—none about you at all. Sam maybe, but…"

Dean rolled his eyes and poked Mae as she laughed at her own little joke, glad to have Dean as a pseudo brother she could count on for support, and Dean was glad to have someone else in his life that he could trust.

****

Maion furrowed his troubled brow when Bael left his statement simple and then walked over to the door in the room as it opened. Bael let out a soft scoff and Maion raised his eyes to see Zachariah step into the room with less than ample ease. The fallen angel just wasn't as impressive as the majestic Bael, and Maion didn't know what it was that he was supposed to do, what he _should_ do and most importantly…what he was _going_ to do. The angel hated being cut off from the Father, but so far he was in no immediate danger and if he could just keep his cool for a little while longer…

"You never said anything about Maion being here." Zachariah said as he moved his head in the direction of the angel on his knees.

Bael laughed cruel and yet intoxicating laugh and looked Zachariah directly in the eye as he replied, "It changes nothing that he is here, my wingless minion."

Zachariah was less than enthused about the nickname that Bael seemed to have given him, but there were more pressing matters to discuss since Zachariah could not take him, especially with no more grace. He had news that he knew Bael would want to hear, and Bael though not entirely pleased to have to work with a fallen angel like Zachariah, would do anything to get done everything he wanted done—raising Lucifer and then some. Bael swiftly shook his head as Zachariah motioned his head for them to move farther away from Maion who was listening intently to them, and Zachariah frowned…why would Bael _want_ Maion to hear this?

"Camael has caught on. There is still a plant or two that follow me, and it has been brought to my attention that Dean Winchester has been brought back into the fold." Zachariah explained.

Bael's face was annoyed for a moment and then he was amused. "Well we'll see if the silly human has what it takes yet…I suggest Castiel is still not at his peak?"

Maion was quite aware of the past between Bael and Castiel and now that Castiel had lost Mae, Maion was certain that he was not at his best. However, Castiel had always been able to turn a situation around when it meant protecting and fighting for his brethren, so he would be able to brush off Mae's death and fight Bael if he had to. The next thing Marion's ears picked up though, made him blink several times as if repeating the act would get him to understand more clearly what he had just heard.

"Castiel has been…hard to detour as of late. He's like he always has been—a salve to his orders. Still, I have a plan to distract him long enough to stage a side assault on the Winchesters." Zachariah explained.

Bael nodded. "I'm listening."

"Because of her heroics in the defeat of Lilith, God brought her back…and she's with Sam and Dean now. Camael has finally been made aware and wishes to keep it from Castiel until this confrontation with you is taken care of." Zachariah reported, and Bael's lips twisted into that crooked smile.

"Well done, Wingless…I think it's high time we sent out a party of demons as a distraction and brought Castiel's attention back to his disgusting human girl." Bael said with a cold chuckle, Maion swallowing and averting his eyes to the floor as Bael turned to him next.

****

Mae had been the one to go into Sam's bedroom that night to talk to him while Dean got himself some sleep—if Castiel was going to summon them at any time, then it was only prudent to get some rest before a demon battle. Sam sat up in the bed, shirtless with only dark plaid boxers on, and Mae climbed onto the bed with him and snuggled up against him. She was vulnerable and he could see that, so he knew he had to be extra careful about the things that he said and did while she was there with him seeking his comfort. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on hers, Mae biting her lip again to hold the tears in so she wouldn't have to act like a silly girl.

Sam noted that her breathing was quite erratic, but somehow she was managing to control it and it was making Sam incredibly upset. He hated that Castiel had somehow managed to reduce Mae to a case of only somewhat controlled nerves, and he hated even more that she _let_ him do that to her. Shaking his head a little as Mae whispered that she was fine, noting the tensing up in Sam's muscles as his grip tightened around her, Sam realized that if he didn't act now, then he never deserved to try later. Sam was certain that he could treat Mae the way that she needed to be treated, and all of this closeness between the two of them and Castiel being distance was the perfect time to come clean…wasn't it?

"Cas showed up to talk to Dean." Mae told Sam when she had gotten her voice to steady again. "He was in and he was out just like that, and now the three of us have to be ready for a demon battle at our doorstep."

Sam sighed loudly. "I don't have any idea why you're still waiting for him."

Mae pulled away a little and Sam loosened his hold on her to let her move as she pleased. "Excuse me?"

The question was simple and confused, and Sam got off of the bed and then turned to look at her and Mae almost recoiled at the need and the pain in them. All she had ever wanted from the Winchesters was their love and their acceptance and she had gotten it—just in ways she'd never imagined. Sam started to pace a little bit as he got his head together and Mae suddenly knew what was coming and she knew more than that, that it was going to end rather badly. If she and Sam had to get into it then they had to get into it, but Mae was already feeling flustered and hurt and she didn't want to cause herself or Sam anymore pain tonight if a demon battle was on the horizon.

"I used to think that he loved you, Mae, but I don't think he loves you as much as I do!" Sam told her firmly.

Mae swallowed and took a breath. "I don't know what you want from me here, Sammy."

"In fact I'm not even sure that he _does_ love you!" Sam continued furiously. "You're alive and you want to see him and he's cutting us all off! There's a new demon threat, I get it, but that is no reason to treat you like you don't matter. Hell, I felt like my whole world was suddenly bright and beautiful again when you were alive again!"

Mae felt the tears come to her eyes and nodded and let Sam continue because he was on a roll and he had a lot bottled up inside of him he had to release. She knew all about the need to release feelings but she didn't know if she could handle the verbal vomit she was listening to as Sam opened up to her about everything. It really had nothing to do with her and Castiel…it had to do with the way that Mae had let Sam into her life, and the way that she had treated him from the moment that they met each other.

"You let me kiss you when you came back!" Sam pointed out to her, finally easing up a little as he tried to catch his breath as the pain was now less tight in his chest, but still there in a dull throbbing.

"Sammy, you were grieving and I pushed you off." Mae replied.

"But you never said you hated it! My God we've been doing this little dance for as long as I can remember and I've _always_ been there for you and loved and protected you! Cas comes and goes as he pleases and now he's ignoring you!" Sam countered a new wind of things to say building.

Mae stood up not too. "Sammy, that's not fair. There is a war that is _still_ coming, and he has to be with the angels right now—_especially_ since a few of them have fallen with the death or Lilith and rise of the new guy!"

"Stop defending him, Mae! It's hurting you that he isn't here! It's hurting you that you need him and he doesn't care enough to even take two stupid minutes out of his day to simply come and see you!" Sam thundered stepping closer to her, his chest heaving as he realized yelling at her was just pushing her away.

Mae wiped the fallen tears away that accumulated when Sam had pushed the right buttons. "Of course I'm hurting, Sam! I mean I died and he isn't showing any concern whatsoever for my well-being because all he cares about is this war! But that's _selfish_, Sammy! I can't expect him to drop everything for me no matter how much I want him to!"

Sam scoffed and it made Mae make an annoyed noise in her throat as Sam ran his fingers through his hair in an exasperated fashion. He knew this isn't how he had planned it all to go, but this was how it was happening and he was going to go until they were both finished. At that moment Mae realized that Sam was incredibly attractive with his quivering jaw, determined chocolate eyes, and his flexing chest muscles, and she knew she had to get out of his room before she acted on her loneliness. If there was one thing that every version of Mae was familiar with, it was pity sex for the lonely.

"You were _dead_, Mae! _Dead_! No matter what he was doing he should have been here to see you! He should have cared enough to at least tell you he loved you and was glad you were back! I love you, Mae! _I_ do! I have been beside myself with joy ever since I found out that the bullet you _forced_ me to _promise_ to shoot you with penetrated and killed you! You—where are you going?! I'm not finished!" Sam shouted at her as she headed for the door to his room.

Mae turned to look at him. "You're fucking hot when you're angry, Sam! If I don't leave now then I'm going to do something I'm going to regret and I just…I can't be that girl anymore, all right?! I can't!"

Sam nodded and tried to calm down his heavy breathing. "We'll…we'll continue this later."

"I meant what I was going to say, Sammy." Mae told him, her lip quivering as more tears spilled out onto her cheeks. "When I was lying in your arms at the end I really did love you and I still do…but I just don't love you like you love me…like you want me to."

Sam nodded slowly, his own tears threatening to slide out of his eyes if he blinked too much so they held a steady gaze and she left his room, shutting the door behind her and biting her quivering lip as she tried not to cry, Sam letting the tears roll as he stared at the closed door.


	24. Honesty With a Side of Tension

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Sometimes my characters take on lives of their own…like Mae and Sam last chapter.**

**Actually, the Sam/Mae relationship has changed A LOT from my previous plan with them in the beginning, honestly.**

**Oh well, I'm loving what is happening so far.**

**This chapter is also fairly angsty, so be warned…and I hope this makes up for what some of you didn't like.**

**=P**

****

Dean was very aware of Mae's disheveled state _before_ she headed to the kitchen for ice cream. There was no ice cream in the freezer and as she wiped her tears, some frustrated ones leaking out of her closed eyelids as she started to grumble. The eldest Winchester wanted to go to her and try and calm her down, but he knew how she acted when people tried to settle her in her frustrated rage. She needed to find her calm place first, and so she took a few deep breaths and then turned around and looked at Dean who was watching her from the doorway.

"I have officially ruined your brother's life." Giving a small smile, Mae shrugged her shoulders. "Worst part is, I can't take back what I said and I feel like…like he's right. Sam thinks that he loves me more than Cas and by the way things have been unfolding I really can't prove him wrong. Why did he have to say things that I agree with but never wanted to say out loud?! Your brother infuriates me, Dean! He infuriates me and I don't know why I don't love him! Why, Dean? Why don't I love Sammy?"

Dean gave Mae a sad smile and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her, chuckling a little as she heaved a sigh because when she was frustrated and arms wrapped around her, the crying started. She didn't want to cry, but she had no idea how to hold back the tears when the pain was so nauseating and when Dean was so easy to melt into. At that moment Mae _hated_ Sam for being so right and so for being so upfront with her, and yet she knew that the hate for him would never last because she needed him in her life…even if she didn't need him like he needed her. Mae was struggling with the heaves that kept the tears flowing, and Dean ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her head, trying to calm down the sobs.

"He protects me…he's there…he keeps his word…why can't I love him?" Mae asked.

"Because you understand Cas and you're readily willing to forgive him no matter what." Dean told her softly as he shrugged. "He's an angel and you've accepted his job and what it entails, and you still love him despite the shit he's putting you through right now. Hell, if he wasn't an angel on a mission to squash the rising demon force, I'd put him through a window for ignoring you. I mean orders or no orders, seeing you for even a minute is the most respectful thing that he could do for you considering what you had to give up in the process. I love Sammy, I do, but I understand why you love our angelic friend, and I think that you're both good for each other…even if he's being a real douche right now."

Mae laughed a little and looked up at Dean as she snaked her arms around his waist. "You're kind of the best big brother ever and I'm lucky to have you by my side."

"Damn straight you're lucky." Dean said, and he flashed her a smile before kissing her forehead. "Now how about you go sit in the living room and watch a movie, and I'll go out and buy you the ice cream you want so desperately? Does that satisfy you? Hey, maybe Cas will even show up looking for me and _have_ to face you."

Mae frowned—that was certainly _not_ what she wanted right then and there and that dawning thought was what prompted her to pull away from Dean and hold out her hand. At first Dean was rather confused by the sudden movement, but then he shook his head vigorously and she frowned and then did the one thing Dean knew he couldn't resist in any woman—she pouted and batted her eyes. Dean was close to turning around and walking away, but the pain and determination in his eyes made him stomp his foot childishly and hand over the keys to the Impala.

"I swear to God, Mae, if you hurt my baby…" Dean told her, motioning various ways he could kill her.

Mae kissed him swiftly in a brother/sister fashion. "Trust me, I won't hurt that beaut out there—I honestly couldn't imagine _ever_ hurting that car…_ever_."

"Fine…I…are you sure you don't want to talk to Cas?" Dean asked her, reaching out to stroke her hair. "I mean I think you owe it to yourself to yell at him and tell him how you feel."

"God, you sound like the gay best friend in a chick flick." Mae laughed, hugging Dean when he looked shocked and then made a disgusted face. "I'll bring the car back in one piece, I promise you…I just need to go out and get my own ice cream for a change, okay?"

Dean nodded and watched her go, turning on his heels and going directly for Sam's bedroom. It was Sam's fault that Mae was in such a mood at that moment anyway, and so Dean felt like he had to fix this…that he was the only one who _could_ fix this. Unfortunately, feelings were a rather normal part of human life, and since there was a battle on the horizon, Dean knew that all three of them had to be ready, and that meant somehow getting Mae and Sam to go back to their old selves. Honestly, Dean missed the two rather opposite people who were platonically attached at the hip that he used to know…not so much his love sick brother and his emotionally distraught pseudo little sister who loved an angel.

"Sam? Tell me you're decent for God's sake!" Dean called through the door. "I just handed over my car keys, and I have to make it worth it!"

Sam sighed and pulled on a t-shirt before opening up his door. "What, Dean? I'm really not in the mood to argue right now."

"That's not what I hear." Dean replied, shaking his head at Sam. "What right do you have telling her that you love her more than Cas loves her, man? She's only been back alive for a few days and you're already distressing her! I understand why you love her, but you have to stop putting her through this kind of crap, Sammy…Cas may be acting like a royal douche bag right now for ignoring her, but you're not her boyfriend, so you don't get to sully his name just because you love her too—don't you dare give me that look and don't you dare try to interrupt me, Sammy. If you really love her, you will let her go and choose on her own. She's been through enough, don't you think? She needs you…but she can't have you if you're going to be a douche too."

"Are you done now, Dean? I'm exhausted and I'd like to sleep." Sam stated, and Dean just nodded because even though he sounded like he was brushing him off, Dean was aware from the look in his eyes that Sam had heard and understood every word.

Dean nodded. "Yeah…yeah, I'm done. Night, Sammy."

Sam reciprocated the 'goodnight' and then shut his door to crawl back into his bed and think about what had happened between him and Mae. They had both said things they knew they couldn't and more importantly _shouldn't_ take back, and they had to live with the consequences. Still, they both already missed each other, even if they weren't sure exactly how they were going to move their relationship back into an actual working relationship. Both missing each other terribly, Mae gripped the steering wheel and Sam discarded his t-shirt and crawled into bed, both thinking about each other simultaneously as Sam drifted off to sleep, and Mae made it to the store.

****

Castiel had been trying to shake off the feeling that Mae was around him for the last little bit, and he couldn't seem to do it. He knew that ever since she'd died he'd been unable to think about her for too long by himself because he lost it, but right now all he could do was think about her. It had just felt so strong in him for a moment…it had felt like it did when he'd show up and then Mae would drag him off into her room and they'd be together. All Castiel wanted was Mae, and without her all he had was his work, and this new war that he had to be a victor in.

For a moment Castiel suddenly felt peaceful as he remembered the talks about Mae's past and the way she snuggled up against him after the throws of passion had subsided, and he wanted to smile. In fact since he was by himself he could let himself, and so he did, but with all of the good memories about he, he found himself plagued with the bad ones…with the letting Sam feed, the closeness she had with Sam, and with her death. Sam had pulled that trigger because he had promised her that he would, and since Castiel had been otherwise occupied, he hadn't been able to save Mae before it was too late. That was something that Castiel was always going to blame himself for…and something he knew he should blame partially on Zachariah as well since that had been the plan all along—let Sam kill Mae, and break a seal.

"Honest to God, are you sulking?" Zachariah asked him.

Castiel turned to face him and swallowed. "You know that you are wanted and yet you risked coming here?"

Zachariah laughed. "You don't have it in you to kill me, Castiel…not even if you blame me for the loss of your pathetic whiney girlfriend."

Castiel found himself clenching his fists. "She was _not_ pathetic! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't drag you back up to heaven to be punished."

"Because she's alive." Zachariah replied with a twisted smile as he watched the anger rising in Castiel. "Because I am telling you that you can go to her, while your superiors are keeping you in the dark. Go ask Dean…he'll tell you. Hell, now that you know, Camael might even be a little bit more honest with you."

Without thinking on it too much, Castiel hurried to Camael, who was currently speaking with one of Castiel's brethren about the situation with Maion and Bael. Sources said that Bael had left his demonic following to their own devices, and it was time for a small gaggle of angels to offer their assistance. One look at Castiel and Camael had a feeling he knew exactly what was coming next, and he wasn't very enthused to talk to the emotional angel about it. He was so close to finding a balance, and now he seemed so human under Cameal's gaze, and neither of them were comfortable about that.

"Is Mae alive?" Castiel asked as the angel Camael was talking to popped out to do her own task.

Camael nodded slowly, not wanting to lie. "It was kept secret until we could be sure as to your reaction, and to what she was going to choose to do with her new life."

Castiel found it surprisingly easy to keep the joyous tears at bay, Mae sighing loudly as she saw that coffee flavored Haagen Daas was out. It was just her luck, really, and she cursed under her breath, her head snapping up as she heard an intoxicating kind of laughter and she blushed at the dashing man standing next to her. He happened to be holding the last pint sized container of the ice cream she was desperately craving, and he handed it out to her.

"Um…thanks." Mae managed, laughing a little as she took it. "Normally I'd refuse politely and then flirt my way into it so it wasn't so pitiful, but I'm desperate—for the ice cream!"

She felt her cheeks flush another shade of crimson, wondering why this man with the gorgeous smile and intense eyes was making her feel so much more like a giddy schoolgirl than anyone else she'd ever met. He laughed a little again and Mae bit her lip, holding out her free hand so that he could shake it, but instead he held it, swooped in, and brushed his lips across the skin on her hand like a gentleman out of a movie. Mae laughed awkwardly and then their eyes met again as he slowly straightened up, tapping his cane against the floor a little.

"I should probably pay for this and get back…" Mae told him softly, swallowing and mentally chastising herself for being attracted to this man at all.

"Allow me to help you with that Precious." He said, and though Mae didn't really agree with the sudden nickname from this strange, incredibly beautiful man, she followed behind him.

She hadn't expected to see the man reach out his cane to kill the shop keeper, or the black smoke to come in and fill the dead man's lungs. Her instincts were working just fine though, so after picking her jaw up off the floor, she went up to him and stood her ground firmly. The man turned to her and smiled at her, knowing this is exactly what he needed to do—push the buttons and then send her back to the safe house where if Zachariah had held up his end of the plan, Castiel would be waiting for her. Now all he had to do was introduce himself, spare her, and possibly try and spark those feelings of attraction again to gain his upper hand.

"Who the Hell are you?" Mae asked him, still clutching the ice cream in her left hand.

"I'm Bael, Precious. I wanted to meet the legendary woman whose screams helped to open the first seal, whose wiles ensnared an angel, whose plan destroyed a powerful demon…whose body is almost uninhabitable by all demons." Bael explained. "Don't waste your breath Precious, we'll meet again…and hopefully when you've figured out those powers of yours so it's at least a fair fight."

****

Dean looked up in a hurry and switched off the pay-per-view as Castiel appeared in the living room. A little embarrassed that the angel had caught him and worried because Sam was sleeping and Mae had yet to bring herself and his baby back safe and sound. Castiel looked incredibly tense, and Dean wasn't sure what this visit was about since the angel really wasn't showing any signs of wanting him to ready for battle. His eyes were incredibly confused, and yet hopeful and sad…possibly even embarrassed.

"Is it true? Is she really here?" Castiel asked Dean, hope and pain coating every word.

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Mae? Yes…are you saying you didn't know?"

Castiel shook his head. "My superiors thought I would go about my angelic work better if I was oblivious to the knowledge of her new life."

Dean found himself frowning and then stood up. "She took the Impala out to grab herself some comfort food since she thinks you don't care. Instead of running off to find her, how about you wait in her room, all right?"

Castiel nodded and slowly went into Mae's room, sitting on her bed and trying to wait patiently. He couldn't believe that she was alive and she hadn't tried to contact him at all…unless maybe she really didn't want him anymore. If she was really under the impression that he was simply ignoring her, then there would be no reason for her _to_ want him anymore after the way that he had been gone when she needed him. In fact the more he thought about it, the more he wondered why in the world she _would_ want him now, and he entertained the idea of taking off as she burst in the front door.

"Mae?" Dean asked her, standing up and heading for her as she took to the stairs.

Mae turned to face him. "Look, I just met Bael and he just took off and left me and I need answers and I'm not getting any and I'm in a bad mood, my ice cream is melting and I just—I need to be alone right now."

"Bael? Seriously? He must be planning something if he just let you go. All right, first thing is first then, you have to—" Dean tried.

"—Dean! We can talk about it in a little bit! When Cas shows up we can talk about it then, but for now I am going up to my room to sulk!" Mae exclaimed, and she was up the stairs and to her room before Dean could say anything else, expecting a scream or something when she opened up her bedroom door and found Castiel sitting on her bed, but she didn't…she just froze.

Castiel couldn't hide the excitement and happiness at seeing her standing there perfectly whole and breathing. Her night just seemed to be getting better and better, and she closed the bedroom door behind her and set the ice cream container on the dresser near her before she shook her head as Castiel stood up. His smile that had started to stretch onto his face when he realized she was truly alive again was turning into a frown because she didn't seem happy at all to see him. She was really upset and she wanted to cry, but she was going to stand her ground and talk to him.

"So you finally decided I was worth talking to, huh? I've been alive for a few days now and you choose this night of _all_ the others to come and make sure I'm good and up for the demon fighting task? Or are you just hoping I'm in the mood because your new superior is breathing down your neck to help take out Bael before it's too late and you need to take your mind off of things?" Mae asked, but bit her lip at how mean it sounded and wished she could take it back.

"That was harsh…and honest." Castiel told her as calmly as he could.

Mae noted the waver in his voice and nodded. "Well I'm feeling really hurt right now, Cas! Where the Hell have you been the last few days when I've needed you? I mean I'm sure you're busy, and Bael is easily building up a resistance, but it only takes a couple minutes to come and tell me that you're happy to see me, and that you love me!"

"I was never informed." Castiel explained, taking a step towards her and stopping when he saw the realization on her face. "Camael kept that information from me because I was doing my job and that is of more importance than what I want out of my personal life."

Mae opened her mouth to say something in response to that, but she knew it would sound ridiculous, so she stopped herself and just bit her lip. Castiel was feeling mixed feelings however at her biting her lip and took a few steps closer to her, even though she backed up a little and cursed when her back found contact with the bedroom door. If Castiel reached out to touch her she was going to lose it, and she didn't want to lose it right then when this reunion was going so much worse than she had wanted it too. Granted she had wanted their reunion to happen the day she was brought back, but she simply didn't have that kind of luck and she knew it…her karma was all bad.

"Cas, I—"

"—do you still love me?"

The way he cut off her attempt to make him step back caused her stomach to erupt into butterflies at the weirdest of moments, and she stared into his beautiful blue eyes as he placed one palm on the door and let the other hand hang at his side, their faces inches apart. He was breathing on her and she didn't want it to stop and yet she knew the two of them had more to discuss. So what if he hadn't known that she was alive when it had happened? She forgave him for not showing up now but there were other things that Sam had yelled at her about that she needed to talk to Castiel about and if she gave him the honest answer, the talking would never happen. Still, she didn't want to lie to him…

"Of course I do." She managed to breathe out, and within seconds, Castiel's lips were crashing into hers, and her fingers were running through his hair as he scooped her up into his arms.


	25. And the Plans Just Keep Unfolding

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I don't I have many warnings for this chapter, actually.**

**There's a little fluff, a little demon horde, a smidge of romance and…that's about it.**

**Pups is a life saver and helped me with names.**

**Enjoy!**

**=P**

****

Mae had no doubts in her mind where Castiel was going to pin her down when he held onto her and turned them around so her back was to the bed and his was to the door. The frenzied kiss, however, as much as she enjoyed the fervent attempt to draw her in and taste her, she was using up energy she wasn't sure she had in that moment. In fact as her head hit the pillows when they tumbled down on the bed, she could feel the exhaustion asking to be lifted as the softness supported her neck.

"Cas?" Mae whispered as he discarded his coat and tie, working on his buttons.

"I love you too." He told her, swooping down to place open-mouthed kisses to her neck.

Mae whimpered a little, which made Castiel smile, all the while not aware that she was trying to explain her current state to him—not egg him on. He was on a lustful autopilot, however, and soon the red fitted three-quarter length sleeved button-up top she was wearing was open and Castiel's mouth was on the move. She smiled a little as she remembered that he had interpreted her saying his name in question form as a, 'hey, say it back', and stroked his hair as he looked up at her, stopping his mouth since she was no longer responding like she normally did.

"Mae?" Castiel asked her softly, placing one more kiss right above her belly button. "What is it?"

Mae opened her eyes and bit her lip, making eye contact with him. "I really can't."

Castiel stiffened a little. "I did not mean—"

"—I'm just exhausted is all. Really and truly I will make this up to you later, but for now I need to sleep. The crying and the yelling and the searching for ice cream has seriously worn me out. I want to—believe me when I tell you that I want to—I just have barely any energy right now." Mae explained, blushing a little bit.

Castiel nodded and kissed her back up to her lips, resting his hand on her breast and using his thumb to stroke the skin of it above the cup. Mae smiled a little and nuzzled his nose with hers, pulling out of the kiss and sinking into the pillows a little more. She enjoyed staring deeply into his blue eyes, and for some reason seeing him smile fondly at her was a little weird, but incredibly attractive. He stopped stroking her skin and slipped his fingers into her hair instead until she stirred, making him sigh almost at once.

"I need to put the ice cream in the freezer." Mae said suddenly. "No point in eating it now since the caffeine isn't going to kick in and you're here so I can't mope about you being a giant douche bag."

Castiel nodded and rolled off of her, lying on his back and watching her get up off of the bed and grab the ice cream. He really wanted her to button her shirt back up before heading out into the throng of the Winchesters, but before he could tell her that she was already speaking to him. Instead of interrupting her, he let her say what it was that she wanted to say, knowing he owed her for everything, whether it was entirely his fault or not…and he still blamed himself for her death.

"Do me a favor and discard the open button-up, the belt and the khakis and sleep with me like a normal human tonight, all right? The angels can jingle you when they need you, I just…I want you here with me right now—even if I can't perform." Mae told him with a small laugh. "Can you do that for me, Cas?"

"Anything you wish." Castiel replied.

Mae smiled and pulled her shirt closed with one hand and that made Castiel smile a little more before he sat up to remove his shirt and Mae headed out of the bedroom door. Dean had already gone to his room and Sam was sleeping, so the trip to the kitchen from her room was simple. After depositing the pint of ice cream into the freezer, Mae hurried back up to her room and closed the door behind her as Castiel got into her bed clad only in boxers. She set to shoving off her jeans and tossing them in the hamper, then she got a black tank top from the dresser and shed her button-up shirt to pull the tank top on over her head, running her fingers through the loose curls.

"You're beautiful." Castiel told her from the bed with a goofy look on his face. "I honestly do and do not understand why emotions are so frowned upon for angels."

Mae blushed a little as she turned off the light and got under the covers to snuggle with her angel. "Yeah? Enlighten me."

Castiel wrapped his arms around her before he continued. "When we get too close to our charges we are…punished. It is not for us to indulge in pleasures of the flesh or to find ourselves familiar with greed or envy or jealousy—emotions are a sure fire way to lead to the seven deadly sins. However…love? God does not frown upon love—in fact he encourages it and the warmth and trust that goes hand in hand with it."

"I'm sorry then." Mae told him, lazily running her finger along his naked torso.

Castiel tilted his head a little to look at her. "What do you possibly have to apologize for?"

"Seducing you." Mae replied with a small shrug, kissing his chest as she nestled herself further into him. "I mean…I made you go and act on lust."

Castiel whispered to her playfully that he forgave her as she yawned, and kissed the top of her head, holding her tightly as she began to drift off, thinking about him. Through the lustful thoughts, the meaningful talks, and the arguments and the love making, Mae and Castiel had fallen in love and they both had a fleeting feeling that it wouldn't last too much longer between them. As soon as Bael was taken care of, even when a new demon threat rose, Castiel would be at the mercy of the angels and Mae had to remember and accept that. She also had to accept that Castiel was never going to have his own body…technically she was with Castiel and his vessel…with Castiel and Jimmy.

"Is it selfish of me to want you to fall so you can be with me?" Mae asked Castiel tiredly and then she tensed up. "Of course it is, I'm sorry—forget I mentioned it. I hadn't meant to even say it out loud."

Castiel kissed her head lovingly and nodded into her, wishing he knew what to say, but he really didn't. Before Mae had died Castiel had been feeling like he _wanted_ to fall just to be with her, but they both knew that wasn't his destiny. It was in that moment that the two of them realized that it would be easier to be away from each other, but neither of them wanted to acknowledge the thought out loud…neither of them wanted to ruin this moment. When it came to saying 'goodbye' they were both going to be broken, but for now that didn't matter…for now they had each other.

****

Maion couldn't believe that he was _still_ trapped with the demon horde. Bael he _knew_ wasn't going to show his face again, but he didn't know if Zachariah would show himself or not. At this point, Maion was weighing his options and he was pretty sure _exactly_ what he was going to do—treat this like a business opportunity and get himself out alive. There was absolutely no telling what would happen to Maion should he choose unwisely, and since he couldn't help anyone on either side dead, he had to pick even if he didn't want to exactly be on the side he might have to choose.

"We're moving out." One of the demons told Bael, looking him directly in the eye as she crouched down to his level as he sat on the floor. "Seems that some of your brethren are going to try and save you and all of the humans in here…only not so much."

Maion watched as the brunette smiled at him and he swallowed. "You really think you can kill us all before they strike?"

She shrugged, a wild grin claiming her face. "I think I'd like to keep _you_ at least. Thanks to the symbols your brothers and sisters that _do_ come will be cut off from communication with the outside, so they won't be able to signal out that it's all one big trap."

Maion swallowed as two screams were heard from the other room. "They'll come in, see the blood and leave."

"I think we both know angels better than that—they'd never just leave you here if they didn't see you dead." She responded, wetting her lips. "I think it's actually quite endearing this 'never leave a man behind' crap. Too bad so many angels will fall tonight…and before you ask, I think you know the answer to the question swimming around in your handsome head."

Maion swallowed and nodded—it wasn't common knowledge, but it was in fact known to a few selected angels that only another angel could kill an angel. Since Zachariah had fallen and no longer had his grace, then that meant that there was an angel on the inside that had been swayed by either Uriel or Zachariah that they hadn't yet caught. It was becoming increasingly hard to trust _anyone_, and Maion almost wished she could have killed him then and there, but she was eyeing him like he was her personal play thing. She leaned in a little farther, their eyes meeting, before that wild grin took over again and Maion had to look away from her—every scream that resounded was just music to her ears.

"Part of you doesn't care…deep down part of you could care less about the human race." She told him with a shrug, standing up and continuing to look at Maion as he stared at the pumps on the feet of the brunette woman the demon was inhabiting currently. "It's not weak to join us, you know? In fact it's rather strong…brave."

Maion scoffed at that. "Oh really? How is betraying the father, _strong_, exactly?"

She laughed and it made Maion swallow. "You don't think it's incredibly brave to stand up to God? You don't think it's incredibly brave to stand up on your own two feet?"

"We _do_ stand on our own…we simply see his vision as he does." Maion tried to explain, but he knew that even _he_ didn't believe the words that had just come out of his mouth.

Nodding and then crouching down again, she lifted his chin up with her fingers and their eyes met. "Just think about it…you have until we get back to Bael to decide…he really doesn't want to spare you like I do."

****

"No!" Mae cried out in her sleep. "No! Leave him alone!"

Castiel was startled when Mae started to thrash about, and suddenly, she was completely calm and back to dreaming. For a moment Castiel wanted to wake her and figure out what it was that was so upsetting, but he knew she needed sleep—especially since he could sense the restlessness of the angels. He didn't want to, but he got up to get dressed, Mae groaning a little in her sleep, making Castiel second think leaving, but when Camael called him, he had to go. Mae would understand and he knew it, even if she started off upset when him when she first awoke—stopping Bael simply came first.

"You called for me, Camael?" Castiel asked.

Camael nodded slowly and took in a deep breath. "It seems that Bael has anticipated our moves completely…he is not working alone."

"Do you suspect Zachariah?" Castiel inquired, trying to think of other possible angels or fallen that could be helping. "Uriel and Zachariah had deep influence…it could be someone else."

"Either way, I believe it would be best if we trained Dean before sending him to confront Bael. When we attempted to rescue Maion, we lost Charmeine and Liwet, and the demons were waiting for us—we were too late to save the humans. It seems the secondary wave of demons that Bael has left behind consist of Vetis, Kobal, Sonneillon and Asmodeus. Dina narrowly got away, and I'm not sure I want to send the Winchesters into battle quite yet—not with Sam's history." Camael explained, furrowing the feminine brow and sitting down on a nearby bench as he and Castiel watched the children playing in the park Camael had called Castiel to.

"That means Maion could be in trouble." Castiel told Camael, sitting down next to him. "I believe that with Mae by their side, Sam will be acceptable to take on the demons…it's the amount of them that worries me. May I lead their assault when I feel that Dean is better prepared?"

Camael was skeptical, but he nodded, Castiel disappearing to return to Mae's bedside, but she was no longer there. He left her bedroom to hear her talking to Sam and Dean in the kitchen, Dean yawning loudly and Sam telling her to slow down. Mae sighed impatiently and then took a deep breath, looking up at the doorway as Castiel appeared and then she pointed to him. Castiel was taken aback, but he nodded when he realized she needed help on the matter and it dawned on him why she was so valuable to the demons—she knew.

"Mae…what did you dream about exactly?" Castiel asked her.

Mae shook her head furiously. "No, Cas, it wasn't a _dream_—Maion needs our help. He is stuck with four very powerful demons and a traitor of an angel. Who that traitor is, I don't know, but the demons we're facing? Talk about your amazingly powerful demons! Bael is looking to recruit, and he has picked the right team—_that's_ for damn sure!"

Dean nodded slowly. "I guess that makes sense…he came to you for a reason, Mae. Do you have any idea what that reason was?"

"He wants me distracted—he sent me home flustered to give it up to Cas." Mae told Dean with a tender shrug. "That was his and Zachariah's plan all along."

"I knew there was something off about him!" Dean declared when he heard Zachariah's name mentioned, Sam smiling a little and nodding.

"Bael came to you and you didn't tell me?" Castiel asked finally after he had let it all sink in.

Mae bit her lip as Sam and Dean went silent, exchanging glances and anticipating some sort of argument between the two. Castiel was hurt that she hadn't told him about this sooner, and he wished he wasn't showing it but for some reason he really couldn't help it. Here, around Mae and the Winchesters, Castiel found it hard to hide his emotions since they knew him so well, and knew so much about what happened in the safe house in Mae's bedroom. They were the only ones who _truly_ understood him, and he had to accept that even if he didn't want to because it made him so much more human.

"To be honest, I hadn't expected you to be there, and then we fought, and then we kissed and then we were gonna…you know…and then I was tired and then I was asleep. There really wasn't time to tell you until I woke up from Maion contacting me and then you weren't there." Mae explained to him, walking over to Castiel and taking his hands in hers. "He didn't hurt me or anything, Cas…in fact he called me 'precious' and then gave me the last of the coffee ice cream."

Castiel raised an eyebrow at her and dropped her hands. "You smiled."

"What?" Mae asked him, her eyes snapping back to his, her suddenly incredibly alert that she had started to daydream for just a second while he was _standing there in front of her_.

"You're attracted to him." Castiel told her, taking a step back. "To Bael: Head of the Infernal Armies."

"He has his own armies?" Mae asked him and closed her eyes and sighed when Castiel popped out of the safe house. "Cas, come back! It was a simple question! I am _not_ attracted to Bael! Are you seriously going to show your jealousy right now?!" She asked him incredulously, nodding and sighing again. "Fine! Sam, Dean and I are headed to the demons right now then…_without_ you!"

Castiel was embarrassed about his impulsive move but he returned, not enjoying being threatened, and needing to explain to Dean that he needed training first, the female demon from before clicking her pumps along the hard floor of the empty warehouse, miles from their last spot. Maion watched the curvy, attractive female body pace back and forth and then looked up as one of the four demons that had him captured walked in and took a deep breath. He looked rather pleased with himself—like he was holding in his actual excitement but had to tell _someone_…why not the vivacious demon in front of him?

"This plan is perfect, Vetis…where is Bael? I want to know when I'm allowed to leave and lure her here." The demon asked impatiently.

"Calm down, As. You'll get your chance soon enough, I promise you." Vetis replied.

Maion snorted. "Vetis? I thought you were male…and yet you're in a female vessel?"

"Well that shows what you know—Demon of Corruption is actually a woman…it's Asmodeus here that's male. You've heard of _him_, right? Demon of lust?" Vetis offered up. "Here, I'll let you in on a little secret since you're all pretty and patient." Vetis smiled and leaned over, smirking when Maion swallowed ever so slightly as she breathed on him. "Mae? Easiest way to get through to her is to give her what she wants. After that, we have easy access to Sam, Dean and then you guessed it—Castiel."

Maion nodded slowly and then he looked quizzical and Vetis thought it was adorable. "But…Mae wants Castiel."

Vetis laughed and stroked Maion's cheek. "Why would she want Castiel when As is currently in Michael?"

**Note: I laid a lot of demon names on you, and three angel names, and I give all credit to naming to Pups. Also…if you don't remember who Michael is, then you need to go back and read chapter eight…even though the end of that chapter didn't make any of you very happy, lol.**


	26. Mae's at the Center: Of What?

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay, so this chapter has a 'sensuality/slight smut' warning attached to it and you'll understand that later.**

**As to the rest of it…there's angst, smut and horny Cas, who is still proving fun to write and for once he isn't fighting me on how to write him.**

**So onward.**

**=P**

****

Mae lay on her bed with her eyes closed no longer enjoying watching Castiel hurt and heal Dean. Castiel was trying to make it clear that Bael and in turn Lucifer, had powers that Dean was going to have to learn how to withstand. At first it was kind of entertaining to look at the faces Dean made as Castiel used his powers on him, but then it began to drone on and on, and Mae retreated to try and sleep again. However, sleep seemed to be eluding her seeing as how all she could think about was what the demons could possibly be up to. It really didn't seem to her like Bael's main goal was raising Lucifer up with all of the trouble he was going through to get an army but still…maybe he was getting an army to please Lucifer when Lucifer rose.

"You still up?" Sam asked Mae as he came into her room and she sat up and nodded slowly. "I just wanted to apologize to you, Mae. I really shouldn't have gone off on you like that no matter what I was feeling."

Mae smiled at him and got out of the bed to stand next to him and she took Sam's hands in hers and took a deep breath. She really didn't have any idea how she was going to explain to him what she was going to explain, but she knew she had to try. It was bad enough that she and Sam were fighting, and now Castiel was getting jealous, and Mae had to straighten everything out. This was her third shot at life, and though she thought that was way overdone, she was going to make the best of it, and she was going to try and start things out on a better foot…she hadn't been doing so well at that so far.

"Sammy?" Mae asked, both of them making eye contact. "I don't want to lose you in my life, but I can't return the feelings you have for me to you. You're amazing, and you're talented, and creative, and loyal, and attractive, and intelligent and noble, and I have no idea why I'm _not_ in love with you…but my heart is Cas'. It's not because he's an angel, or because he caved either…it's because he's there for me even when he can't physically be there for me, and he believes in me even though he's an angel and I'm a sinner. I just…you can't choose who you love, Sammy."

Sam nodded and pulled her close to him, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. He wanted her to love him like he loved her, but it was impossible and there was nothing he could do about it. It didn't help that he was drawn in by her smell, and he sighed a little and then he had to let her go before he did something he'd regret. Mae watched him sadly as he left her room without a word to her, and then she sat back down on her bed and wished that Castiel was there with her. It was important that he train Dean, but being alone was making Mae think about things she'd rather not think about given the things she knew she _should_ be thinking about.

"_Hey, Baby…you look a million miles away." Mae said, reaching out and stroking Michael's hair as he buttoned up his shirt._

_Michael heaved a heavy sigh. How could he possibly be able to tell her he was leaving her for good when her sad face made him want to stay? This was no longer as fun for him though…no longer just an escape. He had a wife—a wife that had just told him she was pregnant—and Mae in her bra and her jeans as she stroked his hair instead of looking for her shirt was way too attractive. The lump rose in his throat, but he swallowed it down and took her hand in his, kissing it softly._

"_Baby…we can't do this anymore." Michael told her._

_Mae made a face. "I believe when we entered into this we agreed that I wasn't some baby and I was willing to let you cheat with me."_

_Michael nodded and smiled at her a little. "I know, and I am __**so**__ thankful for that but…Baby, you have to understand…"_

_Mae took her hand away and went on the hunt for her shirt. "You know…I pretty much condemned myself to Hell for this, and now suddenly you're getting cold feet?"_

"_Lena's pregnant, Mae!" Michael exclaimed, and Mae clearly picked up on the anger and disappointment that his voice harbored._

_Mae hurriedly got herself dressed after pausing for a moment to let it all sink in and she suddenly felt dirty. He'd said he loved her, and he'd promised her so many things, and all the while he was still sleeping with his wife—and now he was going to be a father. But he loved her…he loved her and Mae knew it when he wrapped her in his arms and told her he wanted it to be her—he wanted to be with her, but it had to end. She couldn't take it, and so she headed out to the bar…and met up with David…_

Mae sighed loudly. "I used to be so stupid."

"You're not stupid, Mae." Castiel replied, entering her room by using an actual door.

"That's sweet, but it's not really true." Mae smiled at him and shrugged, standing up again and taking a hold of his trench coat collar, bringing him in for a kiss as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "There are things you and I need to discuss. You done with Dean for now? Do I get to have you the rest of the night?"

"For as long as Camael lets me stay, I am yours." Castiel replied fondly.

Mae nodded, reminded once again that no matter what place she held in Castiel's heart, she was always second when it came to Heaven. Honestly, she knew it was wrong and selfish of her to want to be higher than Heaven on his list of obligations, but she was starting to understand just how much this was going to hurt in the end…understand that they had to end this now. The thought brought tears to her eyes when she realized she was losing yet another man she held so dear, but she was going to make this end better than everything with Michael had ended.

"When this is over…when Bael is dead…you're going to have to leave." Mae explained to him. "You're going to have to leave and I'm going to have to deal with that."

Castiel nodded, knowing exactly what she was getting at. "You would like to spare yourself the additional heartbreak."

Mae gave him a look and let go of his coat, Castiel backing off a little too. "Don't you dare make this about me being selfish and self-preserving! In the long run it's going to spare your heart too! The closer we get from this point on, the more it's going to weigh on each of us when we don't get to see each other anymore—or at least not as often."

Castiel understood what she was saying, but he didn't _want_ to let go…in fact Castiel very much wanted to hold on as tight as he could. She recognized the look in his eyes and shook her head slowly, but gave into him when he kissed her, cupping her face in his hands. Mae found that she was rather eager to follow through with whatever he wanted, even if she knew deep down that this was going to make everything between them harder in the long run.

"Cas?" Mae asked between kisses as he started to slip his coat off and loosen his tie. "Hey…Cas?"

Castiel paused and pulled away, shaking his head, so Mae simply nodded and pulled her shirt off for him, watching as he unbuttoned his dress shirt buttons, laughing a little at how adorable he looked with lust in his eyes. Then when he cocked his head to one side and raised his eyebrows to question the laugh, Mae threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, pulling him back onto the bed with her.

****

Zachariah paced the warehouse floor as Bael seemed to be conversing with his four most trusted demons: Cresil: The demon of impurity and laziness, Uphir: Their demon physician, Botis: Their demon 'oracle', and Semiazas: Leader of the Fallen Angels. He wasn't very pleased that in all of this he had been stripped from his grace and now was unable to use his angelic powers unless he could find his grace. He had a feeling that Camael had it, but he was a hard angel to find, and Zachariah had yet to meet up with Camael's vessel, so he was at a stand still. Bael on the other hand, was rather certain that in all of this, Mae would do exactly what they needed her to do…raise Lucifer.

"Bael?" Zachariah asked, stopping his pacing for a moment.

Unfortunately for Bael, Zachariah wasn't entirely sure that Mae was going to help them the way that Bael was so certain she would. Also, Zachariah wasn't so sure that there was anyway that Mae could ever let go of Castiel for Michael…for Asmodeus in Michael. Mae would be able to see right through all of it, and the seals would be at the stand still that were at mostly with the new angelic resistance put up to keep Lucifer from rising. In all of this, Zachariah was starting to feel like he was in need of more angelic help, and there was only one angel who would be willing to help him that was still alive: Dina.

"Bael?" Zachariah asked him, a little more agitated at the nerve of Bael to ignore him.

Bael flashed him a warning glance, and Zachariah arrow his as, showing Bael that even without his grace, he was not to be trifled with. If it came down to it, Zachariah would simply be killed off and then Bael would have no angelic connection to Heaven. If there was anything that Bael was aware of, it was the Fallens' allegiance to Zachariah…_not_ to him, so to a certain extent the two had to work together even though they both wanted to be in charge. Cutting things off with Uphir, Bael headed over to Zachariah, his eyes flashing dangerously as he took the fallen angel by the arm and dragged him off to the side to talk to him.

"What do you think the big idea is you walking wingless moron? Here, you are under _my_ rules and you follow _my_ instructions. I don't interfere with your authority when we meet with your brethren that follow you, now do I?" Bael snarled. "What is it that you feel the need to interrupt what it is that I'm doing?"

Zachariah took a deep breath. "I think it is time to kill Maion and figure out a plan B. Honestly? I don't see Mae falling into our plan like you think she will."

Bael laughed incredulously. "Kill Maion? Listen, Zachariah…I will kill that annoying angel as soon as he finishes what he is doing."

Zachariah raised an eyebrow curiously. "Wait…excuse me?"

"You don't really think I'd leave that walking bag of feathers alive if he wasn't of use to me, did you?" Bael asked him, giving him another look. "The pathetic excuse for an angel has been feeding Mae information—he has told her the demons that have him hostage, where he is, and that there is an angel traitor helping that isn't you. I have been to see her and it is only a matter of time before she and the Winchesters drag Castiel with them to try and save him."

Zachariah nodded slowly and then smiled. "It's possible she'll get some of her own then."

"First she has to drive Castiel to the point of true disobedience, and _then_ we'll be able to bring her over to our side to do what she should have done in the first place." Bael explained with a large smile plastered on his face. "There is no way for her to escape us this time…there will be too much at stake for her."

Bael smiled his malicious smile when he saw that Zachariah was catching on rather nicely to the plan. Even if Mae _wasn't_ tempted by Michael, Asmodeus would turn on his demon of lust charms and it would push the already fragile Castiel over the edge and he'd have no choice but to make the one choice he never thought he would ever have to make. It would push Mae and Castiel to disagree on how to the handle the situation, and impulsive Mae would head out to try and save Maion and lead them into a trap, for by then Maion would have been slain by Bael. Then it was up to Bael and Farrah to finish what Lilith had started so that they could raise Lucifer for once and for all. After all…there were only three seals left to break…

****

Dean sighed as he watched Sam try not to be completely and utterly upset about the giggles he could hear coming from Mae's room. It hurt him to see his bother so down, but there were plenty of other fish in the sea, and Dean was sick of his brother moping about. Knowing it was the right time for a bar, or some strippers—or both—Dean stood up and tossed Sam the keys to the Impala. Sam was a little skeptical, but he gave in and nodded, needing to get away from the safe house for now, and feeling safe with his brother, even with the new threats out there.

"Cas…we have to stop…" Mae told him with a giggle, swatting his hand away from her as they laid there on the bed. "I'm thrilled, and I've been thrilled, but it really is time for us to get up and go demon hunting, don't you think?"

Castiel shook his head and slipped his hand between Mae's thighs. "I'm not ready yet."

Mae gasped as his fingers invaded her. "Cas that isn't fair…I never should have taught you that."

Castiel smiled and kissed her softly, hooking his fingers and swallowing her moan. "I'd like to think I learned a bit of it all on my own."

"I love you." Mae whispered, pulling away and looking him in the eye. "I love you, and I selfishly never want you to leave me."

"I love you too…I can't believe I've really gone this long without knowing what this feels like." Castiel told her slowly, running his nose along hers as she moved herself up against his hand.

Mae giggled and couldn't help but turn it into a dirty joke. "Well actually your fingers were there just a little while ago too."

Castiel rolled his eyes and kissed her, moaning into her mouth as she snaked her hand down to stroke his hardening member, just as Dean smirked as he looked at the dancer in the strip club, but sighed when he looked over at Sam who wasn't having as much fun. He had a feeling Sam would ruin the experience for him, but just once he wished his brother would simply loosen up. Then again, it seemed much too soon for Sam to be trying to get his mind off of Mae, he had just needed out of the house. Sam wasn't Dean, and Dean knew he should have remembered that when he had suggested the outing to Sam in the first place—Dean was the one that covered up one-night stands with more one-night stands.

"What's wrong with this one, Sammy?" Dean asked as he heaved an exasperated sigh.

Sam shrugged a little—there wasn't anything _actually_ wrong with the dancer in front of him, but for some reason he just couldn't get into it. She was dancing with her pole like one of the finest, but she just wasn't Mae, and Sam knew as he thought that single thought that he was a complete goner, but he couldn't help it. Mae had been his light in the darkness, and he had been there for her and loved her more than anyone else, and she still ran right back to Castiel the moment he decided to show himself. Why now of all times? Why was Castiel suddenly back and why was Mae still so madly in love with him? Why did Sam _never_ get the girl?

"Is it her blonde hair? Her huge rack? The way she looks at you fondly? Cause really none of those reasons strike me as a reason not to give her a big tip and maybe bang her afterwards if she's willing." Dean told his brother with a chuckle.

Sam sighed and gave Dean a look. "Dean, I just can't stop thinking about Mae, all right? Can we go back, please? I appreciate what you've done, and I've enjoyed the show, really, but there are things we have to do and sitting here tipping exotic dancer is really not one of them."

Dean nodded slowly and sighed as he smacked the butt of the redhead he'd been watching and slipping her a few ones, heading out with Sam towards the safe house. He knew that there were more important things to focus on, but he was really looking forward to getting laid since that hadn't happened for him in a while. In fact, the only person in the safe house that seemed to get laid anymore was Mae…and in turn Castiel, which made Dean raise an eyebrow as he got back into the Impala. Sam looked at him questioningly as Dean took his hand off of the ignition, and Dean turned to look his brother in the eye, not quite sure of how to phrase it.

"Cas gets laid…Cas gets laid and we don't. Exactly when did that happen?" Dean asked Sam, truly puzzled by the thoughts swimming around in his head.

Sam shook his head and shrugged sadly. "I don't know, Dean…I honestly have no idea why Cas is with the fairer sex and the most action we've gotten was killing demons."

Dean scrunched up his nose and knew he shouldn't have brought it up, turning the engine over and getting the car out on the road. He drove slowly, but not too slowly to have Sam make a fuss, and when they parked in the driveway of the safe house, a man was on the porch and he looked like he was going to ring the doorbell, but he was chickening out. Sam and Dean hadn't seem him before, and they really never had visitors at the safe house, so they wondered who he was when they got out, him shaking his head and walking away from the door, only to look startled and then laugh a little and calm down when he saw Sam and Dean.

"Can we help you?" Dean asked, already in protective mode.

The man shook his head. "No, no, I uh…I was going to see Mae but I decided to just leave her be…um…I'll come back tomorrow or something when I have a better reason to talk to her."

Sam nodded. "All right, do you have a number we can give her, for you to reach her at?"

The man nodded and pulled out a piece of paper out of the breast pocket of his dress shirt, and the pen next to it, scrawling his cell number down and handing it to Sam. He thanked Sam and Dean and headed down the walk towards the sidewalk, Dean speaking up as Sam stared at the name that the man had sprawled out above his phone number. Why now? Why of all the times would he be here to see her? Hadn't he caused her enough pain? Should Sam even tell Mae about it?

"Is there a name to go with that number?" Dean asked, Sam crumpling the number up in his hand beside him.

The man turned to him and nodded a smile on his face. "Michael."


	27. Oh, Snap! That's One Master Plan!

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**I know it's been a while and I'm sorry!**

**I will make it up to you guys by giving you this chapter now, and then if I see if people are still around via reviews to let me know this is still getting read, I will update this again asap.**

**=)**

****

Castiel held Mae close to him and stroked her hair as she kissed the crook of his neck and ran her fingers along his pecks. He was holding her rather tightly as they cuddled under the covers, and neither of them wanted to move even though they knew they had to. It had suddenly dawned on them in their final go that their relationship wasn't really going to be allowed to be a relationship once Bael was defeated and Mae and Dean were no longer Castiel's charges, and neither of them wanted that. They wanted to defeat Bael, and they wanted to save the world from the apocalypse, but it was just not enough time for them to be together…they didn't want to _not_ be together.

"I'm kind of upset with you right now." Mae told Castiel as she snuggled into him more.

Castiel made a face. "Upset with me? You really weren't acting upset with me."

Mae laughed a little and shrugged. "How can I be upset with you in the middle of mind-shattering sex? I mean honestly, come on."

Castiel felt his cheeks flush a little and he smiled. "Mind-shattering?"

"You know that's a compliment, do you?" Mae asked him, raising an eyebrow playfully and then pulling away to kiss him.

Castiel kissed her back and cupped her face with his hand, keeping her close to him because he knew this was probably one of the last moments they'd get to spend together like this. The minute they got up to go and figure out how to defeat Bael and how to save Maion, it was just a matter of time before Castiel was off—before his role here was done. This was their way of prolonging their time together, even though they both knew they couldn't make this moment last forever even if they wanted to…even if they felt like they needed to.

"It's not fair that you have to leave me." Mae whispered to him, resting her forehead against his. "I know I shouldn't be selfish about it, and I should have known you'd have to leave me…but I can't imagine you never coming back."

Castiel nodded against her. "I know, Mae. Do you…do you want me to fall from grace honestly, or are you simply entertaining ways of keeping me here with you because you love me and you'll miss me?"

"What kind of unfair question is that?" Mae asked him with a laugh. "Cas…I love you far too much to _actually _ask you to give up being an angel for me. I simply want you to know that I'm only human, and on some level I want us to be able to be an actual couple even though I know it won't happen on the level I want it, _because_ you're an angel. I respect you, and I respect what you do, but I'll never stop wanting more out of this."

"Mae!" Sam called when he and Dean came in through the front door of the safe house.

Mae kissed Castiel softly one more time and then she got up to pull clothes on, her tank top over her head as Sam knocked on the door. She looked over at Cas who sort of gave her a look, so she opened the door a smidge a then slipped out of the room, right in front of Sam as she shut the bedroom door behind her. He looked worried which made her furrow her brow, and when he took a deep breath, she knew she wasn't gonna hear anything good come out of his mouth. Besides, when Sam started out a sentence with, 'Dean says it's in your best interest to know', Mae knew something big was up.

"Dean says it's in your best interest to know…well to know that…" Sam heaved another sigh and pulled the crumpled up piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to her. "You had a visitor today, and Dean and I are worried."

Mae unfolded the crumpled up paper and stared down at the note, her eyes going wide. She couldn't believe that after all this time, he would choose now to come and see her and how did he even know she was here? If there was one thing that Mae knew about Michael, it was that he only showed up when he wanted something or thought he needed it. Now that she felt like she understood what love really was, she knew that Michael was really only in their dysfunctional relationship for the sex and the way she supported him—not at all for love.

"Why was he here?" Mae asked Sam suddenly, wishing she didn't feel the need to call the number.

Sam looked at Mae and shrugged his shoulders. "Are you certain you want to know?"

Mae took a deep breath. "Don't tell Cas, all right?"

Sam looked shocked as Mae headed towards the living room and shook his head. "You are _not_ going to go see him!"

"Sam, please…just let it go." Mae told him exasperatedly.

Sam looked rather livid with her, and Mae couldn't explain to him why she was feeling how she was feeling. She was aware that she shouldn't be thinking about Michael or about going to see him, but he was there for a reason. Maybe it was just for sex, but she could totally make sure she didn't cave to him for that—maybe he had something important to tell her. If not, then…then it would be worth it to her completely to have checked it out. Still, she didn't like the way that Sam's eyes were judging her, and she couldn't get his eyes off of her when she was pretty sure he could understand exactly what it was that she was thinking.

"You are not going to see him." Sam told her firmly, not liking the face she made.

"Why do you think you have the right to order me around?" Mae asked him angrily.

Sam took a deep breath. "Mae, I know all about your past, and I know that you love him deep down even though he's never been there for you when you need him!"

"I can't fight with you again right now, Sammy! I can't do it!" Mae exclaimed, heading for her coat.

"MAE!" Sam yelled angrily, and then sighed at her.

He knew how she felt and he was pretty sure that he knew what she was going to do and he was worried about her—and when Castiel came out of her bedroom and he saw her disappearing out the door without a word, he was rather upset too. Sam watched as Castiel looked crestfallen, and he went to talk to Dean—Mae certainly shouldn't be going anywhere on her own…especially not with demons out.

****

Maion looked up as Bael walked into the room and he sighed a little bit. Bael was getting rather impatient because he wanted really badly to get the last seal opened. There were only two left, and in order to open the last seal, he needed Lilith's blood. Maion wasn't sure at all how Bael was going to pull that off, but Bael seemed to think he had everything under control. And now, Maion was rather certain that he had led Mae, Sam, Dean and Castiel into one deadly trap.

"So what exactly did you tell Mae?" Bael asked Maion.

Maion laughed a little. "You really think I'm going to tell you that?"

Bael smirked and then backhanded Maion's face. "I think you should just answer me when I ask you questions…unless you want me to send in Vetis."

Maion actually would have rather been interrogated by the very attractive female demon, and so he took a deep breath and looked Bael in the eye. Bael was kind of sick and tired of all of the chaos around him when he really needed _something_ to work in his favor, but he let it go. At first he wasn't going to, but he figured since he was going to kill the angel anyway, least the angel could get was a little fun before the end. So, Bael went outside of the room Maion was shackled in and ushered Vetis in, who smirked as her heels clicked on the floor.

"Is an angel looking to be a little naughty or something?" Vetis asked him with a giggle.

Maion looked her in the eye. "What exactly is Bael's ingenious plan, Vetis?"

Vetis laughed and straddled him. "Is that really what you want to talk about?"

Maion shivered a little pleasantly as he sat on the cold bench. "I really just needed to know what kind of trouble I got Castiel into."

"I think we should play a little and then maybe I'll answer some questions." Vetis replied breathing on Maion's face, their faces inches apart. "For now I think I'll just sin if you don't mind."

****

When Mae had called Michael to see where he was staying, she had wished she'd convinced him to come to the safe house. She knew that part of Sam's argument had been about how the demons were all around and they didn't know who to trust, but she really had to see him. There were too many questions running through her mind, and believe it or not she kind of wanted to throw her happiness in his face. He had a baby by now, and it was really ridiculous of him to come looking for her suddenly when he'd dropped her ass for his wife already.

"Here goes nothing, Mae." Mae told herself softly as she looked at the motel.

It was kind of run down, but it looked homey enough, and she couldn't help but think about times she and Michael had spent in motels. She was starting to think that this was a bad idea, and though she normally was quite fond of her own curiosity, she was seriously considering turning back.

"_Mae?" Michael asked her, frowning as the tears streamed down her face._

_Mae took a deep breath. "I don't know how much longer I can do this, Michael."_

"_Baby, it's going to be just fine." Michael tried to convince her._

_Mae just nodded and let him hold her, breathing in the Old Spice scent and trying desperately to forget that she was sinning. This was Michael and he loved her, and eventually he'd leave his wife and the two of them would be happy. His marriage to his wife could only last so long without love, and Mae was certain that in the long run she'd get what she deserved in the end…what that would be, she didn't know._

"_Baby, it's all right." Michael repeated._

_Mae nodded into him and held him tightly. "I trust you."_

"_I'm glad." Michael replied and pulled away, kissing her softly. "You want some dinner or something, Mae-Bell?"_

"_I don't think we have time for that." Mae told Michael, smirking and wiping her tears away. "So lets get down to desert shall we?"_

Mae wasn't sure she could do this anymore as the thought flooded her mind, and she stopped walking down the hallway to his room. Even if this wasn't some kind of demonic trap, it was definitely not the place for her to be, and she knew that. She had Castiel, and she certainly didn't need Michael and his empty promises—Michael and his way of making everything seem okay just with his eyes. However when Mae started to turn around, Michael had already opened up the motel room door and saw her in the hallway.

"Mae!" He called.

Mae swallowed, her back to him, and she plastered a smile on her face and turned around. She wanted to tell herself that she had completely gotten over his eyes and his blonde/sandy brown hair, but she hadn't. He was still just as beautiful as before, but Mae was smarter now—she knew that there was nothing Michael could say to her that would make her cheat on Castiel. In fact there was nothing that he could say to her that would make her fall for anything again…he wasn't Castiel, and she was in love with Castiel.

"It's so good to see you!" Michael exclaimed, coming forward to hug her.

Mae simply stood there, her arms at her sides as Michael hugged her, holding her close. He stroked her hair and she swallowed a little, wishing he would stop because he honestly smelled rather good. She wasn't attracted to him, but she was also certainly no stranger to loneliness, and though Castiel wasn't currently with the angels, someday he would be. Honestly if that day were to come…Mae would pick Sam a lot sooner than she'd pick Michael…but why did Michael have to be there now? And why did he have to smell like Old Spice?

"Why did you show up at the house and not say anything to me?" Mae asked him suddenly.

Michael pulled away from her and frowned. "That's honestly all you have to say to me?"

Mae nodded slowly. "I wasn't aware this was simply a social call—you made things sound a little more urgent on the phone."

Michael ran his fingers through his hair. "That's because things _are_ a little more urgent, Mae."

Mae raised an eyebrow because she wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, knowing she'd never heard Michael use that tone before. He sounded almost menacing, and Michael had never _once_ been menacing towards her in any of the time that they had been together. When she started to back up, his eyes went blood red and he picked her up, surprised when she didn't scream. Mae wasn't the same girl she'd been before, and she really wanted to know who was possessing Michael and why.

"Well aren't you accommodating?" Michael asked as he strapped her to a chair.

Mae looked up at him. "So who are you and what do you want?"

Michael laughed, his eyes going back to normal. "The name is Asmodeus, and I'm here because you have something we need to open the last seal…Lilith's blood."

**Note: I apologize for the short chapter, but there will be a longer one next, I promise. Let me know how you liked this one! And let me know what parts you hated! =P**


	28. One Seal Left

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay, so the next two chapters are longer than the others, and the next chapter is going to be pretty damn long because it has most of the action in it and a whole crap load of deaths.**

**On top of that, chapter 30 will be the last chapter of this story.**

**But don't worry—I already have another Castiel story planned, and I'll let you know about it in the very last note at the end of chapter 30.**

**So enjoy!!**

****

Once Castiel had gotten himself entirely dressed, he came out of the room rather crestfallen to see Mae heading directly out the front door without even so much as a word to him on the subject. He knew that Sam was looking at him and he didn't like the look on his face, but followed him when Sam took off to go and talk to Dean. He really wanted to figure out exactly what was going on with Mae, and though he seemed genuinely concerned for how he felt, Castiel knew that Sam was much more worried about what was up with Mae.

"She left!" Sam exclaimed to Dean, who looked up from the couch.

Dean took a deep breath. "Where did she go?"

"She went to see him! _This_ is why I said we shouldn't tell her that Michael even showed up! I _knew_ she was going to run off and she needs back-up!" Sam yelled.

"Sam, it wasn't our place to keep anything from her! Now which way did she go?" Dean asked his brother, sighing loudly. "I don't know why you didn't just run right after her!"

Castiel was quite aware of why Sam didn't just go after her—if Mae was walking into a trap then Sam needed to have some back-up. In fact Michael's sudden presence had to be a trap, didn't it? Castiel found it rather hard to believe that Michael was just suddenly back to catch up with her…just suddenly back to be with her…to use her. Then again, humans were still strange to Castiel, and he really couldn't afford to rule anything out right now—not when Mae was potentially walking into a trap.

"Look, Dean, I can sense her, all right? I just…I just need to know that you two have my back on this, because I can't help to save her all on my own if this is a trap." Sam explained.

Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah, all right…then what is the plan and how do we know for sure that this is a trap? What if Michael really _did_ just want to catch up with her, Sammy? Why are you jumping straight to the conclusion that Michael's possessed or working for demons?"

Castiel stepped in. "Because he showed up rather soon after we realized that there was a rather extensive demon uprising."

"I am simply worried about Mae, all right? The least we can do is check it out since the demons are after her, Michael helping her or not. She left the safety of the safe house and she could be in danger—Michael too if he's in fact _not_ involved." Sam explained to him.

Dean nodded and took a deep breath. "All right, then I think we should stock up on some weapons just in case. But can you two both promise me that you'll leave her alone if Michael simply wants to talk to her? Because that is _her_ past to work through on her own, all right?"

Sam and Castiel exchanged looks and for the first time they realized that they were on the same side: they did not for one second trust Michael. Not only was it strange for him to be around, but neither of them wanted Mae near him even if he _wasn't_ somehow involved with what was going on. The demons knew more than they did about their plans to raise Lucifer, and without Lilith, Sam, Dean and Castiel were still in the dark on how that was even going to go. Still, the most pressing matter was finding Mae and figuring out Michael's role in the current predicament—if he had one.

For Castiel, he was more hurt than he knew he should be, and in that moment he wished that the human emotions he was feeling would go away. He didn't enjoy the jealousy and the anger and the fear—he simply wanted to go back to the way that things had been before…it had been easier to just follow orders. At the same time, Castiel knew that even though he felt hurt and jealous and betrayed at that moment, he wouldn't give up his love for Mae for anything. She'd opened his eyes up to something he'd viewed but never been part of before, and he thoroughly enjoyed the way that she made him feel.

"Cas, are you coming with us?" Dean asked him, trying to get Castiel out of his own thoughts.

Castiel looked Dean in the eye. "I think the two of you have things under control for now, I need to speak to Camael. If you need my assistance, you know how to reach me."

Dean nodded to him. "We could use some angelic assistance if things go awry, so you do what you need to do, and Sam and I will go after Mae and see what we can figure out about her current situation."

"Just keep her safe." Castiel told him.

Dean nodded, noting the love and care in his voice as Castiel said it, and then he watched as Castiel left to go and talk to Camael. When all of this was over, Dean really hoped that Castiel would get to be happy—after all, the poor guy had been through so much already, and Dean understood that it was incredibly hard on him. To top it off, Dean still felt bad that Mae had been through everything that she had been through in her lifetime, and that he had made things even worse in Hell by opening the first seal. How many seals had the demons opened now anyway thanks to him? He and Mae were part of a very elaborate plan, and Dean couldn't let the demons get away with it—he couldn't let Lucifer rise, and he couldn't let anything happen to Mae.

"I'm ready. Hey…where's Cas?" Sam asked Dean as he hid a gun in the waistband of his jeans in the back.

Dean looked at Sam. "He had to go and talk to Camael, but if we need him we can just call him. You ready?"

Sam nodded, and the two of them headed out to go and track Mae down. It was still strange to Dean that his brother was so connected to Mae, but he didn't understand in its entirety, the blood link that Sam and Mae shared. With all of the blood that Sam had ingested, he was very able to find people just by feeling them out, and especially Mae—because her blood was so special that not even she understood it. Sam didn't understand it either, but he did know that he knew where she was, and he was aware that her blood made him stronger than Ruby's ever had.

****

Mae looked up at him. "So who are you and what do you want?"

Michael laughed, his eyes going back to normal. "The name is Asmodeus, and I'm here because you have something we need to open the last seal…Lilith's blood."

Mae had to do a double take when she heard that come out of Michael's mouth and suddenly everything made sense. When Lilith had tampered with her, she had inadvertently gotten hold of the one thing that was needed to bring forth Lucifer and she had never known. All of it finally made sense to her now, and she was sort of miffed by the whole thing and yet she finally felt like she had all of the answers except for the truly crucial one: why _her_? Why would Lilith go to such lengths to give _her_, _Mae_, some of her _own_ blood?

"That's what Lilith and Farrah did to me…they made me the back-up in their disgusting plan to break the seals and help Lucifer to rise. But why, As? Why would Lilith choose _me_ of all people to bond with blood wise? Was she really _that_ sure she was going to fail? _That_ sure that she needed a back-up?" Mae asked Asmodeus.

He laughed maliciously and Mae _really_ hated that the sound was coming out of Michael's mouth. Even though she knew that Michael was a jackass, she also knew that he wasn't just some cold blooded killer, and she knew that he wasn't just some rude, evil being. It annoyed her even more that her question seemed _that_ ridiculous to the demon when she found it to be a perfectly legitimate question. She really couldn't understand why Lilith had gone to such lengths to make sure that Mae had some of her blood, and Asmodeus really wasn't making this easy for her with his laughter.

"You can cut the bullshit, As." Mae told him with a sigh. "Fact of the matter is that your 'fearless' leader had a feeling she'd fail and she picked me."

Asmodeus gave Mae a look. "It doesn't matter _why_ she picked you—what matters is that you're going to help Lucifer to rise…or we take what we want from Sam. He doesn't have as much blood as we would like, but we can drain him dry to get what it is that we need. There's only one seal left, Mae…it's you or Sam."

Mae wanted to have some sort of witty comeback, but she knew that in a situation like this, there was really only one option, and she was going to have to do what it was that Asmodeus wanted. There was absolutely no way that she was going to let Sam get roped into this, and so if that meant she had to help Asmodeus to raise Lucifer, then that was what was going to have to happen. After everything that Sam had been through, Mae was _not_ going to let death be one of those things that was added to his list.

"Fine, fine…how do we do this?" Mae asked him.

He smiled at her and looked her over. "I didn't expect you to cave."

Mae shrugged. "I love Sam…if you need my blood and that saves his life, then so be it. How do we do this?"

He took a deep breath. "You and I head to a church and since Lilith is dead, we don't really need you drained—just enough blood to fill out the symbol so Lucifer can break through."

"All right." Mae said as she nodded, taking it all in. "Well you're going to have to put on an act because Sam and Dean are here. If you want my blood you're going to act like Michael—and don't over-do it."

Asmodeus didn't like being ordered around in the slightest, but Bael was on a rampage these days and it really wasn't in his best interest to _not_ get Mae where she was supposed to go. This was one of those things where he simply needed to do as she told him, and then take her back to headquarters. It was only a matter of time before Bael took out Maion, and on top of that Mae would not be given up without a fight, so Bael was readying his army, and Asmodeus knew he couldn't get in the way. He had been given a task and he was going to follow through with it—end of story.

"How do I know you won't turn on me? It's three against one." Asmodeus told her. "I should just take you out of here now."

Mae looked at him. "And then Bael will just send someone else in your place? No. I want this over with, all right? I'm sick and tired of running, and I need Sam safe."

Asmodeus was rather confused by Mae's almost completely on board attitude, but she had already opened the door with her mind, so he quickly untied her and she hurried to the door as Sam and Dean came down the hallway. She gave a rather convincing laugh and then she stepped out into the hall backwards and grinned at Asmodeus as he leaned on the doorframe and then she could have sworn he was Michael. Suddenly his stance suggested he was, and the glint in his eyes was almost uncanny, and she did a double-take for a moment.

"She looks fine to me." Dean told Sam as they walked down the hall towards her.

Sam sighed and nodded. "Yeah…but something _is_ wrong, Dean…"

"I'm actually really glad that you showed, Michael." Mae told him with a smile on her face. "Give your wife and your son my regards, all right?"

"Sure you can't stay just a little bit longer, Mae? It's just been so good to see you." He said, reaching out to stroke her hair.

This was the moment she was waiting for, the moment to let Sam and Dean take him out, but she couldn't let Michael die…couldn't let harm come to him. He had a family to get back to, and Mae realized she had to do this…she had to sacrifice everything she stood for not only to save Sam, but to save Michael.

****

Camael understood the look on Castiel's face better than Castiel thought he did when he appeared before him. Castiel was experiencing doubt, and Camael had seen that many times in the last bit of this oncoming war, but he needed Castiel to just hang on a little bit longer—to stick with them so that they could stop Bael's plan. They finally knew what it was and Camael was about to call for Castiel when he appeared, and Castiel finally needed to understand what it was that was going on—why he hadn't been punished for what he and Mae had been doing.

"There is a lot to explain to you and very little time to explain it in." Camael said, the soft feminine register getting Castiel's attention.

Castiel looked Camael in the eye. "What exactly have you been keeping from me this time, Camael? I mean the question with no disrespect…I am simply curious."

Camael nodded. "I understand that, Castiel…I need to explain to you how Mae was before she died—our plans for her before she killed herself."

Those last words had Castiel completely focused on Camael just like he knew that they would. Castiel had never been in on the entirety of the plan for Mae, and Mae had never let herself stay around long enough for either side to use her. Her power was unique and it was powerful, and Sam had no idea that he could use it now that some of her blood was inside of him. Her presence in the pit had made the demons far too happy, and it seemed that Azazel and Lilith were getting _exactly_ what they had wanted.

"Before Mae was conceived, her father was in a terrible accident and her mother made a deal with Azazel—a deal very much like the one that Mary made for John that affected Sam the way that it did." Camael began.

"You mean to tell me that Mae is psychic?" Castiel asked Camael slowly.

Camael gave Castiel a look and then continued. "When her father found out about it, Mae had already been conceived and as a hunter, he tried to do everything he could to spare his child of whatever it was that the demon's plan for it was. Mae's mother died in childbirth, leaving Mae with her father, who slept right through Azazel dripping his blood into her mouth…dripping just a little more than he did in all of the others—he knew she'd be able to take it."

"Oh…" Castiel said softly, nodding and looking down at the ground.

Camael nodded to him. "He raised his daughter with the ability to hunt, but she never really caught onto it—nor onto her power. You see, she was so valuable because her power wasn't visions or control or anything like that—it was honing in on the location of demons and angels alike. She can hear us, but she never practiced—never realized she even had a power. Her father thought that she'd been forgotten about because she never showed signs of anything and then right when her power was starting to peak—right when she was starting to feel like she was a little different—Michael happened to her and in one moment of weakness, she killed herself and was sent to the pit."

"No doubt her adultery was part of that decision." Castiel stated.

Camael knew that the information was a lot for Castiel to take in and that he was going to have a rough time figuring out how exactly to tell all of this to Mae, but he needed to know. It was now growing imperative that everything be laid out on the table because the second to last seal had just been broken and Mae was self-sacrificing. If a demon had a hold of her right then, there was no telling what that demon would say to her to get her to help to break the final seal. Besides…the angels all knew about her connection to Sam, so the demon wouldn't have to do much to persuade her to shed her blood.

"The most important part of news I have to impart to you is what happened in the pit and as soon as she got out." Camael explained.

Castiel nodded. "I understand, Camael…continue."

Camael nodded as well and took a deep breath. "In the pit, Dean cut into her, breaking the first seal, and Lilith found in her the potential to harbor the most important thing to the breaking of the seals, so while Mae lasted out through torture, after torture, after torture, Lilith found the need to bring Mae back into the fold. So, Lilith brought Mae out of Hell by convincing her father to make a deal. Once out of the pit, Lilith tried to possess Mae, thinking she could use her body to find angels and demons to help her break the seals, but soon learned that Mae's body was uninhabitable to her—something that was no doubt a side effect of her mother's heritage. To correct the problem, Lilith immediately found Farrah and split Mae into two since she could not inhabit her while she was whole, feeding Rae her own blood in order to make sure that if anything happened to her, the seals would still be opened…Lucifer would still be able to rise."

"Then I have to find her." Castiel explained hurriedly. "I have to find her before the demons do."

"It is imperative that you find her before Bael has her in his grasp—take back-up." Camael told him and nodded as Castiel disappeared, in search of the woman he loved.

****

"Has Asmodeus returned yet?" Bael asked Sonneillon when he came to check on how things were going.

Bael had just effectively gotten the second to last seal broken, and now all he needed was Mae—Mae and her blood so that Lucifer could finally rise. In all of the planning, Bael had actually never expected Lilith to fail but that was why he was there—he was the back-up just in case Lilith couldn't pull it off. This was the last chance though…Lilith's blood could be purged from Mae's and if Sam used his powers at all, he wouldn't have Lilith's blood either…Bael really hoped that Mae wouldn't learn about how to purge Lilith's blood…this was their last shot.

"No, Bael." Sonneillon told him with a shake of his head.

"Maybe he wanted to have fun with her." Kobal suggested with a shrug.

Bael rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I wonder about the team I've assembled. Never send the Demon of Lust to bring back an attractive human female."

"I'm sure he's just dead." Sonneillon said and cowered a little when Bael shot a nasty look his direction. "I simply meant that he wouldn't prolong this unless something had happened to him."

Bael was about to say something when Asmodeus and Mae walked through the doors and though at first surprised that Mae was walking alongside him on her own, he was too happy to have her there. Everything was going according to plan, and all he needed now was to take her to the church and bleed her. Mae gave a small smile to Bael as he beamed at her and came over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking in her eyes.

"Welcome, Precious." Bael told her, his voice low and attractive.

Mae nodded slowly. "I hear you need to bleed me."

"And you came of your own free will?" Bael asked her, more impressed than surprised. "Maion will be _very_ sorry to hear that. Hold her."

"No! Please don't!" Mae cried out.

She knew what was coming next, and she struggled against Asmodeus, but he was far too strong, and firmly held her in place by her arms as Bael went into the other room and shut the door behind him. Maion felt Vetis' lips leave his and opened his eyes towards the door, recognizing the silver blade that Bael held at his side. His eyes left Bael's only to look into Vetis' who looked rather sad. She didn't want to give up her toy, and Maion was actually starting to _like_ being played with.

"Bael, do you have to?" Vetis asked him, still straddling Maion's lap, sitting on him. "I'm not done with him yet."

Bael rolled his eyes. "Vetis, I understand you like toying with things, but we have her."

"Mae is here?" Vetis asked, sounding rather disappointed. "So that means we're heading out tomorrow night to break the last seal?"

"You sound upset." Bael told her, raising an eyebrow. "Are you reconsidering?"

"No, it's just…" Vetis replied, shaking her head and then looking fondly at Maion and running her fingers through his hair. "He was the best toy I ever had."

Bael smiled at her. "So I assume _you_ won't be the one finishing the job?"

"I don't even want to watch _you_ do it." Vetis replied, and kissed Maion softly, running her nose along his and then pulling away and looking him in the eye. "Maybe we'll meet again."

With that, she got off of his lap and she left the room, wincing as she heard Maion's cry as the spear-like angel killing device pierced his chest. He gave Bael the satisfaction of looking him in the eye as his white aura began to fade, Bael watching the peace Maion found just before the end and then he pulled the spear out and he cocked his head to the side and then after a glance at the corpse, he headed out of the room and looked at Mae, Vetis avoiding Bael's gaze. She was upset and that was a liability, so Bael was wondering how he was going to get through this is Vetis turned on him.

"All right, it's time to join the others. We're doing this tomorrow night." Bael announced, and the others nodded, taking Mae with them to Bael's hideaway, just as Castiel, Sam and Dean found the trail, Castiel taking them to Maion's body.

"Damn-it, Cas, where is she?" Sam asked hurriedly.

Castiel looked at him. "Tomorrow night…he's going to bleed Mae dry tomorrow night."


	29. VERY IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE****:**

_**Hey guys.**_

_**I have some bad news…**_

_**So last night my laptop died…and I haven't backed it up for two months.**_

_**What does that mean?**_

_**That means I have lost a whole lot.**_

_**That means I have no new updates and probably won't for a while.**_

_**I'm on my mother's computer right now and I don't know when I'm gonna get my laptop fixed or when I'm gonna get my documents back.**_

_**They think that since it's a driver/hardware problem they can fix it and recover my stuff.**_

_**We'll see.**_

_**Mom and I have fixing it on the highest priority—we're trying to get it done by Tuesday, but I don't know.**_

_**For those of you that don't know, I am going to Pennsylvania bright and early on the 22**__**nd**__**, and won't be back until the 28**__**th**__**.**_

_**However we also just got a new place and will be moving in there when I get back and I won't have Internet access until a week after that…or longer depending on how severe this laptop problem is.**_

_***makes a not happy face***_

_**I just wanted to let you guys know that it could be a while before I get anything updated at all and I'm kind of really messed up over it.**_

_**I seriously HATE losing documents.**_

_**I apologize that you guys have to wait forever again.**_

_**I love you all for your support of me.**_

**Kyla aka Pyro**


	30. There's Always a Choice

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**How fucking cute was Cas on his cell phone with Dean?!**

"**It's not funny, Dean! The voice says I'm low on minutes!"**

**Yeah…Cas is fucking sexy.**

**Anyway…here is the next chapter.**

**It is the second to last and has a HUGE cliffhanger.**

****

Mae sat down in the bar that they'd stopped off at to grab one of the other demons that was off having some fun and Vetis sat down next to her. They both were thinking about the angels that they were away from and for some reason Mae felt like she could at least trust Vetis enough to talk to her. So she looked at Vetis who slowly looked at her and Mae took a deep breath.

"You miss Maion…don't you?" Mae asked her.

Vetis nodded slowly. "Yeah…but I knew it would come to an end eventually. I'm not bitter about it."

"Not at all? I mean Bael killed him in cold blood and now you have to be without him." Mae told her, trying to find an 'in' with the demon.

"I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work." Vetis countered, and Mae nodded sadly. "I know that you and your Castiel were all in love and you miss him but grow a pair, Mae—this is the final inning and you can't get weak."

Mae laughed a little and nodded, feeling like she really _did_ know the demon sitting next to her—she and Vetis had quite a lot in common. It wasn't just that they were both in love with an angel…it was that they both felt like they had to do what they had to do in order to stop—or in Vetis' case start—the apocalypse. She stood up and leaned against the bar and Vetis looked at her again, wishing to Lucifer she wasn't about to ask what she was about to ask.

"You'd do anything for him, wouldn't you?" Vetis asked her and nodded when Mae looked at her and nodded. "After everything you've been through, how can you still love him? I mean you're never going to be together."

Mae smiled sadly. "It's different when you realize that you wouldn't have him any other way. I mean I love Cas to death—I really do—but I don't think I'd love him as much if he wasn't an angel. I mean that's just who he is—he's a soldier of the Lord and I fell in love with him for what he is…I wouldn't want him any differently."

"Yeah…" Vetis said with a nod and then composed herself when Bael came into the bar and gave them a look—he wanted to keep going towards the church and Mae got that.

She was wondering how in he world she could still have Lilith's blood when she was brought back, but at the same time it made perfect sense—she was back in her meat suit. Her blood and her being had been tampered with and it was just her soul that had left…and then come back and now she was going to be bled to break the final seal.

"I'm not coming out of this alive, am I?" Mae asked Vetis.

Vetis looked at her and shook her head. "No…Bael's not planning on sparing you."

"I didn't think so." Mae replied sadly.

"Precious? It's time to keep moving." Bael told Mae, stroking her hair.

Mae nodded and pushed his hand away from her softly with a smile on her face, and then followed close to Vetis out of the bar with the entourage of nine demons. At first she thought the number was totally overkill, but then Bael had them break off into teams because there was one more thing he had to do—so Mae was left with Vetis, Sonneillon, Cresil and Asmodeus. Since he trusted Cresil and Sonneillon so much, Bael felt like he could trust them to keep Mae with them, and since Mae seemed comfortable enough with Vetis and Asmodeus—since Asmodeus still had Michael's face and Vetis was female—Bael didn't feel like she would just off and try to run.

"We'll see each other tonight, Precious." Bael told Mae.

Mae nodded slowly. "See you then."

"You know how to signal me if anything goes wrong—nothing had better go wrong." Bael told Cresil.

Cresil nodded since out of the four left with Mae he was highest in command, and then he took Mae by the arm and Bael shook his head when Mae shot him a look. He sighed, but Bael told him to treat Mae with respect and Asmodeus said he'd watch her closely as Vetis rolled her eyes and said 'men' under her breath. Then Bael was gone and the five were headed to the church, Mae hoping Sam, Dean and Castiel would find her before it was too late.

****

"You know I don't think you get to talk anymore." Sam told Castiel, rubbing his temples.

Castiel gave Sam a look. "We are going the wrong way and you need to start listening to me."

"You know if you had just come to her in the first place, she never would have met Bael, and if Dean had let me just waste 'Michael' in the first place, then Mae would be with us right now." Sam complained.

"Oh my God will you two please just stop?" Dean asked them angrily. "I am getting really sick and tired of you two arguing over who loves Mae more."

Castiel looked confused. "That is not what we were arguing about."

"Like Hell it isn't." Dean retorted and headed for the Impala.

Sam shook his head and headed for the car too, all of them having stopped at a gas station for gas and fuel for Dean's stomach. Dean had to listen to the two of them fight and it was getting on his nerves because he wanted to find Mae just as much as they did—and he didn't have to prove it by playing 'My Horse is Bigger Than Yours'. Castiel got into the backseat of the car since Sam had shotgun, and then nodded slowly when Dean looked in the rearview mirror to check on him.

"I know where the church is and you have to turn around." Castiel explained.

"Yeah, _why_ aren't we just popping in there again?" Sam asked Castiel angrily.

Castiel looked at him. "Because they are not there yet—they are on foot in their human visages…they do not have wings as angels do."

"And you think what? We're just gonna find them hitchhiking on the side of the road?" Sam asked him.

"Sam, enough!" Dean told him with a sigh. "You know what? _I_ love Mae more! Now shut the Hell up _both_ of you!"

Castiel and Sam both went silent as Dean turned the car around and then grabbed the map out of Sam's hands while he was driving. If he had to find the church all by himself he bloody would because one more minute with Castiel and Sam was going to make Dean kill them both. The second Dean saw Mae again he was going to tell her to lose both of them, and then he was going to have himself a beer and get himself laid at a local bar.

"We're going to take the next exit…unless one of you two princesses has a problem with that…" Dean told them.

Castiel and Sam both shook their heads and Dean nodded and smiled a little—it was nice to have the silence. Since Castiel had joined back up with them all it had been was fighting, fighting, fighting, and while they both had valid points, Castiel was now just taking it and Sam was being sarcastic. Earlier Castiel had been the cheeky one while Sam just scoffed at everything looking for a comeback and all in all, Dean was fed up.

"Hey…if you two want to be _civil_ and discuss her…I'm not going to stop you—but the second you two start pissing me off again I'm killing you both." Dean said after it had been silent for a little while.

Sam nodded slowly and took a deep breath. "I know that you love her, Cas—it's why I'm so angry. I mean I've always been there for her and yet she wants you and not me."

"I am an angel, Sam—I can't be there for her like you can which is why I seem to show jealousy whenever we are in the same vicinity." Castiel admitted. "I am not what she needs…you are."

"I think she deserves a man like you, Cas—or angel, rather—but at the same time part of me wants to pursue her." Sam told Castiel sheepishly. "It makes me feel bad saying it out loud but…you're not always going to be around and she deserves to be happy."

Castiel nodded slowly. "When the time comes for Mae and I to no longer have any contact, you have my blessing to have her."

"Is she a possession now?" Dean asked the two.

Castiel and Sam both sent Dean questioning looks and Dean nodded since the two weren't really registering what he had to say. All Dean knew in that moment was that the two of them were practically bartering her off like they owned her, and though Dean wanted to focus on the goddamn mission at hand, he knew this issue had to be settled. So he took a deep breath and decided to just speak his piece since the two were listening to him so intently right then.

"She has the right to make her own decisions, doesn't she? Cas, when you leave her for good you can't just pass her off to Sam. I know how much you love her, Sammy, but do you _really_ wanna be her rebound? Of course you don't. Mae is a woman with complex feelings and when she gets her heart broken by Angel Boy, Geek Boy can swoop in there and try to be a knight in shining armor but don't barter her—she deserves more than that." Dean explained to them. "Now, let's stop being pansy asses and can we please get to this church? I'm hungry, and I'm cranky, and I wanna waste some demons."

Sam smiled at his brother and nodded when he got the map handed back to him, Castiel nodding too and Dean kept driving, hoping to get to the church before anything big went down without the back-up.

****

Mae asked the demons escorting her to hold on a moment while she got a rock out of her shoe, and though Cresil was giving her some pretty mean looks, he relented. She thanked him and as she took her shoe off and shook it out, she felt a presence and she looked up and smiled. Vetis followed her gaze and couldn't contain her excited face as Maion appeared and though she didn't move for him, Vetis truly wanted to.

"I thought that Bael killed you." Cresil said, pulling out a weapon.

Maion nodded slowly. "Yes, well, it wasn't God's will for me to stay dead."

"Of course it wasn't." Sonneillon said, rolling his eyes. "I think we should kill him and move on."

"You can certainly try to." Maion responded. "I am not leaving without Mae."

Cresil smiled. "As you wish."

"NO!" Vetis said strongly.

All of the demons turned to look at her and Mae smiled a little—she knew that Vetis' feelings for Maion could not be fully contained and she figured when she saw him that Vetis would fight for him. Even though she was a demon, she wanted Maion and she wasn't about to just let him get killed…even if that meant turning on the entire plan. If Bael wouldn't let her have Maion, then Lucifer certainly wouldn't let her have him and that thought didn't sit well with her.

"Vetis…don't you even think about turning on us." Sonneillon warned her.

Vetis took a step towards Maion though and Sonneillon reached out and grabbed her arm, holding on tightly. When she struggled against him and he didn't let go she pulled out a demon-killing knife and she used it, Sonneillon and the vessel he was inhabiting, falling to the ground dead. Asmodeus shook his head at her as Cresil went for her, and though it was more of a struggle for her with him, she did end up stabbing him as well and then dropping the knife and running for Maion.

At first Maion was stunned that Vetis would kill her companions for him, but then again she was a demon. Demon or not though, he let her jump on him and kiss him and Mae smiled a little as Asmodeus picked up the knife and looked at Maion. He had always considered himself and Vetis friends, and if Mae was willing to come with him still, he was willing to let her have her angel. When looked at Mae she nodded, and so Amodeus leaned down and wiped the blood off of the knife with Sonneillon's shirt, and then pocketed it.

"I'm not going with you, Maion." Mae told him. "As much as I don't want the apocalypse to happen, I don't want Bael to bleed Sam and that's still a possibility. So you go and tell Camael that she needs to send a force to the church and I'm staying with As. And hey…could you tell Cas that I love him, please? I really want him to know that in case you guys can't get there fast enough."

Asmodeus cleared his throat. "All right, all right—no more talking. Vetis? You better lay your pretty ass low and hope Bael never finds you."

"Trust me—I'm not going to show while he's still alive." Vetis replied and then laughed a little. "Actually, I'm not gonna show again ever most likely…Lucifer would kill me faster than Bael would for this kind of treachery."

"Well then I suggest you don't come to the church." Mae joked and then held up her hand and waved to her a little. "If you love him…you gotta be willing to die for him, Vetis."

Vetis just nodded at her and though Maion wanted to protest, he decided to do what Mae told him to do, and let her stay with Asmodeus while he got Vetis safe and then went to see Camael. He knew he'd have to do something about Vetis eventually, but for now he had to talk to his superiors, and he had to find Castiel. He had already outed Dina when he had been brought back into the fold, and now it was time to tell Camael what was up with Mae, and tell Castiel that his human truly loved him.

"You don't have Mae…" Camael said slowly.

Maion nodded while Camael sighed and called for Castiel. "Mae is worried about Sam—she's protecting him. We must send troops to the church to stop Bael from bleeding Mae and helping Lucifer to rise. I have a feeling that as much as she wants to just escape, Mae has a plan."

"That girl is really a lot of trouble." Camael told Maion with a smile on her face. "There you are, Castiel. I am going to send you with a few angels to the church. It turns out that Maion has seen Mae and Mae has a plan—a plan that you and the Winchesters will need back-up for."

"We are three demons down already." Maion added with a nod. "Mae is traveling just with Asmodeus, and Bael has outfitted himself with Kobal, Uphir, Botis and Semiazas."

Castiel nodded slowly. "Then it is time to stop this all from coming to pass."

"Yes and uh…Castiel?" Maion asked cautiously.

Castiel turned to look at him and to his surprise Maion smiled at him. Maion had looked up to Castiel for a very long time now, and for some reason the fact that he had the kind of information for him that he had was making Maion feel twice as blessed just standing next to him. He had so much to do to even make it to Castiel's level, and now the fact that Castiel had love was just something Maion was wrapping his head around.

"Yes, Maion?" Castiel prompted him.

Maion nodded and decided to just say it. "Mae told me to tell you that she loves you—she doesn't want you to doubt that and neither do I."

****

Mae still felt a little awkward walking with Michael in the night air when she knew he was being possessed by a demon. It wasn't that she wanted to be walking with Michael either that made it so weird—it was that Asmodeus was so good at being Michael and that for some reason…Mae wanted Michael to _be _Asmodeus. Eventually when this was all over Mae wanted Michael to return to his wife and his kid, but for now Mae actually liked being in the company of a demon wearing a familiar face.

"So what do _you_ get out of this?" Mae asked Asmodeus as they walked side by side towards the church.

Asmodeus smiled at her. "I get to _not_ be killed by Lucifer. I'll get all sorts of demonic perks when the world is ending."

"Oh well I mean if you're doing it for perks then by all means destroy the world." Mae told him sarcastically.

"You don't know anything about it." Asmodeus shot at her. "You humans think that you're so much better than us and then you hunters try and destroy us. We are simply trying to live the only way we know how and yet we're punished for it."

Mae nodded slowly. "I never said I was better than you, As—I just think it's ridiculous to think that Lucifer is suddenly going to make everything better. I mean come on, As…do you really think he's going to change things _that_ much? He's _asking_ the hunters to push back harder."

Asmodeus made a face as they neared the church and Mae sighed and went inside with him, looking around and taking a deep breath. She wanted to be able to get this over with, and at the same time she had hoped an angel army would be here by now. Then she saw Bael and she smiled at him a little, sitting down next to a marble coffin when he pointed to the general vicinity of it. He looked pretty proud of himself and so he pulled the knife out and spun around when he heard a voice that made him want to kill people.

"STOP!" Sam called out.

Mae had never been so happy to see Sam in her whole life, and then she saw Dean and Castiel and when her eyes met Castiel's she felt like everything was going to be fine. Out came Kobal, Maion, Uphir, Botis and Semiazas out of the woodwork practically, and they set to fighting, Mae punching Asmodeus in the face and then putting the marble coffin in between her and the others. Sam had a demon killing knife on him and though Kobal seemed like a piece of cake for him, he was having some trouble with Botis, and Maion took on Semiazas while Dean took Uphir and Castiel looked at Bael as Asmodeus stood his ground trying to get to Mae.

"So you came to save your precious human? You're too late." Bael told him with a laugh.

Castiel shook his head. "Actually, I'm not. You see as soon we get through these cheap defenses of yours, we're cleansing Mae. Yes…we do in fact have Farrah in custody right now…you're going to pay for the angels you have slain, Bael."

"Cas, just be careful." Mae pleaded, darting away from Asmodeus.

Bael smiled wickedly. "As? I think you should fight the good angel first."

"I thought that was _my_ job." Zachariah said, showing up as Maion killed Semiazas, his human vessel bleeding as he looked at him and Dina, both of them traitors to Heaven.

"Don't you touch him!" Mae called out to him. "How can you be on Lucifer's side?"

She knew she'd taken too much time trying to get a word in and squirmed against Asmodeus as he grabbed her. She didn't want to hurt Michael's body, and that was the main reason she wasn't fighting back as hard as she could. Castiel made a move for her just as Sam slit Botis' throat, and then helped Dean to take out Uphir. Even with his demons all but killed off, Bael still had a smile on his face as Dina pinned the hunters to the wall, and Zachariah grabbed Castiel by the throat and hoisted him up.

"You have lost the way, Castiel." Zachariah told him.

Bael laughed and walked over to Mae with the ritual knife. "I think we should make him watch us bleed her, Wingless."

"That brings me just as much pleasure at it brings you." Zachariah admitted as Castiel tried to get out of Zachariah's grasp.

"Sammy, I need you to focus for me, all right?" Mae asked him.

Bael laughed loudly. "Oh, does little Mae-Bell have some new insight into her past? Surely you know now that your mother died for you, right? She sold her soul to Azazel, who dripped twice as much blood into your mouth as the other children and then what happened? You fell in love with this worthless human sack and killed yourself over it before you learned your true power. We needed you…but with Lucifer we won't need you anymore."

"Sammy…you can feel his vessel's heart beating, can't you? You just need to focus." Mae said, cringing when Bael sliced into her arm.

"We're going to take this nice and slow…I was gonna just slit your throat and be done with it but come on—your angel isn't even showing care for you, yet." Bael teased her.

Sam realized that Mae was right—he could pinpoint everyone in the room and at first when he tried to crush the beating heart Mae let out a soft whimper but she nodded to him and he focused again. Bael got a look on his face when he felt the sharp pain in his chest and he looked at Sam before he looked at Dina. Mae knew what was coming next so she focused her energy too, and Dina suddenly felt the pang in her chest as well and ended up loosening her hold on the boys, Sam going towards Bael and holding out his hand. Zachariah tried to stop him, but Dean took his angel killing weapon and stabbed Dina, threatening Zachariah with it until he let Castiel go, Bael being killed by the juice that Sam had in him. Mae actually smiled when Sam's eyes went black and when Bael was dead, she shook her head and stood in front of Michael.

"No…no…leave him be." Mae said and then turned to him. "As, this is your freebee…let Michael go and we won't hunt you."

"Mae!" Dean chastised her but when she turned to look at him he nodded slowly. "All right…this is your one and only chance, Asmodeus."

Asmodeus smiled in Michael's body and then opened up his mouth and the black cloud flew out. Then Michael's body slumped to the ground and Sam hurried to Mae's side, kissing her happily and smiling when she flung her arms around his neck and told him she was proud of him. She let go of him then and kissed Dean swiftly, holding him close while Sam checked Michael's pulse. When Sam told her he was fine, Mae let go of Dena and thanked Maion and then hurried to Castiel.

Castiel opened up his arms to her since Zachariah had fled when Bael was dying and everyone was staring at Mae and Sam, and he welcomed the kiss she placed on his mouth. She smiled and slid her fingers into his hair as she held him close to her and then he ran his fingers through her hair too and smiled at her as he kissed her.

"It's your fault I'm so damn tired." Mae told Castiel with a chuckle. "All that sex and then all of that walking."

Castiel smiled at her when she pulled away to look at him. "I need to tell Camael that it has been taken care of and Maion needs to take you and Sam to Farrah."

"All right, but you tell me before you leave for good, right?" Mae asked him.

"Of course." Castiel replied, and kissed her softly. "I'll see you when I'm done talking to Camael."

****

"I miss you, Cas." Mae said out loud as she looked out the window that morning. "You promised you'd come back before we never saw each other again, so don't forget, all right? I love you angels, but I really want mine back for a little while if you could swing it. Please and thank you."

Mae expected Castiel to be gone for a while, but not for two days. She, Sam and Dean hadn't left each other's sides and after being cleansed of all of Lilith's blood, it was all over because there was no first demon to break the last seal—Lucifer was going to stay locked in Hell. Michael had been gotten back to his home and Mae had no idea what had become of Asmodeus and Vetis, but she felt pretty happy. All she wanted now was to see Castiel again and tell him that she loved him for who he was…that she didn't mind if he stayed an angel—that she _wanted_ him to stay an angel.

"You look like you could use some pancakes." Sam told Mae when he came into the kitchen that morning.

Mae turned from the window with her coffee cup and smiled at him brightly. "Only if _you_ cook them. Sammy."

"Well of course I'm going to cook them—you think I'd let Dean do it?" Sam asked her with a look and a laugh.

"No—you're smarter than that." Mae replied and they both laughed when Dean came down the stairs and gave them each a look.

Dean paused to let the laughter die down. "Oh you two just think you're _so_ adorable don't you? You're not."

The three of them laughed though and talked with each other while Sam made some breakfast, Castiel going to Camael after finishing up the rest of the tasks that Camael had sent him on. Now Camael was smiling at him and Castiel knew that he was going to be allowed to go back to Mae now that the Lucifer threat was no longer a threat anymore. He nodded at Camael and then stood there dutifully, waiting for what the angel had to say, wondering why Camael was smiling so much.

"You've helped Heaven a lot, Castiel, and its time to give some back." Camael explained.

Castiel was a little confused. "I do not follow."

"For your help stopping the apocalypse, you're being given a choice." Camael said with a smile. "Your love for Mae affects your job and yet you've been showing great dedication and for that, you have a choice: remain an angel, or become mortal to be with her."

"I am an angel…you need me." Castiel said slowly, taking all of the information in.

He knew that part of him was screaming at him to become mortal, but the other part of him knew he had a duty to Heaven. He loved Mae, and he wanted to be with her but could he really do that to his brothers and sisters? Could he really cut himself off from Heaven all for a woman? No matter how much he loved her, he didn't know if he could even _handle_ being cut off from Heaven…he didn't know what to do.

"There is no more Lucifer threat, Castiel…as many angels as we have lost we are willing to lose you to the love of a good woman." Camael said again. "Still, the choice is up to you, Castiel. You have free will and we will respect whatever decision you make."

Castiel nodded and when he took a deep breath, he knew what his answer was.

**Note: What a cliffhanger, no? Stay tuned for the last chapter where you get to find out the answer and see how everything ends. Feedback is always appreciated!**


	31. Cas' Happy Ending

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

**Okay here is the last chapter!**

**It was supposed to be up a lot earlier, but I've been sick.**

**I hope you guys all enjoyed this while it lasted!**

**I loved it to death, and I love and appreciate all of you for sticking with this, thus far and for all the feedback and support you've given me with it!**

**There's some language and some smut—those are your warnings.**

**ENJOY!!**

****

Mae wasn't very certain how she was going to deal with everything now. She had gotten so used to being with Sam and Dean and she didn't want to leave them, but she knew that she didn't want to hunt anymore. After everything she had been through, and everything she had been used for, she knew that if she was now given a chance for a normal life, she was going to take it.

"So…you think there's still a warrant out for you?" Sam asked Mae, sitting next to her on the couch and wrapping his arm around her.

Mae snuggled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I think I'm safe. I mean I protected the world from Lilith—and of course you and Dean were a huge part of that…and Cas."

"He's coming back, you know." Sam told her, kissing the top of her head.

"Wow…you're not going to come out and tell me that Cas isn't coming back? Meeting back up with Sara _really_ has you in a good mood." Mae told Sam, looking up at him and smiling as his chocolate brown eyes peered back into hers.

Sam smiled at her. "I can't say that meeting up with her yesterday wasn't a perk…besides, you need your best friend right now and I'm going to be there for you."

Mae kissed his cheek and nodded, snuggling up against him and beaming when Dean came in with a grin plastered on his face. It had been one whole week with no word from Castiel, and the three still hadn't discussed new living arrangements. Maybe it would stay like this forever…maybe. The three of them were used to each other, and the cheeky grin on Dean's face wasn't fooling anyone.

"So how was she?" Mae asked Dean, Sam rolling his eyes.

Dean chuckled. "She was amazing—really knew her stuff."

"Does she have a name?" Sam asked his brother.

"Of course she has a name!" Dean protested and sat close to Mae to be part of the cuddling.

Mae laughed. "All right, of course she does…but do _you_ know it?"

Mae and Sam high-fived and Dean gave them both a look, even though he had to admit that they had every right to tease. At the same time, Dean was feeling pretty happy about his latest encounter and had set up…a date. It completely wasn't like him, but like Sam and Mae, he was used to being settled and he'd helped stop the apocalypse—he kind of _wanted_ to be settled and that felt strange for him.

"Her name is Tara and before you ask I don't know her last name." Dean said, sighing and then smiling when Mae rested her hand on Dean's knee.

Mae smiled at him. "Well that's new for you, but I'm glad. So…you gonna see her again, or was she a bang and run?"

"We have a date set up for tomorrow night actually." Dean told her and nodded. "Yeah, you hear correctly: Dean Winchester is going on a date."

"It's about time, Dean. God news is I have a date with Sara tomorrow night too. So…what are _you_ going to do, Mae?"

Mae took a deep breath. "It's called TV."

****

Even though he had gotten away, Zachariah was pretty certain that there was nothing else left for him anymore. He had wanted so desperately for Lucifer to rise and then for him to be defeated, and for paradise on Earth—now, he was simply exiled from Heaven and he had nothing. All he could do now was wander around with no aims and no goals…all he could do was wait to be human again.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" A familiar voice asked him.

Zachariah sighed loudly. "Vetis, what the Hell do you want?"

"I was just seeing how the mighty have fallen." She replied with a small shrug. "I mean you couldn't even get Lucifer to rise."

"You couldn't either, Vetis." Zachariah told her and gave her a look. "I can still destroy you—divine powers or not."

Vetis smiled at him. "I'm not here to fight you, Zachy-Poo—I'm here because I need to know that if I try something, you won't be after me."

"Do I _look_ like a hunter to you, Vetis?" Zachariah asked her and then he took a deep breath. "Ex-Angel or not…I won't hunt you down."

Vetis gave a small nod and then she took a deep breath—she wanted to be with Maion, but he was an angel, and he wasn't going to give his wings up for a demon. He _especially_ wasn't going to give them up when Castiel had such a choice to make. If Castiel decided to be human, Maion was then given his duties, and if Castiel stayed an angel…Maion still wouldn't fall from grace.

"Good to know." Vetis told him and took a breath. "So…what do we do now?"

Zachariah gave her a look. "I don't know what _you're_ going to do, but I'm leaving now. Do yourself a favor—drop the angel. He won't support you if you're going to thwart the human race."

"But what about…love?" Vetis asked out loud and sighed when Zachariah had already taken off.

Zachariah had to figure out where he belonged in the world now…and so did Vetis.

****

Mae sighed and got into her bed, snuggling into the covers and turning onto her side, wishing she had kept herself a little busier. Sam and Dean had gone off on their dates and from the looks on their faces, Mae knew that it was the first date of many, but that only Sam would actually make it to proposals and marriage. She was cut off from thinking about it though, when she heard her door open.

She propped herself up on her elbows and smiled a little, excited to see Castiel and so she lifted up her covers and motioned for him to join her. He smiled back and took off his tie, then his jacket, and once he was stripped down to a t-shirt and boxers, he got into bed with Mae and wrapped his arms around her. She turned so she was facing him and captured his lips with hers, glad that he was with her, and hoping this wasn't their last night together, though the kiss was suggesting that it was.

At first she wasn't sure what Castiel was doing, but he traced random shapes along her stomach, his fingers under her shirt, and she smiled a little when she felt his fingers pushing under her pajama pants' waistband. She knew what was coming next, and though a little surprised that Castiel didn't want to talk, the whole idea of talking flew right out of the window when she felt his fingers push inside of her. Mae bit her lip and rocked herself against his hand a little, moaning a little when he hooked his finger.

As she rocked against him softly she pulled her tank off, Castiel slipping out his fingers and getting out of his clothes as Mae got out of hers, crashing her lips into his when they were both free from restrictions. Mae wasn't sure exactly why he was initiating the act, but she was pretty sure that if she asked him about it, all of the hot, pleasant feelings would go away. If they talked about what might possibly be bothering him, then they wouldn't continue and they were both in their birthday suits…she couldn't stop this now if she wanted to—and she definitely didn't.

"I love you." Castiel breathed out to her, pressing his body to hers, moving against her, their sexes rubbing together.

Mae moaned softly. "I love you too."

Mae gasped a little as Castiel's flesh pushed inside of hers, and tilted her head back into her pillow as he rocked his body against hers, both of them incredibly pleased. He pulled out, kissing her lovingly, and then pushed back into her as she looked deep into his eyes. She opened her mouth to let out another small gasp, kissing him passionately, her release slamming into her after a while, Castiel reaching his breaking point soon after and releasing inside of her, kissing her.

Mae smiled at Castiel as he pulled her body close to his, kissing her damp temple and trying to figure out how to have this conversation with her without making her upset. He knew that all he could do was come clean about his decision, but at the same time either decision he had made would make her upset for one reason or another. So, all he could do was suck it up and tell her how he felt about her…and hope she was going to be all right with what was happening to them.

"You look a little upset." Mae told him, running her fingers along his damp pecks.

Castiel swallowed. "I was given a choice, Mae."

"A choice about what?" Mae asked him, biting her lip and dreading the answer he could potentially have for her.

"I…Camael gave me the choice of staying an angel or…or becoming human and staying with you." Castiel explained slowly.

Mae sat up suddenly and she swallowed—the tone in his voice did _not_ suggest that he had chosen to stay human with her. She wasn't so sure what _she_ even wanted. Obviously she wanted to be with him until she couldn't be with him anymore, but he was Castiel—he was her angel. Hadn't she spent some of her time trying to tell Vetis off about angels? Telling Vetis she wouldn't want Castiel any other way?

"It doesn't sound like you chose to be human." Mae told him, wishing she hadn't sounded so hurt when she hadn't even thought she would be _that_ hurt if he had chosen to stay an angel…_chosen_ to leave her eventually.

Castiel nodded slowly. "That is because I chose to stay an angel."

"Of course you did, and why wouldn't you? That's who you are. I mean, I'm fine with that." Mae said and bit her lip because she felt like she was lying—how could he do this to her?!

This whole time, she had hoped that she would get to be with him and he had made it so und like he loved her, but if he had loved her, wouldn't he have chosen her? She knew deep down that she was being selfish because Castiel in fact _was_ an angel, and it was in his nature to want to help people—it was who he was. How could she be so upset that she wouldn't let him be who he was? She had fallen in love with who he was, so why was she so hurt?

"I have never done anything but be an angel, Mae." Castiel explained to her, well aware that she was upset with him.

Mae nodded and couldn't stop the words that spilled out. "So this was just some last lay, huh? You come in, you get me all horny and then you sleep with me just so you can tell me that it's about time I won't ever _see_ you again?! For an angel, you're an asshole!"

"Mae, I'm staying with you!" Castiel told her as she got more and more visibly hurt. "Mae, I am staying with you…I'm mortal now."

"But…but…okay…maybe I should let you actually finish the story…" Mae said, blushing and trailing off.

Castiel nodded at her, smiling a little. "Maybe you should."

Mae mouthed that she was sorry and then laid back down and looked at him as he gazed at her and stroked her hair. He had to explain everything to her and he knew that she was going to be upset he hadn't chosen her at first, but she had to know. Castiel wanted to be with Mae and he hoped that her knowing that would help their relationship.

"I love you, Mae—I really do." Castiel explained to her, kissing her softly. "When Camael asked me to make my decision I told her that they needed me and so I had to stay an angel—but that I didn't want to be without you. Obviously, Angel/Human relations are greatly frowned upon, so I was given a different perspective on it all: live forever without you…I can't do that, Mae."

Mae smiled at him and kissed him tenderly, crawling on top of him. "Baby, I love you too."

"I'm not sure where to go from here." Castiel told her sincerely, trying to figure out how their futures were going to pan out.

"We'll figure it out, Cas…together." Mae replied, and leaned down, kissing him lovingly and smiling as he kissed her back with the same intensity.

****

**EPILOGUE:**

"Coffee's ready!" Mae called up the stairs as she took a bite of pancake.

Mae looked at Castiel lovingly as he came down the stairs dressed in a dress shirt and a tie and she shook her head—he was a doctor, but he didn't need to wear a tie. Being formally dressed never really left Castiel even when he became mortal. She'd asked once about Jimmy, and found out that Jimmy was given a choice too—Jimmy chose to move on because his family was in a better place, and he didn't want to put them in any danger, which could still happen since he was still a vessel. It was bittersweet, but he was happy, his family was happy, and Mae had her man.

In fact, Mae and Castiel had been married for three years, and they were both surprised that Dean was in love, with Tara who _definitely_ wore the pants in the relationship, and that Sam and Sara were on their honeymoon. Sam had taken a while to propose to Sara, and then they'd been engaged a whole year before the wedding took place. Mae and Castiel? He'd convinced her to marry him three months into his mortality.

"Baby, loosen the tie a little bit." Mae told him with a laugh, going up to him and loosening it a little. "You're a doctor, Baby—you're going to be fine."

Castiel gave her a look. "I look professional and _that_ is the most important part, Mae. What are you going to do today while I'm gone?"

"I was thinking of inviting Tara shopping. I was going to invite Sara along too, but she and Sammy don't get back for another few days—the three of us can shop later." Mae explained and Castiel noted the look in her eyes.

He smiled at her and reached out to stroke her hair, looking deep in her eyes and then smiling more when she smiled back. He had some of his old Castiel in him, that was for sure, but he was definitely mortal too and had picked up on being a human male as well. Castiel was no longer as awkward as he used to be…well not _as_ awkward anyway.

"So what's _really_ on your mind, Mae?" Castiel asked her, kissing her softly.

Mae smiled at him. "Well…I have some big news for you, actually."

"All right." Castiel nodded, looking her in the eye so that she knew she had his full attention.

"I love you very much, you know that, right?" Mae asked him, nodding when he nodded to her. "Okay, so…you're all mortal, and we've got a great marriage—even if we argue sometimes—and I, uh…oh, I'll just come right out and tell you." Mae said, laughing a little and then taking a deep breath. "We're having a baby!"

Castiel had to do a double-take, but then when it settled in, he knew that there was only one reaction…and he grinned from ear to ear…he was going to be a father.

**The End**

**Note: I did in fact promise a happy ending, so there it is! Thank you all again soooo much for reading! And on a different note, I have two other Castiel stories out there. One is named "I Never Told You" and the other is called "Undisclosed Desires". Feedback is always appreciated!**


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